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Kidspeak

Kidspeak

And this is why it’s so fun to eavesdrop.

November 10, 2010

Overheard in the playroom:

Tru: Mei mei, for you.

*gives her a hammer* – I don’t know what ever possessed him to do this in the first place

Kirsten: Than Tew…

*proceeds to thump him on the head with said hammer*

Tru: Ow, ow, ow!!

Kirsten: Hahahaha HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHHAHA

I have a sadist and a masochist in the same house; some might say they’re a match made in heaven.

***

Overheard in the back seat of the car:

Tru: Mommy can I have the phone please, please?

Kirsten: PHONE!! I WANT! I WANT!! peas, peas.

me: *audible sigh* Nobody gets the phone because you both obviously haven’t learnt to share.

Tru: *audible sigh* Ok… fine, fine, fine.

Kirsten: *audible sigh* Findfindfinddddd

My clone actually has his own clone.

***

Overheard in the bedroom:

Kirsten: Mood Mormingg!

Tru: Good morning, mei mei, did you sleep well?

Kirsten: *nods vigorously* Seep well…HUGGGG

*runs after him for a hug*

Tru: I want gummy.

Non sequiturs – clearly another word for toddler-ese.

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Kidspeak

Excuse my french

September 13, 2010

There was a time when I was whining about how I got nobody to talk to all day because I’m stuck with 2 babies who communicate in a series of high-pitched shrieks in various frequencies. Then when I finally managed to crack the baby code to figure out about 80% of what they were saying, they had to go ahead and learn words. Like actual English words the Queen would approve of.

By the way, I am also trying to impart whatever little Mandarin I have to him these days. I started teaching Tru his Chinese name (which I have to admit I can’t write, and he’s so going to hate me when he has to take his Chinese exams and spend half that time writing his name) and he goes “Don’t like Kai Xuan, I’m Tru baby”.

But see, that’s just the thing, I’m enjoying talking to him way more than I expected to. I love that he knows exactly what he wants and he’s able to hold his own in a conversation. I used to think that I have to talk baby talk to kids because they’re not smart enough to understand what we’re saying but I’ve come to realize that they are that smart. Sometimes they don’t have the vocabulary to express themselves adequately yet but it’s not for a lack of understanding. Just a lack of words. For now. Because they pick up words faster than we can make up new ones and one day they’ll catch up. At some point, I’ll have to pretend to know some of the words he’ll use on me when we play Words With Friends but till that day comes, I’m going to hang on to my linguistic superiority.

Which brings me to all the fun I’ve been having talking to Tru. He’s at the age where he’s picking up phrases and learning how to use them in suitable contexts. He’s also still having difficulty with certain consonants so it sometimes comes out all wrong and I’m like “I get what you’re saying, kiddo, but you really need to work on that F sound because if you say that to some people when you grow up, they’ll punch you in the face.”

How about a few examples then.

1. You’re killing me.

Which is french for you’re kidding me. I say that to the husband when he tells me something incredulous and Tru has picked it up. Except that he’s changed it to you’re killing me, which may or may not be appropriate in some of the instances he uses it. I’m not saying.

2. Food for thought.

I’ve been teaching him the It’s Raining, It’s Pouring song every time it rains. So when he sees raindrops, he goes “It’s Raining THE PORRIDGE” with wild abandon. Maybe all that porridge is getting to his head. I’m thinking I should introduce fettuccine and ciabatta into his diet to see what else he comes up with.

3. Somebody, I don’t know who.

I sometimes refer to him in the third person like “Somebody’s hungry now” or “Somebody is going to get into trouble” to add that dramatic effect for emphasis. Now every time I yawn, he says “SOMEBODY is very tired”. That somebody is your mother, young man.

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i embarrass myself sometimes, Kidspeak, Truett goes to school, unqualified parenting tips

Yo Momma got street cred

August 18, 2010

Apparently, I’ve earned quite a rep with Tru’s teachers in school, as I just found out today. I like to think it ups my street cred, like how you’re supposed to become badass after spending a week in prison but I suspect they’re using me as a cautionary tale for other parents during some of their parent-teacher sessions.

Rain, rain go away

Tru was learning about the weather in school this week and today was all about rain.

Teacher: Kids, what do we do when it rains?

Kid 1: Take umbrella!

Teacher: Good. Anything else?

Kid 2: Raincoat!

Teacher: That’s right, we wear our raincoats.

Tru: RUNNNNN!!!

Teacher: Run?

Tru: Run so fast! Raining, mommy carry and run!

In my defense, that’s only my strategy when it’s drizzling. With one kid in each hand, I got nothing left to carry a brolly even if I wanted to, and besides, umbrellas are for sissies and 50-year-old ladies. I tried grabbing it with my teeth once and Kirsten almost lost an eye in the fallout. When it’s pouring, I make strangers ferry us with their umbrellas by playing the frazzled-mom-with-2-babies card. It works all the time. I would also like to point out that I have flip-flops with surprisingly good traction, which is the key to not falling and breaking open your skull. You’re welcome.

Breakfast of champions

A couple of weeks ago, it was breakfast week, or food week or healthy eating week and the kids were learning about healthy options for a balanced diet. Obviously, I have no concept of proper nutrition, seeing that I survived on instant noodles, burgers and fries for almost the entire first year of my university life.

Teacher: What do you eat for breakfast?

Other kids: Cereal, bread, noodles, milk, pancakes, waffles, apple, sausage…

Teacher: Excellent, children! Those are all very good breakfast options

Tru: Eat gummies. So many gummies (complete with hand gesture)

Teacher: *uncomfortable silence* Ok, we must always eat gummies in moderation, that means not too much at once.

Tru does have a normal breakfast, right after his morning vitamin gummy (which I chop up into tiny pieces so it seems like a lot) because it’s the first thing he starts to harass me for the moment the opens his eyes. And the chopping into tiny pieces works because I have 1 piece for every time he goes “gimme more gummies” and by the time I’m all out, he feels like he’s eaten loads of gummies.

Birds and the bees

Then there was clothes week, where the kids learn about the different types of clothes you wear for different occasions. They learnt about how you should wear a uniform to school and a pretty dress to a party.

Teacher: Children, what do you wear to sleep?

Kids (in unison): PYJAMAS!

Tru: Pa…pa…pagina!

Remember how I was teaching Tru the proper words for the different parts of the human anatomy? Penis, he pronounces very well. Vagina, not so much. He calls it pagina, which gets him confused with pyjamas. And this, total badass.

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Kidspeak, Videos I dig

So if grandma is called mommy and mommy is also called mommy, who exactly is mommy?

February 27, 2010

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGStTXsAbwg

I’ve already established that my boy has an astounding vocabulary including words like “hepatitis” and “coincidentally“. Admittedly, they sound like “I like this” and “go see telly” but hey, close enough.

Just for kicks, I make him repeat ridiculously long words and he nails them every time. But there’s one word that is his archilles’ heel. That’s “grandma”.

Broken down, he has no problem with the syllables but joined together, his brain has an override mechanism that makes him say “mommy” instead.

I have no idea why that is so but suffice to say, there is a fair bit of confusion every time he calls mommy.

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Kidspeak

TRUGLISH – like English, except better

December 18, 2009

Toddlers have their own language and like every language, there are specific rules. Parents just have to figure it out and all that frustration caused by miscommunication, gone. The trick is figuring it out, that’s the hard part. In order to make my life easier, I’ve spent hours studying the patterns of Tru’s language and I’ve mastered about 80% of his vocabulary.

TRUGLISH 101

Some are pretty basic and can be easily inferred using normal English.

eat [eet] verb,

1. to stuff into mouth and swallow for nourishment enjoyment (only used when object is anything else besides his meals)

2. to stick out his tongue and make a face before swallowing for nourishment (only used when object is his meal)

3. to grab and mush with his hands before smearing all over his baby chair.

youtube [yoo-tyoob] noun,

1. Jason Mraz’s I’m yours (live performance at EBS Studio Korea)

2. Choo choo soul’s ABC Gospel

3. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (mix of toodles, opening theme and hot dog)

eh or ello [eh-loh] interjection, noun,

1. Used to express greeting when placing a telephone, remote control, ipod or any other metal device to his ear.

2. A sharp protest to scare birds away from the kitchen.

3. An exclamation before doing something he is forbidden to do.

ug [uhg] verb, (it’s a silent H thing)

1. to clasp tightly with the arms, especially with affection

2. to press against his chest and suffocate (in reference to little sister and tiny animals)

no no [no-no] adverb, adjective, noun,

1. YES (when used my momma)

2. NO (when used by Truett)

Some took a while for me to figure out because it was just too bizarre. However, they are used with surprising consistency.

baca [ba-ka] noun, verb,

1. to cover an object with another object (verb)

2. milk bottle cover (noun)

cat [kat] noun,

1. small, domesticated feline animal that meows.

2. any small animal with fur and four legs, including those that bark, yelp, shriek and growl.

pena [pern-na], noun,

1. to open and make a doorway accessible.

2. to remove cover from his bottle/box

The only problem with this endeavor is that it usually is an exercise in futility because the rules are completely arbitrary and can be changed according to his every whim and fancy. But when you get it right, it’s strangely satisfying because he looks at me like I actually *get* him.

Plus, I can now add a third language to my list of skills.

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Kidspeak

The Da Vinci Code

July 10, 2009
the hair that is

Words fail to describe how awesome my coiffure is

I have no idea how it happened, but in the past week, my boy has morphed into a non-stop talking machine. Ok, the only recognizable word so far is mama (which he calls with such emotion), and the rest of it is like a bunch of gibberish. But I’m actually convinced it’s actually a language. with actual syllables and words that mean something.

Listening to babies talk, you’d be tempted to just dismiss it as nonsense, or random sounds that they make for fun. But I’ve been observing him for days now, and there’s so much feeling going into his conversations that I’m pretty sure he’s trying to say something. So I’ve been trying to have extended conversations with him, trying to decipher the code.

Tru: Mama, dapaeljfes kenify juaper sakejr.

Me: Not right now, honey. You’ve got to finish your porridge first.

Tru: Dadyear tatare feislr klake.

Me: But we’re going to the library tomorrow. Today we’ll do something else ok, maybe we can go the park for a walk later.

Tru: Fasfer taerje glear leraes! Jaelr eeleares arj! issejiear sakme uwahrae!

Me: I thought you liked going to the park. We can play with all the kids and chill out…

Tru: DAJEAREASJRAIESTOIATSDGAJGAJKETIOA!!!!! ESTJLDGFGAKJSTILESAJLKDGLKADJFLKSDJF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Ok, ok, calm down. We’ll go to the library today instead. Sheesh!

And this goes on for quite a while, as his voice gets louder and increasingly worked up. He’s even got accompanying hand gestures to emphasize his points from time to time. And he’ll look at you with this intense gaze, as if he’s pouring out his heart to you in that one conversation. It totally cracks me up.

I’ve also been trying to teach him real English words, but he probably thinks it’s too lame to learn 1 word at a time and he prefers going on his soliloquies.

I suspect he’s trying to teach me his language instead, cos that’s so much cooler than speaking English.

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Kidspeak, milestones & musings, the breast things in life are free

Mom’s the word

April 2, 2009

My boy just said his first word and its MAMA!!! Woohoo! A milestone, I say.

Hang on while I do a victory dance.

The first word is a big deal. Out of the 250,000 words in the English language, Mama is the chosen one. Ok, technically, it’s not an official word, but in my dictionary, it sure counts. The husband would claim that it was actually “Mum mum”, which could just as easily be in reference to food, but he was looking in my general direction when he said it, so there.

And it doesn’t count as cheating even though I’ve been repeating Mama to him about 500 times a day. I mean, he’s the only person I’ve got to talk to, so might as well spread some propaganda while I’m at it.

As James Brown would say, “I feel good!” Almost makes up for all the sacrifice. Just almost.

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