I wasn’t sure how Finn was going to adjust to being a big brother seeing how he’s been the baby of the family for the past 2 years but he’s been doing a fine job of it.
Well okay, he thinks babies are terribly boring but that’s to be expected of a 2-year-old because I do too and I’m 32. When baby Theo first came home, Finn regarded him with mild disinterest. He went to observe this strange new specimen we were all fussing over and after looking the baby over for a minute or so, he got bored and ran off to play.
Since then, he’s been paying more attention to the baby – doling out surprise kisses, singing loudly in his ear while he sleeps and shoving random toys in his face. It’s sweet.
The downside of being bumped up to big brother status is that he loses dibs on momma time. It’s the rule of the universe – the baby gets dibs because they know nothing about delayed gratification. “What? WAIT for my milk?? You must be joking.” Meanwhile, the bigger kids have to wait their turn. “Momma play puzzle?” Finn would ask while I was feeding the baby. “Sorry sweetie, give me 15 minutes. I’ll be with you once baby sleeps ok?” //Cue sad baby eyes.
Some nights ago, he was in a tantrumy mood, refusing to go to bed. “PLAY TOYS! Finn Finn play toys with momma,” he said over and over again. I gave him his milk, sang to him and told him 3 stories but he was intent on staying awake even though his little body was exhausted. “Momma carry?” he insisted. “No baby, I can’t carry you to sleep, you’re seriously too heavy now.” “MOMMA CARRY PLEEEEEASE?” he shrieked. A few no’s later, he shouted “NO MOMMA…I WANT AUNTY CARRY!!” I didn’t know how to answer that and in the silence that followed, all I could hear was the breaking of my heart. “It’s ok, I’m here, son. Momma is here for you.” 20 minutes of this back and forth later, he finally climbed onto my chest and lay there holding me till he fell asleep.
He’s never fallen asleep like this before and I realised it’s exactly how I hold Theo to sleep – head pressed against my chest.
Sigh, so this whole episode was my little boy missing me and this was the only way he knows how to show it. Maybe he thinks staying awake means he gets more time to spend with me. Or I don’t know, maybe he thinks being a baby like Theo means he gets back his dibs on momma. Or saddest of all, maybe he thinks should get used to the idea and go with a replacement. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
I know it’s a lot to ask of a 2-year-old boy, having to share his mommy with a needy baby who gets to be carried all the time. And he’s so sweet to love Theo as much as he does.
It’s probably the hardest part about having so many kids, finding the time to love on each kid when they need it, especially when they all seem to need it at the same time. I tell myself they get other perks like having siblings to go crazy with but sometimes, it’s just not the same. These parenting choices are so hard to make. Have I been focusing too much on the baby? Which kid gets my attention at any given time? Will it ever be fair to all of them? If only I could clone another me, I’d do it. I hope it’s just a phase and things will even out once the baby becomes less needy.
12 Comments
wanna clone another us, totally feel u! My littlest is 2 half now and he got so upset when I recently held a friend’s baby. The thing with having kids so close together is that while they are best friends they might go through a day without a filled love tank because mama can’t be shared equally
Elizabeth´s last post ..Loving, small human beings called children
Exactly! sometimes i feel like I’m shortchanging my other kids when I’m so tied up with the baby.
I almost tear when i read about Finn Finn wanting a hug! oh my…..
I am having my #3 now, and I think the 2 boys are finding quite hard to accept too. My eldest one dont whine but he has been requesting to sleep with me and ask me to sayang him these recent nights. My #2 has been sticky to me all the while and has always been very competitive to snatch my attention with his big brother. But he is beginning to accept the presence of another baby coming. I think I should expect some sort of what u are facing when #3 comes out….
I think it’s mostly because the baby is so needy and there’s so little time left to spend with the other kids.
Enjoy the bigger kids now before the baby comes!!
It’s really tough! Big hugs.
Lyn lee´s last post ..Growing as a mum, with friends
Thanks Lyn!
I share the same sentiments – only difference is that needy baby has past the 1 year mark, so instead of getting all the attention, she is more neglected now as her two older sisters are much better at getting our attention (by getting into trouble). We always toyed with the idea of having one more, but with both of us working full-time at pretty demanding jobs, we just never thought it would be fair to the kids to have to share our time even more. It’s something we can never make peace with… =(
I know what you mean! Sometimes I wonder if we have stretched ourselves too thin but haha TOO LATE NOW..
“finding the time to love on each kid when they need it, especially when they all seem to need it at the same time.” Totally agree with you Daphne! I’ve 4 kiddos too, boy, girl & 5 months old twin boys. Still learning not to blame myself too much for not being able to be there, especially towards the older 2, when they need my attention.
Yeah you’re right! It’s so easy to go on a guilt trip and feel awful (I do that all the time) but I think we just gotta make the best of whatever time we have.
this post makes me emotional cos my baby is so tiny and too requires to be carried all the time and i can no longer hold my older one too long so she will say “mama cannot carry meimei, carry me. popo go carry meimei”
but we all know she adores meimei as much as meimei adore her. really love hate relationship sometimes but i guess thats what siblings are all about
It’s totally a love hate relationship and it’s so tough to see them struggle with their feelings when they’re so little. But once they grow up they’ll appreciate having each other around so that’s a good thing :)