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stuff best described as not safe for parents

stuff best described as not safe for parents

MISSING: Have you seen this duck blankie?

For the first 6 months of her life, Kirsten had a best friend called Kiki. They loved each other like best friends did and spent many happy moments together.

And then one day, I lost her (the friend, not Kirsten). She was real upset and cried herself to sleep for many nights.

We searched everywhere for a new best friend but it was just not the same. Too furry, too pink, too thick, not fluffy enough. Eventually, she settled on a new friend and we all heaved a sigh of relief because things were good again.

Just to be safe, we even went out to buy 4 more of those new friends as backups. We would have bought more if not for the fact that we seemed to have bought the last 5 bright yellow Goldbug duck blankies in the entire Singapore.

Over the past year and a half, we lost 4 of them. And last week, we lost the 5th one. I know, like who loses 5 blankies right?

Well, apparently, I do.

I’m now offering a reward of $19.95, a pack of gummies and a very nice email for anyone who is able to find this duck.

not feeling so supermum, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Wormlets are a bad, bad idea

There’s this thing I like to do when the kids step out of the shower. I call it the wormlet. Well, because they get wrapped up nice and tight and wriggly like a teensy weensy little baby worm.

The benefits of the wormlet are manifold. They stay warm so they don’t catch a cold. They stay snug so I don’t have to chase their flailing naked bottom around the house. They are held captive so I get to munch on those baby cheeks twice a day. Also, come on, do I need to tell you how cute this looks?

But then my friend, Sean has been telling us for months that the wormlet is a bad, bad idea. It’s an accident waiting to happen because should they trip and fall, they can’t use their hands to break the fall and will fall flat on their face. Apparently he knows this because it happened to him as a child and that’s how he split his chin open.

Except I was all “my kids have exceptional balance and besides, the walk from the bathroom to the bedroom is like 20 steps tops. That’s practically fall-proof.”

I obviously didn’t factor in the fact that I’m an accident magnet and anyone who’s got my genes is pretty much doomed.

And this is where I tell you that baby girl had a nasty fall while doing the wormlet and split open her bottom lip. Thankfully it wasn’t her chin and thankfully she didn’t need stitches. She does however, have a battle scar in the form of a ginormous ulcer that she now wears like a badge of honor.

Which means that she’s basically gets whatever she wants for the next few days because she’s got +100 I-told-you-so points after mommy made her fall on her face.

Kirsten: Mommy can I have gummies/ice-cream/yoghurt/lollipop/juice/french fries?

Me: After lunch, baby.

Kirsten: See, my lip pain pain.

Me: Ok ok, fine. I guess you can have some now. *sigh*

stuff best described as not safe for parents

My take on the Singapore General Elections.

I’ve been mulling a long time over whether or not to do a post on the General Elections seeing how politics is such a contentious issue and this is after all a happy family blog.

The truth is, I’ve never been this interested in local politics in all my 28 years and this political awakening (if you can call it that) is a big deal for me. Not that I don’t like politics as a whole because I spent days camped out in front of the TV watching CNN during the last few American Presidential elections and my entire Final Year Thesis was on the topic of American politics. I’ve just never been interested in local politics because it seemed like such a lost cause to me. It was always just a bunch of disgruntled old men yelling at other less disgruntled old men – something I had very little interest or time for.

This time though, I’m excited because not only do we finally have a chance to vote (instead of being told we have no options), we’re also seeing young voters being interested in the voting process. I’ve been reading so many political opinions of late that it didn’t seem right to just sit this one out.

For starters, here’s what I’d really like to see in government.

1. I want a government that knows how to man up and say “I’m sorry” when they’ve made a mistake. For example, a mistake on the scale of busting the YOG budget by 3 times needs to be addressed with a decent amount of compunction rather than dismissiveness. With this current crop of PAP leaders, sorry really does seem to be the hardest word. Hey here’s a thought, people are more forgiving when you take responsibility and say “I’m sorry, I messed up big time.” You see, only after I hear the apology, I’ll be ready to hear about all the wonderful things you’ve done in your 5 years in office, not the other way around.

2. I want a government that really listens. The only defense that the PAP constantly falls back on these days is “I know better so just sit down and shut up.” Even if you genuinely believe that your Cambridge degrees and life of entitlement makes you better and smarter than everyone else, it would still do you a lot of good to listen to the struggles of your people. And by listening, I don’t mean walking around a week before election wearing flowers and doing your presidential wave.

3. I want a government that’s accountable. Ok, that’s my beef with a one-party system right there, a complete lack of checks and balances. It may have worked 57 years ago when you were ruling a country who didn’t know any better but we do know better now and one of the pitfalls of such a system is beginning to manifest itself in the form of disconnected, arrogant leaders who assume they have a right to lead just because they have kissed enough bottoms and made the right political connections. Connections like um say, marrying the private secretary of the Prime Minister.

4. I want a government that rises above the need to resort to threats in order to get votes. It’s insulting that you think our votes can be bought by shiny new lifts and a fresh coat of paint. If the price to pay for upgrading is my integrity and sense of justice, I’d much rather walk up that extra flight of steps and carry both my kids to run in the rain, thankyouverymuch. Also, what about your supporters living in these opposition constituencies? It’s a tad mercenary that you would sacrifice them as collateral damage just to prove a point, isn’t it?

5. I want a government that understands the value of humility and servitude. Often, it’s not just what you do but the manner in which you do it that counts. It bugs me that our Ministers talk down to the very people they are supposed to serve just because they don’t share the same opinions. You don’t get to be all high and mighty and demand that Singaporeans kiss the very ground you tread on. After all, we were the ones who put you in office and we will take you out if you alienate enough voters.

To all the people who think that voting the PAP means voting for stability, my only question is this, stability for who? If I were an incompetent Minster drawing $1.9 million of taxpayer’s money annually, I’d be yelling about stability too. I mean, it’d be mighty unstable for me if I had to one day *gasp*, take a ride on a crowded train like all my minions. And then I’d actually have to walk from point to point because where will I ever find the money to have people carry me around on their shoulders while I wear this ridiculous garland around my neck. I can’t be certain but even if Desmond Choo did momentarily lose the use of both his legs, there’s a whole range of fancy motorized wheelchairs that can serve as perfectly good modes of transportation. There’s really no need to rely on a human sedan these days. Last time I checked, you guys were supposed to BE public servants, not HAVE a lot of public servants.

Now lest you think that I’m dissing all the good work our government has done in years gone by, I’m not. I have a lot of respect for MM Lee, SM Goh, PM Lee (Jr) and a select handful of Ministers. I’ll be the first to say that I’m terribly proud of how far Singapore has come with all that was going against us so props to y’all. On my recent flight back from Florida, I was seated next to an elderly American gentleman who was thrilled to be sitting next to a “tiny Asian girl who didn’t take up too much arm room” (exact words, I promise) and decided to reward my lack of size with a spirited discourse about our Minister Mentor’s awesomeness the moment he heard that I was from Singapore. He went on and on about MM Lee’s political acumen, sharp thinking and fabulous policy-making skills. I have to admit that it was nice to know how much respect people all over the world have for one of us. Finally, he asked me “so what do you think of him?” To which I replied, “I agree with everything that you’ve said and even though we sometimes don’t like him very much, he is the single most respected man in all of Singapore.”

That said, I just have a teensy weensy problem with the argument that just because they’ve had a proven track record, we should blindly cast our vote for all the subsequent leaders that they pick out for the sake of stability. First of all, we all know that past successes don’t necessarily guarantee future success. Second, for all their success in ruling the nation with a tight fist, the leaders in PAP don’t seem to be particularly adept at picking the next generation of leaders. If you’re saying that after scouring the entire list of under-30 Singaporeans and the best you can come up with is a Tin Pei Ling, that tells me all I need to know about your selection skills. I have nothing against Pei Ling as a person and I’m sure she’s every bit as saccharine sweet as her photos suggest but I have a lot against her ability to serve the needs of the people. Underneath the hollow-sounding rhetoric she dishes out, I see no substance or even real desire to better the needs of Singaporeans. It seems to me that the only criteria to be selected as a future leader in the PAP is to be able to memorize and regurgitate the party’s rhetoric (that is starting to sound as empty as a big fat black hole of emptiness).

I’m also not surprised by the popularity of her direct opposition candidate, Nicole Seah. After hearing her various speeches and interviews, I am suitably impressed. Yes, I get that she’s even younger, has no track record or experience, gets a little nervy during some of her speeches and is probably this popular only because of the seeming incompetence of Tin Pei Ling. All fair criticisms, but if if I could vote in that constituency, she would still definitely have my vote for the very fundamental reason that she’s got heart – something that’s sorely missing in our incumbent party. I respect the fact that with all her inexperience and practically zero chance of drawing a $15,000 monthly salary, she was willing to offer her candidacy simply because she wanted to make a change for the benefit of the people. Her agenda is not a fat paycheck but to put right the things that have gone so very wrong in our government. I’d go as far as to say that even if she made it into parliament and doesn’t accomplish all the things she set out to, that’s ok because damnit, she tried.

I’m growing tired of hearing the PAP say that change can only come from within. After 57 years as the ruling party, the most notable change I see is in relation to how their paychecks are getting larger. The only way to show that Ministers don’t have to draw an obscene salary from taxpayer’s money is to have brilliant Ministers who are not in it for the money and yet no less committed or capable than those who demand to have their coffers padded.

This is definitely going to be a watershed election and I’m proud to have candidates like Sylvia Lim (in my opinion, the best public speaker in the local politics scene), Low Thia Khiang and Chen Show Mao offering their services to the nation. For the first time, I feel like there’s a chance we as the people have the power to effect change. Instead of sitting around and complaining that things aren’t right and we can’t do anything about it, we see candidates who are willing to step up to the plate to make a difference. And more importantly, we see voters (especially younger ones) who aren’t ignorant or apathetic.

On this note, I’d like to point out that identifying certain glaring faults in the incumbent party does not make one anti-PAP or pro-opposition. Voters are a lot more discerning these days and just because they question some facets of your leadership does not make them the enemy. The bottom line is that I vote for progress and if that comes in the form of non-PAP politicians, that gets my vote. And I can honestly say that if the PAP can indeed bring change from within and address all the issues that have been raised, I’d be happy to be called pro-PAP.

For now though, there are several PAP candidates that don’t deserve a seat in parliament. A lot has been said about the GRC system and for all its merits, it doesn’t seem right that mediocrity is rewarded just because the right alliances are made. To be more precise, it would be a great disservice to Singaporeans if Tin Pei Ling gets a parliamentary seat and Sylvia Lim doesn’t.

In any case, this election is going to be more exciting than an episode of 24.

PS. Also, PAP, just cut it out with the comrades thing. The only people I know who went around calling everyone comrades were perpetrators of genocide. Seriously, just stop it.

stuff best described as not safe for parents

Ah Beng goes to East Coast

I’m dedicating this post to anyone who at one point in their misguided youth ever (secretly) thought ah bengs and ah lians were cool. Or might have ever been one before (not judging!) I could never bring myself to be one but I’ll admit that there was a point in my life where I thought the outrageously tacky dressing was kind-of-almost-ok-more-than-a-little-bit awesome.

It seems like my kids may just revive the ah beng/lian look and give it a new grunge meets j-pop twist. Basically, a walking fashion disaster.

And yes, I actually let my kids out of the house looking like this. Very terriberrrr parenting.

stuff best described as not safe for parents

Who knew jet lag was contagious? Explains why the kids are having it too.

I just had the weirdest morning. Still jet-lagging, we were up at 4.30 feeling ravenously hungry and unmistakably awake – a terrible combination at that sort of hour. Instead of spending the next 3 hours getting frustrated trying to fall back asleep, we decided to get up and order a McD’s breakfast, hoping to placate the hunger before attempting to go back to bed.

Just as the husband headed out the door, Truett woke up all blurry eyed. He was all “mommy, what are you doing?” while I was like “shhhh, go back to bed, daddy went to buy McDonald’s.” Ok, never mention that word to a 2-year-old at 4.30 in the morning. He sat right up and declared “I’m very hungry, I need to eat McDonalds.” Several minutes later, Kirsten woke up because kids have a sixth sense about the M word in the house.

So there we were having hash browns and fish burgers in the dead of the night. If there was any hope of us going back to sleep after that, it all disappeared after that last mouthful of iced milo when Truett decided it was time to play with his toys. And the weirdest thing was, we just went along with it.

The parent side of my brain said it was crazy, but I didn’t particularly fancy spending the next two hours trying to battle with two kids who were well and truly awake. Just this once, I muttered to myself.

What we did was put on a Finding Nemo DVD for them while we cleaned up the house. For the next 3 hours, we vacuumed and mopped the floor, did the laundry, cleaned out all the cabinets, cleared out a whole bunch of old clothes, washed the fans, wiped down every possible surface with Dettol and sat down for a second breakfast of egg mayo sandwiches.

At 11.30am, I figured it was time to put the kids to bed with a bottle of milk each. Kirsten’s eyes were rolling into her head as she drank, her bottle periodically spasming out of her hands with a violent jerk.

It’s now 4pm and they’re both still sound asleep. Meanwhile, I’m exhausted but refusing to cave because I can’t have another night of insomnia. Hopefully if I make it till this evening, I can make my system adjust back to Singapore time soon enough.

lists you should paste on your fridge, stuff best described as not safe for parents, unqualified parenting tips

Beauty in the ugly or beauty in the beauty? I choose the latter

I came across this ugly dating site recently and it’s got one of the best copy I’ve read in a while. I spent 10 minutes straight laughing till I had tears and then I made the husband read it because it’s exactly the kind of thing we both like. Yes, other marriages are built on awesome things like trust and sacrifice while ours is built mostly upon a shared appreciation for quirky humor.

As I wiped the tears of mirth from my eyes, I got to thinking about the cliches parents love to tell their kids. Like it’s not important how you look on the outside but who you really are on the inside. Or inner beauty counts for more than one’s outward appearance.

Sounds profound and credible but really a ginormous load of bollocks.

Ok, time for some hard truths – parenting style.

1. Good looking people make more money

We’ve known for years now that statistically, good looking people earn a good 10% more than ugly people at least. Depending on how good-looking you are, the proportion is usually higher. If you look like Beyonce, you’re set to earn about $87 million a year.

2. Good looking people are more popular

Let’s face it, the popular kids in school are almost always the best looking ones. Take for example the jocks with the tight muscles, chiseled features and boyish charm – every girl wants to be with them and every guy wants to be them.

3. Good looking people have it easier in life

By easier, I mean that they are more likely to get what they want by batting an eyelid or a seductive glance thrown in with a hair flick. They never queue up for clubs, never have to buy their own drinks and never ever have to make the first move.

With all that in mind, why in the world would I ever tell my child that their appearance is unimportant? I’m not saying that inner beauty is not important but it’s only by a twisted logic of fairness in the universe can we argue that it’s mutually exclusive. I’m all for being beautiful on the inside but people are less inclined to look for it if they have to dig through 27 layers of ugly to get there.

What I teach the kids is that they shouldn’t judge others by how they look and learn to appreciate inner beauty because good-looking people aren’t always good people. At the same time, I also teach them that first appearances do matter and they will go through life having many people judge them based on how they look.

If they have crazy hair, people will assume at first glance that they are at least a little bit crazy. If they have terrible dressing, people will mistake them for a hobo. If they have bad breath and smelly feet, people without nasal problems will keep their distance. If they walk with a slouch, people will subconsciously think they’re lazy. If they are brash and crude, well, that’s just bad manners.

While they’re young, I take it as my responsibility to make sure they look good. That includes giving them a haircut that enhances their features, dressing them well (not necessarily expensively, just nicely), teaching them proper grooming habits, choosing nice spectacles (if they ever need specs), keeping them at the right weight, ensuring good posture and so on.

It’s a romantic notion that we should be loved for who we really are so we don’t have to try to hard to impress others with our looks but again, that only works if you look like Kate Beckinsale without makeup. For the rest of us, we have to put in some serious work in the looks department.

Now, I agree that there’s no one version of beauty and that it’s in the eye of the beholder. I’m just talking about general consensus here. If 9/10 objective strangers think you’re hot, you’re probably hot. Conversely, if 10/10 think you look like Kim Jong Il on a bad day, that’s some pretty strong indication that a revamp is in order.

I get that not everyone is born with the best features but the important thing is to work with what we have. If you look like a 3, try to bump it up to a 6 or 7, you know what I mean. If you’re already a 7, no harm going for a 9.5.

In summary, I guess what I’m saying is that looks matter more than we like to admit. We think that we’re mature for being able to appreciate inner beauty but secretly, we all judge others based on how they look whether we’re conscious of it or not. So why not teach our kids to look their best so they get to be beautiful on the inside and out.

What do you think? Am I way off base here?

kids in motion, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Toddlers: more dangerous than you think

At some point in your life, you’re probably going to encounter this specimen of small humans called toddlers and you probably won’t know what to do with them. They seem small and powerless but they have some mysterious hold over much bigger humans. They’re known to make grown-ups pander to their every whim and fancy, dictate behavior by screams and get treated like royalty.

Experts are just starting to discover their source of power and how they reel in their victims. The most common is this four-step technique.

Step #1: They will try to fool you with their cuteness, like flash you those chubby cheeks and juicy thighs to make you swoon.

Step #2: They will trick you with their speed. Those lumbering movements may seem slow and uncoordinated but they’re surprisingly quick.

Step #3: They will try to distract you with their grin and their gay apparel. The moment you go “ooh so adorable”, you’re toddler meat.

Step #4: By the time they get close enough, there’s no chance of escape.

The next time you see one of these running towards you like this, RUN AND DON’T LOOK BACK. Save yourselves before it’s too late.

Unless it’s already too late for you, then welcome to the club, I guess. Being a slave to a tiny person ain’t so bad.