Browsing Category

side effects of motherhood

kids inc, motherhood, not feeling so supermom, side effects of motherhood

Breathe, just breathe

February 8, 2010

When Tru was born, I called him chicken legs. Mostly because he had chicken legs, all skinny and bony. Every time I changed him, I held them ever so gingerly because I was afraid they would snap if I yanked too hard.

I remember looking at him during his first week at home and thinking how ironic it was that the most precious thing we had was so fragile and so easily broken.

It’s an irrational fear but nonetheless a very real one. As parents, we can’t help it. It’s terribly instinctive. My heart races and I can’t breathe and my mind goes blank because it can’t even handle the thought that something bad will happen to him.

But we held him and fed him and showered him with love and within 3 months, we had to call him thunder thighs. Mostly because he had thunderous thighs, all fat and juicy. Just as we reveled in chewing his juicy rolls, he came down with a bout of the flu and he was back to being broken all over again. He sniffled and sneezed and coughed and I felt like my heart broke with every whimper. His eyes were all teary so I held him for 6 hours straight until he managed to fall asleep on my chest.

Every time we start think that he’s alright, he would trip and knock his head or bleed all over his shirt or catch another flu bug and that awful feeling of panic would come back.

As he grew, my heart got stronger as he got stronger. The feeling of dread dissipated and I started to believe that he’s actually going to make it.

Then on Thursday, he came down with the sniffles again, which was fairly normal. But by Friday, he started wheezing and his chest heaved as he struggled to take in tiny breaths of air, which was not normal at all. Also, all that running and climbing made it worse so he would stop occasionally to catch his breath. We rushed him to the hospital and it was diagnosed as bronchiolitis, which sounds like a terribly scary word. Anything itis is bad, like meningitis or laryngitis or prostatitis, all bad.

It was by far the worst experience ever. They swabbed his nose, x-rayed him, pumped his system with ventolin and a whole ton of meds. He was back to being chicken legs all over again. He clung on to his blankie and shuffled his feet and smiled weakly when I made faces at him. During his entire hospital stay, we had to pin him down and make him inhale ventolin every 2 hours while he screamed and flailed and cried for mercy.

He’s finally home and all better now but I honestly don’t think I can take much more. Watching him struggle for breath is possibly the most painful thing I’ve ever had to do and I could feel myself breathe harder because just maybe it would help him.

That’s the thing with having kids. A piece of your heart breaks every time you see them hurting and I’m not sure I have that many pieces to spare.

by
not feeling so supermom, side effects of motherhood, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Just so you know, toddler sleep training is a pain in the ass

December 8, 2009

So Tru’s new nursery looks great and all, but it’s thrown his sleeping patterns all off, which is not good for me. I think the reasons are twofold. First, it’s way too fun to be doing any sleeping in. He can play on the bed all night and when he’s bored he can easily climb off anytime. FREEDOM!

Also, I think he feels insecure without his crib, like maybe it’s too exposed and therefore susceptible to attack from unknown entities. I tried explaining to him that if something was to attack him (ie a flying cockroach or gorgeous zombie with killer hair), it’s far better to be able to escape rather than be caged in but I’m not sure he gets it.

If there’s one thing I learnt about parenting, it is the need to change and adapt. Just when you’ve settled into a nice routine and you think that life is good, it’s time for a change. Sort of like ninja training. You have to keep an eye out for sudden sneak attacks because the so-called sense of security you feel, that’s false. Prior to the new beds, the kids were doing good. They sleep on their own without any fuss and they sleep through for 12 hours every night.

This transition to a toddler bed was harder than I thought. Now when I put Tru to bed for the night, I can’t just put him down on the bed, kiss him goodnight and walk out. He climbs off the bed like a streak of lightning and reaches the door before I do. Either that or he starts screaming his head off. I spent the whole week reading up on toddler sleep training methods and tried them all. You might want to know that ALL of them were a real pain in the ass.

1. Every time he gets out, just put him back into the bed and say it’s time to sleep.

According to the books, this is supposed to work after a week or two. Except that I may already be committed to the asylum by then. One nap, I did it 83 times (I counted) and he was still bright as a button. He thought it was some sort of a game and kept giggling. I gave up after that and let him sleep on my bed.

2. Put him on the bed and leave the room.

He shrieks like a banshee the moment I leave and goes on for a very long time. This worked when we were training him to sleep in his crib but somehow this seems terribly cruel and it would totally break my heart if I went in to see him slumped over on the floor after an hour.

3. Sit beside him and pat him till he falls asleep.

Anyone who’s tried this will tell you that sometimes, you can pat and pat and pat until your hands lose all feeling and they will still be grinning back at you. Tru does one better. He’ll be digging my eyes, putting things into my ears and then just as I’m about to lose it completely, he spread his arms wide and says hug. He knows that’s one thing I can’t refuse.

So it’s been a harrowing week. I came up with my own method which is perhaps an amalgamation of all of the above. When it’s time for a nap, I sit down beside him but on condition that he lies down without playing. If he tries to get off, I tell him that I’ll leave the room and he’s got to sleep on his own. Obviously he tried it and I left the room for 10 minutes while he screamed his head off. Now all I do is say lie down and close your eyes and it totally works. But it still takes him a while to fall asleep and if he wakes up in the middle of the night, I’ve got to be there to help him fall asleep again.

Which means that the little sleep I’ve got has gotten even less. My only consolation is that this transition has got to happen sooner or later. Might as well get it out of the way now and hopefully he learns to sleep on his own bed without momma’s intervention. Soon.

by
Funny or So I think, side effects of motherhood

In all likelihood I’m going to be bald in 6 months

December 1, 2009

Under normal circumstances, this would be hilarious, but now that it’s happening to me, it’s not. Not even a little. At the rate I’m losing hair, I will be completely bald in 3-6 months tops. I think it’s retribution because I used to laugh at bald people. I had a university lecturer who had a particularly shiny pate which looked like it was oiled to perfection (insert bald joke here). I thought it would never happen to me because I have thick, voluminous hair that when left to its own devices, looks something like this.

I don't even need products to look this good

I don't even need products to look this good

In order to even have friends, I need to straighten my hair every year. I figured that in the list of calamities that could befall me (like being eaten by wolves or falling into a manhole) being bald is way, way down. Turns out, life has a funny way of making a point. Which is to NEVER LAUGH AT BALD PEOPLE. Right, I get it. Please don’t let me go bald. I promise to never make fun of another bald person again. Out loud at least.

According to google, sudden and excessive hair loss post pregnancy is normal. Thing is, words like sudden and excessive renders things abnormal (especially hair). Apparently, pregnant women hoard hair like a barber’s shop and after the baby comes out, they all start to fall out. Also, the stress of taking care of a baby exacerbates the condition. Plus, obviously I cannot let my hair fall all over my face like a crazy person all day, not when I’m running after two babies, so I pull them back tight at the beginning of each day.

Hormones, stress and scrunchies – the trifecta of baldness. It’s like I’m trying to make all my hair fall out.

I noticed the hair loss a couple of weeks ago. Every time I washed my hair, clumps of hair would fall out. I’m used to seeing several strands of hair fall out when I wash or brush but entire handfuls, that’s just crazy. I now have to vacuum my house everyday because there is hair EVERYWHERE. Even when I’m calmly surfing the net, I’m losing hair by the minute. I get up after an hour and the floor beside me is covered in hair. And I’m not even exaggerating.

Now would probably be a good time to go for a new look. Go a little wild and chop off the locks. Except that me and short hair, we do not have a good relationship. I had short hair all the way till I was 19 and it’s likely to be the reason I had so little friends before that. There’s a direct correlation between the length of my hair and the number of friends I’ve got. True story.

Also, if I come home with short hair one day, I will never hear the end of it from the husband. I will wake up to hair jokes and there will be more hair jokes plastered all over the wall and when I go to bed, that’s right, more hair jokes. I will eventually have to go out and buy a wig.

I need some help here. Google is not really helping because it says there’s no solution except to wait it out for the next 8 months. The hair loss usually stops after a year, but I may not have that long. So what I really want to know is this. Should I even try to treat it or save the trouble and just go get myself a hot, blonde wig?

by
how i pretend to be a cool mum, side effects of motherhood, stuff best described as not safe for parents

The dilemma of hired help

June 9, 2009
maid2

we've maid it..without a maid.

I’ve been getting a lot of people asking me how I’m going to take care of two kids on my own without any help after Kirsten in born. I’d like to say that I’ve got it all worked out, but honestly, I have no idea. I’ve tossed and turned in bed for nights going through the various permutations of feeding times, nappy changes, screaming fits, and I still don’t have an answer. All I can say is I’m prepared for a lot of mayhem and screaming.

It does help that Tru is a relatively fuss-free kid and at 12 months, he’s practically self-sufficient. He’ll play with his toys and sleep on his own, so that will allow me some time to take care of the little one. And for the first two weeks postpartum, Superdad has offered to clear his schedule to help out at home while I recuperate.

All the people I’ve consulted all suggest the same thing, which is hiring full-time help to keep an eye on one kid or do the chores while I get some rest. Sounds fantastic in theory, but I’m reluctant to have a stranger around in my house all the time.

For the most part, I’m a fiercely private person. I mean, I love having people over for parties and gatherings, but when the party’s over, it’s time to clear out. My home is like my own little private domain, where I can let down my hair, put on green slob on my face and look like the bride of Chucky. But with someone around 24/7, I’ve got to be cordial, make sure I look decent and be on my toes all the time. Where’s the fun in that?

And that’s assuming I get a helper who’s a godsend. I’ve heard all sorts of horror stories about maids from hell that totally freaked my out. Here’s probably a good time to tell you about Jackie, our first experience with a live-in help. Back then, I was still considering childcare options for Tru, so we decided to hire someone to watch him while we were at work. Big mistake.

Despite being highly recommended (by the scumbag agency – I hope they go bankrupt), she managed to drive us up the wall within 8 days. She’d eat on our bed when we were out, turn on the air-conditioning in her room all day, scowl at Tru all the time and looked like she was going to poison our food. By the 8th day, we had to send her packing just so I wouldn’t lose my sanity at home. After the nightmare, I decided no one else was going to look after my kid but me.

Understandably, I’m reluctant to go through the ordeal again, and I’d rather be a little frazzled running after 2 crazy kids than make headlines on the 6 o’clock news. (i.e. Woman dies at the hands of a psychotic maid)

At least, that’s the plan for now. Unless I totally cave after 3 days and start screaming for help.

by
how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, side effects of motherhood, unqualified parenting tips

Recession-Proof Mommy (Part 2)

May 3, 2009

10 tips to stretch your dollar without compromising on quality (continuation):

6. Scout the newspapers for discounts and promotions.

Supermarkets often advertise their promotions in the papers and a quick browse through everyday will save you quite a bit. I used to mock those who cut out supermarket coupons and promotional codes, but it’s retribution, because I’ve been hoarding coupons like a bag lady.

But look who’s laughing now. I know where to get the best prices for all my essentials, which leaves me more money to buy non-essentials like my Coach baby bag.

7. Rent it.

Instead of buying items that you’ll not need for a long time, try renting it for a couple of months. In the first 3 months after the baby is born, a co-sleeper cot comes in very handy for those midnight feeds. With the cot right beside your bed, you can reach out and grab the baby, feed, and put him back without even having to get out of bed. But items like these lasts for a few months at most, and you’ll have to upgrade to a regular cot, which makes rental a very feasible option.

You can also rent toys for your kids to play with and rotate them on a monthly basis since they get bored of the same old toys very quickly anyway.

8. Most expensive is not always best.

It’s all a marketing ploy to make us think that costly items are far superior than the cheaper alternatives, but the truth is, a significant bulk of the cost goes to paying for advertising and branding. When choosing milk powder and baby food, what’s more important is the nutritional value and how your baby reacts to it.

Likewise, for other stuff like clothes and toys, look for suitability rather than blindly buy the most expensive item on the shelves. I’ve come to realize that Tru prefers playing with tissues, keys, insects and dirt way more than his very expensive toys.

9. Join a library or a book club.

Education is very important and mothers these days start reading to their kids at birth. Hah, but we started even before Tru was born, so he’s going to be like the most ingenious genius around, so there. Instead of buying books, I bring him to the library to pick out a few books to read.

Book clubs are also a brilliant way to start your child on reading programs. Mothers usually gather to share books and conduct storytelling sessions. So while your kids are distracted, you get to chill out with other moms over a cuppa and some scones.

10. Shop at thrift stores or flea markets.

I know it sounds terribly un – g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s, but before you go all Fergie on me, I’m pretty sure flea markets don’t actually have fleas (at least, not all the time). Once in a while, you’ll find some really good deals at these places, but you have to look past the grime and see the potential.

A friend of mine managed to buy a whole kitchen play set (RP: $150) for $10. It did take some cleaning up, but after that, it was almost as good as new. Even if you paid a cleaner $10 to wash it, it’s still a steal.

So what I’m trying to say is that being a mother is not that tough nor expensive. All it takes is a little bit of ingenuity plus lots of creativity, and you’ll be recession-proof in no time. And in the unlikely event that all 10 tips fail, it’s not the end of the world. McDonalds is always looking for people to flip patties.

by
how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, side effects of motherhood, unqualified parenting tips

Recession-Proof Mommy (Part 1)

April 30, 2009

piggy-bank-on-the-beach

Everyone’s talking about recession-proofing. Like any other job, mothers are also in danger of getting fired. So for your benefit, I’ve decided to come up with a two-part series on how to value-add and make yourself indispensable.

With the economy in a state of crisis, it’s all the more important for mothers to make sound financial decisions. While we’re usually happy to cut back on that new Louis Vuitton tote, when it comes to our kids, mothers spare no expense.

Regardless of whether there is a recession or not, their bottoms need to be diapered and their stomachs fed. Then there’s the never-ending list of baby items you never thought you’d need, like strollers, socks and shower foam.

It’s a parent’s instinct to want to give their kids the best. I’ve forgotten the number of times I’ve chosen the $35 shower gel over another brand that’s half the price, or picked the most expensive diapers just so that his delicate bottom will be shrouded in softness.

10 tips to stretch your dollar without compromising on quality:

1. Breast-feed your baby.

It’s free and it helps you lose weight so you can save on those slimming packages. Need I say more?

Until I became a mother, I had no idea how extortionate formula milk is. It also doesn’t help that Tru drinks milk like he’s been starving for three days. I usually spend about $200 a month on his milk, which can easily be channeled to more important stuff like my spa sessions.

It’s also unlimited, so as long as you keep feeding or expressing, it will never run dry. You can keep feeding them till they are 12 and after that, you can use it for cereal, cakes, cookies and cooking. There’s no need to buy fresh milk ever again.

2. Get plugged in to motherhood forums.

It’s a community where mothers gather to sell off excess items or swap for other stuff. You can find virtually anything that you need at cutthroat prices (with a bit of patience and dedication). I’ve been trawling the forums since Tru was born and here are some of the best bargains I’ve found so far.

  • New Peg Perego Primo Viaggio SIP car seat (RP: $339) bought for $100
  • Preloved Maxi Cosi Priori SPS car seat (RP: $398) bought for $100

Check out sites like singaporemotherhood.com or idobaby.com

There’s a downside to bargaining though. Occasionally, you may get cursed and hexed for low-balling the price and end up having to spend unnecessary money on getting treated.

3. Share and care.

Pass on baby clothes to other mothers who have babies after you do. Kids outgrow clothes faster than you realize, and it would be a waste to let it grow moldy in the drawers. Free up space by passing it on to other moms who will have better use for it. And don’t be too shy to take over clothes from your friends. Tru’s collection of clothes are mostly passed down from friends and he still manages to look like a superstar.

Although, it’ll be good to choose your friends wisely. Those with bad taste can make your kid look like a hobo or a tramp (or both).

4. Organize or join sprees to save on shipping.

It’s a globalized world and that means we can take advantage of clearance sales halfway around the globe without losing out on shipping. Consolidate items with other mothers to save on shipping from anywhere in the world. Plus, you get your hands on limited edition stuff from overseas without paying through your nose for it.

  • Buy clothes from Gap.com without having to wait for the local store to bring it in and shipping usually costs about $1-2 per garment.
  • Get First Teeth Baby Toothpaste at $6 (shipping included) from US or UK instead of $20 from the local stores.

Just make sure you don’t ship melamine-infested milk powder from certain countries. Death is not an attractive outcome for being too cheapskate.

5. Sell off excess items at lower prices.

We often find ourselves laden with excess stocks of diapers and milk powder after our kids outgrow them. Rather than chucking them away, the best thing is to sell them off at cheaper prices to other mothers. It’s a win-win situation for all.

Alternatively, you can trade them for bigger sizes or other items that you may need. Barter trade is still very much in style.

*to be continued…


by
blogging about blogging, Kidspeak, side effects of motherhood

Talk to the hand

March 27, 2009

The toughest part about being a stay home mom has gotta be the death of adult conversation (No, not THAT kind of adult conversation). Me, I’m a conversation junkie, so its like taking away heroin from an addict or candy from a kid.

I used to play this game when I was a kid where everyone keeps quiet and the first person to speak loses. I majorly sucked at it. I was always the kid that had to say something first. Or else I would go into withdrawal and start twitching uncontrollably. Anyway, awkward silences make me nervous.

Now, there’s just complete silence at home, except for my son’s occasional shrieks (mostly in the key of E minor), which I have successfully tuned out as ambient noise. There isn’t any office gossip, juicy updates or intelligent conversation to go around (Tru, mama thinks you’re a genius, but I just need some time to decode the shrieks), and my brain feels like its gone into permanent hibernation.

When it gets really bad, I sometimes go on a 2-hour soliloquy. I also talk to the ants (before I crush them), birds (mostly curses), and other animals unfortunate enough to venture into my house. But the satisfaction is just not the same. There’s also a nasty side effect. I get so used to talking to inanimate objects that I forget I’m doing it outside sometimes, which makes me look like a total fruitcake.

And so I write. But it’s still a monologue, with the occasional response from you nice people. It’s kind of depressing, really. Now I know why people go for those extortionate chat lines that charge you $50 an hour. The only thing that stopped me was the long and unpleasant conversation I would have with the husband after he finds out.

So do me a favor. Send a little conversation my way so I don’t go down the slippery slope of schizophrenia.

by