Except maybe a teleporter. A teleporter would be even better, like Nightcrawler. Have I mentioned that I occasionally have dreams that involve me fighting villains or running away from villains or getting shot by villains. In typical dreams, getting shot is the point you wake up but mine go on and I’m all “crap, I got shot again” but I have to fight to stay alive because I’m afraid that if I die in the dream world, I also die in real life.
But this post is not really about my weird dreams, though I have many. Just 2 nights ago, I dreamt I was trying to escape from a zombie apocalypse, which was both horrifying and incredible at the same time (just a tip: don’t take the MRT when zombies attack, unless you want to get cornered and eaten).
No, this is supposed to be about my need to acquire stealth abilities.
For the last few months, we’ve had to stay with baby girl till she falls asleep every night. Her daytime naps are great, I can just tuck her in and leave the room but at night, we’ve got to pat her till she falls asleep. Only then are we allowed to tiptoe out of the room.
At first, I thought she was sensitive to sound because she seemed to stir at the faintest creak and rustle. But then I realized that she wasn’t at all concerned with sounds like sneezing or throat-clearing. I could have the mother of all sneezes and she doesn’t even flinch. It’s only certain sounds that will make her sit up with a look of “I caught tou sneaking out, mom. You’re busted!” Sounds like footsteps, the creak from the floor boards, the door opening and closing.
I’m fairly certain that at 16 months, her advanced cognitive abilities have been trained to filter out sounds that indicate I’m still around, and to pick up on the sounds that suggest I’m leaving.
Like I said, the only way for me not make a sound is to be a ninja or Nightcrawler. Evidently, I’m avoiding the obvious solution of training her to sleep on her own at night because I’d much rather spend all that time learning to be a ninja. Of course, I had to have a word with the husband first.
me: You think I could be a ninja?
Husband: You would be the worst ninja in the world. You’re like the opposite of a ninja.
me: There’s no such thing as the opposite of a ninja, don’t be ridiculous.
Husband: Oh, if you were a ninja, you’d wake up every single person in the village, injure all the good guys with your shurikens and knock yourself out with the nunchucks before the bad guys got you. That’s pretty much the opposite of a ninja.
me: You mean the ninja stars? Trust me, I know how to hold a ninja star. I’ve read the tutorial.
Husband: That’s it. You don’t get to be a ninja anymore.
