Happy five, Finn!

Birthday season 2017 comes to an end with this little guy turning five!

Hey Finn,

Woahh I can’t believe you’re five! You need to stop this superspeed growing right this moment. Slow it wayyyyy down okay? 

Spending the last 5 years being your mom has been such a dream and I am grateful for it. You are the sweetest, gentlest, happiest, sunshiniest, awesomest, most helpful and polite little boy. 

You’re the kid who will come help me make coffee in the morning, and fix lunches for everyone and prepare snacks for your siblings. Egg mayo is your specialty and I have to say, it is quite delicious. You make it so hard to say no to you because I have to look at this face and also, you ask for things in the most polite manner. 

“Please, mom, may I have a sandwich?” 

There is no universe in which this mommy is ever able to say no to that. 

The other day, Theo burst into the kitchen yelling “MOMMMM I WANT GUMMIES!!!” and you patted him on the head and said “you can’t just yell I want gummies, you need to ask nicely like mommy may I have some gummies please?” Theo looked at you like “whatttt??? How many words is that ain’t nobody got time for that!!” then proceeded to yell “MOMMMM GUMMIES…PLEEEASE!!!” ?

Daddy was just telling me about the time you went out with him to buy lunch from the food center. After picking up stuff from several stalls, everyone else was like “ooooh nice food om nom nom” but you turned to him and said “thanks for buying all the food dad!”

You have a way of making everyone around you feel super special, don’t ever change. 

I know this year hasn’t been the easiest for you. From the moment you were born till about 4 years old, you were like a little rainbow of joy. I’m still not quite sure how all of that happy managed to fit in your little body; I suppose it didn’t all fit so some of it had to spill out to the rest of us. And how about those terrible twos? Not even a little bit. Throughout your twos and threes and fours, you had none of the tantrums and meltdowns. If anything, your twos were quite delightful. 

But then 4-5 was the year that you started to feel all of the other feelings like sadness and disappointment and frustration and rage and it’s been hard for you to deal with them. You would struggle to process these negative emotions and I can see your system shutting down like it’s too much to handle. 

On your birthday, you didn’t want presents or surprises so we decided to spend the day together, all of us. You wanted 5 blue balloons, some time at the playground and a little craft activity. It was a fab day right up to just before bedtime when you had to pause the game with your siblings and go take a shower. You were sad about missing out on the fun and after a tearful shower, you said “I wish it wasn’t my birthday because it’s the worst day ever.” The sadness was so overwhelming it overshadowed everything else. 

Hey, I’m 35 and it’s still hard for me to deal with negative emotions too so I get it. I used to wish that I could go through life without negative emotions; just an endless high of joy and euphoria seemed like the ideal way to spend one’s life. I know that world doesn’t exist but sometimes I wish I could put you in a little bubble of joy and keep you safe from bad feelings. 

I can’t make all the bad feelings go away but I promise that we will always be here to hug you or talk it out until it gets better. 

You were a perfect baby and now, you’re the most perfect little boy. I love you and I like you. A lot!!!