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side effects of motherhood

not feeling so supermom, side effects of motherhood

Sick Leave.

I’ve been careful to not fall ill during this pregnancy but after 6 months keeping germ-free, my body has finally succumbed to a particularly nasty flu bug that one of the kids gave to me. I can’t say for sure because they were both ill over the weekend but I’m pretty sure it’s Kirsten since she’s the one who insisted on holding my face to sleep and then sneezed globs on her germs straight into my mouth.

The poor girl was grouchy and miserable and the only thing that helped her fall asleep was being 2 inches away from my face. It was an unusual request but she seemed to really want it and according to my parenting manual, when your sick kid needs to breathe into your face in order to fall asleep, you just do it.

Now when you’re that close to somebody’s face, you can tell when a sneeze is coming. Her face scrunched up and I was about to take cover but she had like an iron grip on my cheeks so I froze, closed my eyes and took the hit.

I’m typically more dexterous in dodging germy sneezes but these kinds of point blank ones are almost impossible to dodge.

On the bright side, it did help her fall asleep and she woke up feeling much better but on the not so bright side, no amount of mouth-scrubbing and vitamin-popping could undo the damage that one sneeze did to my immune system.

Now my head is throbbing and my throat is on fire and I just want to lie down and make terrible groaning noises.

While I lie down, I’m going to think about whether this was a heroic or incredibly stupid move. Probably both.

side effects of motherhood

20 weeks, we’re halfway there

After what seemed like forever, I’ve finally clawed my way to the halfway mark of this third pregnancy, leaving me another 20 weeks to go.

In true second trimester fashion, the nasty pregnancy side effects like nausea and bloating have all abated and I’m about as close to enjoying the pregnancy as I can get. I am, however, watching the belly take on a life of its own despite my best efforts to keep the weight down. The husband says it’s like I’m not even trying after watching me decimate an entire box of durians but it’s the baby who made me do it, and I’ve already held back on finishing the second box.

I did a detailed scan of the baby at gynae yesterday and I’m glad to say that Finn is doing really well. They checked his head, nose bridge, lips, fingers, heart, kidney, blood flow and they seem to be all in order. For which we’re very thankful.

I’d like to post pictures of the baby bump but I’m now at the awkward stage where the baby could be easily confused with an unusually large dinner so maybe in the next trimester when it starts looking less like an extra box of durians and more like an actual baby.

So instead, here are some ultrasound scans of the baby’s side profile. If I have to guess, I’d say he looks like Kirsten, who by the way, has staked an early claim to the  baby.

Kirsten: Baby Finn is my baby right?

Me: Actually he’s my baby but I guess he can be yours too.

Kirsten: No, I’m your baby so baby Finn is mine!

Me: I’m the one giving birth to him, so technically, he’s mine.

Kirsten: You cannot have so many babies, you know. You need to share.

Me: Fine, you can have him but you’ll need to feed him and clean his poop. Good luck with that.

side effects of motherhood

Motherhood – the gift that doesn’t stop giving

You know how people always say that motherhood is a gift? Nay, not just a gift, but a great, big, giant hamper of tiny little gifts just waiting to pop out and yell “SURPRISE” just when you least expect it.

The longer I’ve been a mom, the more I find this to be true. Except that some of these gifts I welcome with open arms but then there are those that I’d much rather not have, thankyouverymuch. It’s like Motherhood is this mean old woman who’s handing over a shiny box filled with worms and I’m like “um thanks, but I’ll pass” and she’s all “no, take it” and I’ll be all “no, seriously, there’s really no need, I’m good” and she shoves it into my hands with a snarly “I SAID TAKE IT” and then disappears.

Sort of like that, but worse because I’d take worms over these presents any day. Ok just to illustrate my point, here are some of them.

1. Broken Bladder. 

Oh, yes. Ever wonder why some women stop dead in their tracks when they have to sneeze? Because after you have a baby, it’s physically impossible to walk and sneeze at the same time without peeing your pants a little. Or a lot. Whenever I feel a sneeze coming on, I have to casually find a nice spot to sit for a minute or so until I’m done.

2. Lopsided Boobs

These were my boobs before I had kids.

These are my boobs now.

Nuff’ said.

3. Stretch Marks.

If you’ve ever attempted to put concealer on your stomach area in an effort to reduce the visible signs of stretch marks while wearing your bikini, bring it on in for a hi-5. No? Just me then.

how i pretend to be a cool mum, i love christmas, side effects of motherhood

Ho Ho Holiday

We’ve really enjoyed our Christmas break this year. The kids have been in a spectacular mood all week and we’re all a little high from all the celebrating we’ve done. I’m taking a break from all that relaxing I’ve been doing and wrapping up with some final thoughts on the past several days.

Where’s Jesus, baby?

In explaining Christmas to the kids, we’ve told them a condensed version of the Nativity story and they know that it’s Jesus’ birthday. They were a little confused as to why they were receiving presents on someone else’s birthday but they’re not really fussed about it. At this point, they don’t care much for why they’re getting a present, because “LOOK A PRESENT FOR ME? WOW THANKS!”

Kirsten wanted to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus and so we did. When we were done, I asked her where Jesus was and she looked at me for a moment before patting her little belly. “In my stomach”, she said.

“Sweetie, I think you mean *heart*, right?”

“No, Jesus is not in my heart. Jesus is in my stomach.”

“I’d love to know how that happened, pumpkin. Wait, on second thoughts, I really don’t. I think we’re going to have to spend a little more time on the human anatomy next year ok.”

Hunger almost always works

This time every year, the husband takes a week’s leave from Christmas till after the New Year. It’s like our special family time week. This year, the kids still have school so we figured we’d let them go the school in the morning and bring them out for fun activities in the afternoon. Truett saw the husband in his shabby state yesterday morning and asked “When Truett and mei mei go to school, where is daddy and mommy going?” We didn’t really have any plans except breakfast so we told him as much.

He immediately replied with “I’m so hungry, I need to eat breakfast, if not I will be sick.” It almost worked, if not for the fact that he just had breakfast and would be getting more breakfast in school.

It’s the thought that counts

I love everything about Christmas except the gift-buying bit, which is like the bane of my existence. I love the idea of giving gifts and seeing the person’s face light up when they unwrap the item you lovingly picked out after spending all day fighting off hordes of people along Orchard Road to get. But choosing gifts has never been one of my many talents and I hardly ever get that reaction. In fact, the only face-lighting I’ve seen is from the kids and that’s probably because they don’t care if I got them popsicle sticks. Their delight is in the fact that we bought them something special, wrapped it up and wrote their name on it.

Over the years, many of the gifts I thought were brilliant and thoughtful has turned out to be meh so I’m through with all this gift-choosing. Next year, I’m spending all that time I’m supposed to be out buying presents on something far more productive, like watching movies or reading a book while sipping my latte. Everyone is getting gift vouchers so they can pick out their own presents. Done. Best gift idea ever.

Hello, Kitties!

On the topic of presents, Kirsten has been amassing an impressive collection of Hello Kitty merch this Christmas. She’s got a Hello Kitty bag, 2 Hello Kitty plushies, a Hello Kitty dollhouse, a Hello Kitty hooded towel, a Hello Kitty comb, a Hello Kitty bikini and a truckload of Hello Kitty clothes.

I have never been in possession of this many Hello Kitty items in my life and it’s rather disconcerting in that I’m starting to develop a soft spot for it (her? them?). I would normally have gone into an anaphylactic shock in the presence of such saccharine sweet pinkness but I guess it’s true, being a parent does change you.

side effects of motherhood

Blue Steel, baby.

I’ve been trying to teach Truett the Blue Steel for the longest time now, which is that deadly look all male models have. Yes, it’s the sort of important life lessons I spend time teaching my kids. But hey, it’s a good skill to acquire even if he doesn’t ever become a male model because it is versatile enough to be used anywhere, like if you have to wait too long at the bus stop or when the waiter gets your order wrong at a restaurant or somebody cuts your queue.

It’s hard to get it just right though, because it can’t be too blur or too pouty or too sullen or too constipated.

I told him to imagine how he’d feel if one of his gummies got stolen.

A year and a half later, he’s finally nailed it. Several more years of practice and he’ll be ready.

.

.

.

.

What do you say, almost as sullen as Edward Cullen?

i embarrass myself sometimes, not feeling so supermom, side effects of motherhood

Super Shredheads

I’ve been shredding again. The last time I only managed to last 22 days before a lethal combination of fried chicken + fatigue resulted in a swift and decisive end to my exercise plans. To be fair, it was deliciously crispy chicken with golden brown skin that was fried to perfection – the kind worth getting fat for.

For several days after that, I dreamt of Jillian Michaels yelling at me to “fight for it” as she pinned me down in a stranglehold and confiscated my bucket of Popeyes. It was brutal.

The great thing was that in those 22 days, I converted at least 10kg of fats (more or less) into pure unadulterated muscle mass. And I know this because when I sucked in my stomach really hard, I could see the faint outline of pectoral muscle definition. Oh, sweet definition, how I’ve missed you. Once upon a time before I had kids, I once had stomach muscles. Now, I have one rather large mass of soft-ish tissue.

Yes laugh away, but pop 2 kids and then we’ll trade pictures of our jiggly bits.

That was probably the only reason why I even lasted 22 days in the first place – visible results. I could feel myself getting fitter just after one week of jumping jacks and bicycle crunches. By day 10, I stopped feeling like I was going to pass out from sheer exhaustion.

But discipline is a funny thing. The moment you stop, it takes you 10 times the effort to get back on track. You either progress or you start regressing.  I was down with a bout of food poisoning and after 3 days of non-exercise, all my resolve had turned into cravings for ice-cream and mee pok with extra lard. And the longer I didn’t exercise, the more difficult it got to put in that DVD again because I knew I’d be back to square one with all that huffing and puffing. Vicious cycle, really.

I just realized that it’s now the middle of August and I’ve still not achieved my resolution of completing a full 30-day shred. That leaves me 5 months to get to it.

I was doing my shred the other day and Kirsten was standing by eyeing me with interest. So I casually asked her “want to join mommy, sweetheart?” She pondered a moment and back came her reply. “I don’t need to do exercise, only mommy needs. You do your exercise very well ok.”

“Well, thanks a lot, princess. One of these days, you’ll have jiggly bits of your own.”

Guess I’m just going to start by putting on my running shoes every morning and see how far I get.

What’s your exercise regime? Need a little help here. 

side effects of motherhood

Where do I sign up for the Hello Kitty revolution?

So obviously you guys were all in favor of baby girl’s obsession with all things Hello Kitty (well, thanks y’all…)

Which is just as well because the new swimset I ordered from Old Navy just came in the mail. She tore open the package and made me put it on for her immediately. Just so that she could prance around in her “OMG IT’S SO CUTE I’M GOING TO SCREAM” rashguard all morning. In the living room.

Every minute or so, she looks down at her chest to pat and admire the exquisite beauty that is a snorkeling Hello Kitty. “Oohh the cat got hat! (um FYI, that’s a snorkel mask babe but who cares about such trifles in comparison with a Hello Kitty)” “The cat go swimming like Kirsten!” “OH I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS OFF TILL I TURN 12 YAYYY!”

So a day after I successfully made her wear the “very nice” swim cover-up, it’s been relegated back to its unfortunate place at the bottom of the drawer.

It’s the Hello Kitty revolution all over again.

BTW, that sound you hear is me resigning to my fate. I’m going out to buy myself a pair of Hello Kitty crocs. You know what they say: if you can’t beat them, wear Hello Kitty.