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Father Inc, milestones & musings, unqualified parenting tips

Who’s your daddy?

June 18, 2010

This weekend is Fathers’ Day, so today we bring you a special daddy edition.

There’s something about fathers that make them so special. Mommies are good for nap times and fixing snacks but when daddy is around, it’s all about piggyback rides and wrestling and fun outings.

And why is it that daddy’s approval seems to be worth a lot more? I’m always telling the kids that they did a great job and momma’s so proud of them and they’re like “Sure, mom, whatever.” But when daddy says the same thing, they’re look all pleased with themselves.

Although, I can’t really blame them because growing up, I thought my dad was the smartest, strongest, coolest person in the universe. He was more awesome than Superman and Batman and the Hulk all rolled into one. When I got pushed around by other kids, my trump card was to yell out “I’ll ask my daddy to whip your ass“. And I really believed it. In fact, I was also certain that my daddy could whip the other kid’s daddy’s ass too. I never got around to witnessing it, mostly because the other kid would usually shut up or leave me alone after that.

I have a feeling my kids feel the same way.

Case in point: baby girl. Kirsten is a classic daddy’s girl through and through. She’s totally biased and I KNOW YOUR DADDY IS SO SPECIAL BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO RUB IT IN. Even though she’s capable of calling mama (she does it when the stars align), her favorite word is dada. No prizes for guessing who she’s referring to. As I was changing her diaper today, I tried my luck again.

Me: Say mama, baby girl. MA-MA

Kirsten: Dada

Me: No, MA-MA

Kirsten: DADA

Me: You’re rubbing it in, aren’t you?

Kirsten: DADA, DADA, DADAAAAA *claps her hands to emphasize her point*

Me: Dada is at work. You’re stuck with me.

I can just see it. One of these days, she’s going to climb onto the husband’s lap, gaze into his eyes and say “When I grow up, I’m going to marry a boy that is just like you, daddy“, and the husband’s heart will instantly melt into putty and he will buy her anything she wants, including every single piece of that ridiculously exorbitant Sylvanian Families dollhouse set.

Tru is less obvious because there’s that alpha male vibe going on but I bet he secretly wants to be just like daddy when he grows up. The way he looks at daddy is so different from the way he looks at me, like he’s observing everything daddy does intently. Then next thing I know, he’s doing the exact same thing.

He’s got this tool box set that looks like a briefcase and from time to time, he arranges his toy cars inside neatly, gives me a kiss and announces, “Bye mommy, Truett go work.”

Most of his minor boo boos are easily solved by momma but the really serious ones, we have to bring out the big guns – daddy’s giant biceps. They are strangely effective in making them feel better. It’s either that or daddy’s masculine smell that’s the secret. Whatever the case, it works and that’s good enough for me.

Typically, Fathers’ Day comes with less hype and fanfare as compared to Mothers’ Day. I’m guessing that’s because us mothers are very protective of our turf when it comes to the kids and also, most fathers are happy to take a backseat because there are more pressing matters to attend to, like killing zombies and watching soccer.

While I agree that dads are less inclined to be maternal (they’ve got less of those soft bits that are oh-so-comfortable for babies), they’re no less important to a kid’s growth and development. They add that little extra – the stability, security and giant biceps. Of course it helps that daddy can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat and hold the fort while I go out for a shopping spree.

In short, Happy Fathers’ Day, sweetheart. You rock my world too.

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stuff best described as not safe for parents, the breast things in life are free, unqualified parenting tips

Mutual assured destruction

June 15, 2010

School holidays are best spent with friends. Great for the kids but more importantly, great for the parents. We call it MAD – mutual assured destruction, where they neutralize each other’s powers and all of them are completely knocked out by naptime. Spectacular win for Team Parents.

Plus, it’s so cute to see little people playing with other little people who are not your own kids. Your own siblings are always snatching your toys and being a real pain in the ass but friends, ooh, they’re so fun to be with, look they have cool cars and water guns!

And that’s not taking into account the free massages you get while you take a break and sip your water. Boys have to stick together and wear the same manly colors like brown and khaki.

Tru loves having a boy friend to play with. Not boyfriend, but boy friend. Ah, you know what I mean. All that testosterone needs to find other testosterone to be happy. They trade cars and kungfu moves and peer at creepy crawlies. Except ants. Tru hates ants. One time, he saw an ant (actually it was just a speck of dirt but he was convinced it was an ant) in his bathtub and had a meltdown of epic proportions. Even after I scooped it out, he made me change the water and scrub the tub before agreeing to get in again.

Kirsten’s favorite game now is sitting on Tru’s back and smacking him to make him go faster. He’s been a very obliging horse but he doesn’t understand the concept of size so he tries to sit on her when it’s his turn, which usually doesn’t end very well. It’s hard to explain to a kid that his sister is too small to be sat on but big enough to usurp his toys.

Oh and Tru’s latest Casanova move is  to grab us by the cheeks and plant a big, juicy kiss square on the lips. He know that when he does that, he basically gets anything he wants.

I’ll be keeping a close eye on my little Georgie Porgie when he goes back to school.

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Father Inc, i embarrass myself sometimes, not feeling so supermom, side effects of motherhood, stuff best described as not safe for parents, unqualified parenting tips

Good cop, bad cop

June 8, 2010

Good cop, bad cop is a strategy we use all the time in disciplining the kids. From the onset, we agreed that we’ll rotate the roles so that it’s fair and we both get to be the good cop at some point. Because nobody wants to be the bad cop. Besides sociopaths, that is. Or masochists with a sadistic streak. But well, neither of us fall into those categories.

Unfortunately, it’s becoming quite apparent that daddy is emerging as the resident bad cop. Why? Because mommy has no backbone and she can’t keep a straight face when it comes to discipline. Also, it’s terribly weird to talk about myself in the third person.

The kids seem to sense that weakness and they have been exploiting it. They do their cute I’m-so-sorry-didn’t-mean-to-do-it move and I feel bad about being upset because they’re obviously just babies and innocent and all puppy dog eyes looking at me. That makes me immediately forget about how they spat out food all over the floor 30 seconds ago. WHILE I’M STILL STANDING IN THE SPITTLE. I’m such a cliche.

So now whenever we do good cop bad cop, Kelvin gets to be the bad cop while I dangle bribes of ice-cream and Yakult. It never works though and I don’t even know why I bother.

Me: Tru, if you finish your food mommy will let you have a scoop of ice-cream.

Tru: ICE-CREAM!!! GIVE ME ICE-CREAM! GIVE ME GIVE ME!!

Me: I meant you have to FINISH your food first.

Tru: I’m all done. Give me ice-cream!!!

Me: No, you’re not done. You can’t be done if you haven’t even started.

Tru: ICE CREAM!!!!

That goes on for a while until he grabs his head and slumps onto the table, which is his sign for “I don’t care about your stupid ice-cream anyway. It’s not worth having to swallow this broccoli for.”

That’s me wasting 15 minutes of my life trying to bargain with a two-year-old.

So it’s the cue for bad cop to step in.

Kelvin: Tru, open your mouth, say ahhhhh.

Tru: No, don’t like.

Kelvin: Do you like the naughty corner?

Tru: No, don’t like.

Kelvin: I’m going to count to three and if you don’t eat by the time I get to 3, you know where you’re going to. 1…2…

And it works like a charm. Once in a while he tries his luck and ends up in the naughty corner. Daddy says it’s about consistency, which I have none of. I keep trying to find excuses to cut him some slack, to not have to put him in the naughty corner because it breaks momma’s tender little heart to see him cry.

If this goes on I’ll be the kind of mother that has to leave the discipline to their husbands and the best they can do is pull out their killer phrase “wait till daddy gets home” whenever the kids start becoming bratty. But that won’t work very well for me because by the time daddy gets home, I’ll have a VERY LONG list of things, some of which I’m likely to forget.

I think I better start lessons on being a bad cop before Kirsten gets smarter and I get eaten alive by TWO kids with innocent baby eyes.

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getting ready for baby, how i pretend to be a cool mum, side effects of motherhood, unqualified parenting tips

Finally, a website dedicated to making more babies

April 30, 2010

Tomorrow’s a big day for anyone with kids, those trying for a kid, with a bun already baking in the oven, or wouldn’t mind having a kid in the near future, pretty much everybody, actually. Unless you’re 15 and not even allowed to have sex yet, then you probably want to skip this.

It’s going to be the launch of maybebaby.sg, a portal for couples, newlyweds and new parents. Sort of like a one-stop shop for all your babymaking and babycaring needs. I know every new parent’s best friend is Google, but sometimes it sends you on a wild goose chase to sites like this one when all you want to know is whether it’s normal for your boobs to be spraying milk. (BTW, it’s totally normal, and there, I totally answered your question. You’re welcome.) So that’s why it’s good to have a proper website dedicated to providing useful information for couples planning for a baby so you don’t have to sieve through all that information. There’s someone to do it for you.

If you’re the cynical sort and you’re all “I bet there’s some agenda for this website“, then you’re absolutely right. They’re on a mission to convince people to make more babies, which is like having your mom make up a song about how cool eating vegetables is because it’s good for you and you realize that you’re thankful because you don’t end up constipated for three weeks. Except making babies is way more fun than eating vegetables, so we all win.

And what do you know, having more babies is just so happens to be my goal in life, so you can say that we’re a perfect match. Also, I’m sadistic enough to enjoy watching people go through baby bootcamp. Anyway, starting tomorrow, I’ll be doing a weekly blog at maybebaby and you can find me there when I’m not here.

The launch event will be held at 2pm tomorrow at Wisma Atria and if you happen to be around the area, come by and say hi. Or you can just point and laugh. I’ll be sitting in front doing what I do best, which is looking thoughtful and nodding intelligently. See you tomorrow!

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kids inc, stuff best described as not safe for parents, unqualified parenting tips

Boys and Girls

April 27, 2010

I’m no expert on parenting, evidently. Most of my ridiculous parenting theories are a direct result of watching too much TV and other even more useless videos on the Internet. Which is why I recommend that you take what I tell you with generous lumps of salt, if you haven’t already figured that out.

But once in a while, I get enlightened by the experts who actually have impressive degrees on early childhood education and I stop to listen. Then, I pass them along so that I can sound more credible than I actually am. After all, Motherinc is a *serious* resource for parenting and it is my goal to share these wonderful nuggets of wisdom.

You can stop snorting now, I can hear you.

No, really, today is one of those serious days. We’re going to talk about boys and girls. Specifically, their different learning styles because we all know that girls are far superior to boys in terms of sheer mental abilities. We can’t help that but what we can do is figure out a way to make learning as easy and effective as possible for everybody.

Of course, I’m going to introduce the expert to you now. Remember the time I sat down for a forum with Fiona Walker, the Principal Director of Julia Gabriel, and I became very well-acquainted with the mini sandwiches? She’s kindly offered to share her thoughts on topic. So, to summarize, here’s what we’ve got.

1. Girls have better listening skills and a more sensually detailed memory.

2. Girls have an advantage in the language arts.

3. Girls are biochemically less impulsive.

4. Girls generally use more areas of the brain for verbal and emotive functioning.

5. Girls are often better able to multitask, with fewer attention span problems.

Boys, well, they are basically the opposite. Ok, if you really want the details, the male brain is better suited for symbols, abstractions, diagrams pictures and objects moving through space. Boys learn by being physically active and can ‘switch off’ if faced with too much verbal explanation.

exactly what I'm talking about

If you ask me, you’re way more likely to get through to girls by explaining stuff. With boys, you need to keep your explanations to short grunts and hand gestures. Or you can bribe them with raisins to do your bidding.

I’m probably not doing justice to the original version so I’m going to just post the whole thing here and you can read it for yourself.

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unqualified parenting tips

To cane or not to cane?

April 7, 2010

This is a big topic, one I’ve been putting off for a while. I used to think that disciplining kids was a no brainer. Buy a cane and whip their little bottoms when they step out of line. It’s the Asian way. It’s how we were disciplined and seems like it worked relatively well looking at our low crime rate and all.

It’s cathartic (especially when you’re really frustrated), acts as a deterrence and basically shows them who’s boss. It’s about RESPECT, you know, because we frown on kids addressing us by our first names and threatening to call social services when they get caned for acting like a brat. Whoever wields the cane wields the power, right? But what happens when they are big enough to wrestle it from your hands?

Some parents wear it like a badge of honor, like “you won’t see my kids doing that because very well-acquainted with Mr Cane LOL“. Methinks your reign of terror will come to an abrupt end once your 7-feet tall little boy becomes Mr cane-destroyer.

The past two years, we haven’t really needed to formulate a discipline blueprint yet. Repeated explanations worked well enough to establish boundaries. For the really dangerous stuff like playing with electrical sockets, we just needed to cordon off those areas. However, Tru is slowly entering the stage of testing those boundaries intentionally. Whenever we tell him not to do something, he watches us with a glint in his eye while inching closer and closer to it. Some days, he goes for the kill and laughs maniacally like “haha, I got away with jumping into the tub fully clothed right after I took my shower.”

Therein lies the dilemma. He’s obviously trying to see if we’re serious about making good our promises and threats. So that means when he does something he’s not supposed to do, the ball is in my court to follow through with the appropriate discipline. I’m cool with that. The problem is finding an effective method of discipline.

To be honest, I’m reluctant to use the cane. I know the debate rages on among Christian camps like how we must apply the rod of correction to drive away foolishness. But my reasons for not using the cane are twofold.

1. I HATED being caned and it wasn’t even that effective. I would be so upset for so many days after every *correction* that it would just eat me up inside. After that, I would go out of my way to see how many times I could get away with being bad without getting caned because it was the only way to feel like I won. That I beat the system.

2. I’m not going for deterrence. I want them to grow up to do what is right, not just avoid doing what is wrong. I want them to understand what it means to be helpful and generous and kind, to love people and be the bigger person and NOT feel proud that they managed to escape punishment when they made a mistake.

I’ve been reading up extensively on all the various theories of disciplining children and I’ve come to only one conclusion. You’ve got to take into account the kid’s temperament, their intention and their actions while maintaining a semblance of consistency and fairness.

This is virtually impossible with multiple kids because what works for one kid may not work for the rest. But if you employ different methods for each kid, it comes across as terribly unfair. There’s just no way around it. My dad used to say that there’s no such thing as fairness and I used to say that it’s a convenient excuse for partiality but now, I’m starting to agree.

We’ve come up with a few guidelines for now. The naughty corner seems to work for Tru but it mostly acts as a timeout chair so that he can calm down and stop being in a frenzy. And we do it only when he willfully disobeys us or is being mean. Like when he smashed the phone into Kirsten’s face because he was upset, he got naughty-cornered good and proper while she got a bloody nose. Fair? I don’t know.

Also, we’ll make sure we discipline the kids in private. Which means that the rest of the kids don’t know what’s going on in the room and for all they know, we could be having a party. Hopefully, they don’t trade notes like who gets what next time.

And the thing is, kids are kids. They’re expected to mess up, destroy stuff, lose stuff, fight, lie their way out of trouble, be selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed. We’re expected to teach them by being the opposite. I’m just not sure I want to be upset with them all the time over everything. I mean, we still make mistakes ourselves and sometimes we learn the hard way.

As long as they grow up to know what is right and try their best to do it, I think I would have done a respectable job of parenting.

You got any tips for discipline? Come on, share a little.

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how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, side effects of motherhood, unqualified parenting tips

Recession-Proof Mommy (Part 2)

May 3, 2009

10 tips to stretch your dollar without compromising on quality (continuation):

6. Scout the newspapers for discounts and promotions.

Supermarkets often advertise their promotions in the papers and a quick browse through everyday will save you quite a bit. I used to mock those who cut out supermarket coupons and promotional codes, but it’s retribution, because I’ve been hoarding coupons like a bag lady.

But look who’s laughing now. I know where to get the best prices for all my essentials, which leaves me more money to buy non-essentials like my Coach baby bag.

7. Rent it.

Instead of buying items that you’ll not need for a long time, try renting it for a couple of months. In the first 3 months after the baby is born, a co-sleeper cot comes in very handy for those midnight feeds. With the cot right beside your bed, you can reach out and grab the baby, feed, and put him back without even having to get out of bed. But items like these lasts for a few months at most, and you’ll have to upgrade to a regular cot, which makes rental a very feasible option.

You can also rent toys for your kids to play with and rotate them on a monthly basis since they get bored of the same old toys very quickly anyway.

8. Most expensive is not always best.

It’s all a marketing ploy to make us think that costly items are far superior than the cheaper alternatives, but the truth is, a significant bulk of the cost goes to paying for advertising and branding. When choosing milk powder and baby food, what’s more important is the nutritional value and how your baby reacts to it.

Likewise, for other stuff like clothes and toys, look for suitability rather than blindly buy the most expensive item on the shelves. I’ve come to realize that Tru prefers playing with tissues, keys, insects and dirt way more than his very expensive toys.

9. Join a library or a book club.

Education is very important and mothers these days start reading to their kids at birth. Hah, but we started even before Tru was born, so he’s going to be like the most ingenious genius around, so there. Instead of buying books, I bring him to the library to pick out a few books to read.

Book clubs are also a brilliant way to start your child on reading programs. Mothers usually gather to share books and conduct storytelling sessions. So while your kids are distracted, you get to chill out with other moms over a cuppa and some scones.

10. Shop at thrift stores or flea markets.

I know it sounds terribly un – g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s, but before you go all Fergie on me, I’m pretty sure flea markets don’t actually have fleas (at least, not all the time). Once in a while, you’ll find some really good deals at these places, but you have to look past the grime and see the potential.

A friend of mine managed to buy a whole kitchen play set (RP: $150) for $10. It did take some cleaning up, but after that, it was almost as good as new. Even if you paid a cleaner $10 to wash it, it’s still a steal.

So what I’m trying to say is that being a mother is not that tough nor expensive. All it takes is a little bit of ingenuity plus lots of creativity, and you’ll be recession-proof in no time. And in the unlikely event that all 10 tips fail, it’s not the end of the world. McDonalds is always looking for people to flip patties.

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