Kidspeak

So here’s an update on the duck and sleep situation, neither of which is going particularly well. The duck hunt is still proving to be as elusive as ever, because apparently bright yellow furry ducks that can’t quack are at the brink of extinction. Experts are blaming it on itchy-fingered toddlers who keep chucking these ducks out of strollers.

As the days wear on, baby girl is slowly coming to terms with the fact that she’s not going to be seeing duck duck again, and has (reluctantly) agreed to consider making 2 new friends in the form of a ladybug and a bear. She’s not sure which one she likes better so she’s hanging on to both for now.

As for the sleeping, they’re now playing a game of who lasts longer not-falling-asleep-while-being-confined-to-bed and the prize is the sheer satisfaction of pwning mommy.

Much of the game now involves them taking turns to ask me questions and me trying not to answer them.

Kirsten: Mommy, remember we went swimming so fun?

Me: mmph *non-committal grunt*

Kirsten: Did u have fun mommy?

Me: mmphhhh *slightly longer non committal grunt*

Kirsten: Mommy you like to go swimming with me?

Me: Ok yes, I do. But no more talking. Close your eyes.

*brief pause*

Tru: Mommy I think it’s going to rain.

Me: mmph *non-committal grunt*

Tru: You see, it’s very dark. Is it raining mommy?

Me: No it’s not. I will let you know when its raining. I’m serious, go to sleep.

*brief pause*

Kirsten: Mommy where’s my ladybug?

Me: It’s right there, underneath your butt.

Kirsten: OHH here… where’s my bear bear?

Me: Look, it’s here. Right next to your ladybug.

Kirsten: How about my duck duck? My duck duck LOST IT?? (she’s recently taken to adding “it” to all her verbs, like “help, my shoe stuck it” or “oh no, my cornflakes drop it”)

Me: You don’t say. If you don’t lie down, I’m going to be the one losing it.

As far as sleep training is concerned, the kids have been regressing over the past couple of months. For a very brief spell, we had a good thing going – put them down, say goodnight and then walk out.

Then it started with a “I want mommy to stay 5 minutes” and became “Mommy can pat me please” which turned into “Mommy must sit here while I climb around for 2 hours”. For the past couple of months, their routine has evolved to having me sit on a couch in between their beds till they fall asleep.

Granted, it’s fairly nonintrusive. I get to sit there and do my stuff on the laptop. From time to time, I have to say things like “LIE DOWN NOW” and “STOP CLIMBING” and “KNOCKING YOUR HEAD IS NOT FUNNY, JUST STOP IT”.

After struggling for 2 hours to put them to bed without success yesterday, I decided it was time to start their hardcore training program. Which basically involves me leaving the room and holding the door shut from the outside. I was hoping that they would whine a little, then give up and drag their little feet back to bed.

As I stood outside waiting for the sweet, sweet sound of remorseful whining, I heard this instead.

Truett: Ok I tell you what, let’s play toys!

Kirsten: OH LET’S PLAY TOYS!!

Truett: Mommy will stand outside so we can play toys and later she will come back.

Me: Hey, no I won’t. If you guys don’t lie down, I’m not coming back in.

Truett: Mei mei, listen to me. We just play toys a while then later we sleep.

*The sound of me banging my head against the wall outside their room*

25 minutes later, I’m still standing outside their room. It’s like I’m the one going through the hardcore training program. This is me after 25 minutes of head-banging.

Kirsten: I want mommy, I don’t want to play toys anymore.

Truett: Don’t worry, mommy is just outside. It’s going to be ok.

Kirsten: It’s going to be ok, kor kor. We can play toys.

Kids: 1, Mommy: 0

I clearly need a new strategy.

On to other news, I’m now blogging for Outlet Singapore, the daily deal coupon site. For once, I’m actually going to have a (semi) proper job doing something I love, which is blogging.

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In a way, I’m glad that she’s listening to reason but I’ve since come to realize that an-almost-two-year-old’s idea of reasoning involves a very bizarre set of rules that mostly involve them getting their way BECAUSE I WANT IT NOW.

It’s a little tough to argue with that.

The kids have just learnt to form an alliance whenever either one gets into trouble. I’d like to think that it’s because of their deep love and affection for each other but it’s more likely that they’ve discovered this gets them out of trouble decidedly faster.

It’s probably hereditary because I used to do it with my brother and it worked brilliantly for us. We would devise elaborate plans just so that we could go out gallivanting when we were supposed to be doing project work at a friend’s house. My parents had a rule where we had to call home from the said friend’s house to make sure we were actually there and we’d take turns to conveniently happen to pick up the phone to report that the other one had reached safely and was not in fact, loitering at Bedok Interchange.

That was until my little sister came along and snitched on us so we had to lock her in the storeroom for an hour to help her learn the importance of sibling solidarity. Then we all lived happily ever after. Sort of.

Now I’m actually looking forward to the day that I can bust one of their elaborate little schemes. Depending on how impressive it is, I might even pretend to be fooled and let them get away with it. But it would have to be truly ingenious, is all I’m saying.

So back to yesterday. In trying to prevent his sister from touching his precious trains, Tru hid them in my bedroom and locked the door behind him. This would have been ok if I had spare keys lying around the house but from the last locked-bedroom debacle, you probably already know I don’t, which meant it was hammer time again.

Generally, for misdemeanors, I make him face the wall for 5 minutes but he gets fidgety and starts to inch away after 5 seconds. This one required something more severe so I put him in a little corner behind the door and held it in place with the sofa (it’s a very complicated setup) so he couldn’t make a getaway.

Truett was peering out with his face stuck between the gap going “Excuse me, let me out!” and I had to ignore him because it was his timeout to reflect on the error of his ways.

Fortunately for him, he had a sister to come right to his rescue. She dropped her toys and came running like “DON’T WORRY KOR KOR I HELP U OK!!!”

Kirsten: Are you stuck, kor kor?

Tru: Yes I’m stuck, can you let me out please?

Kirsten: Ok wait, I help you, don’t worry. *yanks at the door* Aarrgghh, I got no strength.

Tru: Mei mei, you can do it! Pull harder.

Kirsten: I CAN DO IT!! *more yanking and grunting*

That little tag-team move earned him an escape from the naughty corner after a minute and a half. I gave him a 1.5 minute discount for teamwork and the other 2 minute discount was for having an adoring little sister.

People often ask me what it’s like to be with 2 small kids alone all day and most of the time, I don’t even know what to say. I figured I’d just post a couple of their conversations verbatim so you get to feel like you’re right there with them. Or not.

The Robotic Invasion

Truett: See, I made a robot (using Megabloks).

Kirsten: I want BOBOT, peas peas!!

Truett: No, mei mei, you need to make your own.

He proceeds to tap her on the head with the robot

Me: Hey, don’t do that! Don’t knock your sister on the head.

Truett: Ok, later robot pain pain.

Me: Not the answer I was looking for dude. We need to have a little chat about your priorities.

Playground Protection

Truett: Mei mei, come here!

Kirsten: Um…no. (She obviously picked this up from me and does the um *pause* with a lot more gusto)

Truett: You want to sit on the slide with me?

Kirsten: Um…no.

Truett: It’s very fun, mei mei, you want to try?

Kirsten: Um…no.

Truett: You protect me can? I’m very scared to sit by myself.

Kirsten: Ok, I go.

That’s SO GROSS

Truett sees a scrunched up ball of brown paper on the floor near the playground and advances towards it while keeping a safety distance of 3 metres.

Truett: Look, that’s SO GROSS. Ewwwwww. Be careful, mei mei!

Kirsten walks right up to it and gives it a solid kick to send it flying.

Truett: Eeeeeeee, don’t!! That’s disgusting, it’s an insect.

Me: That’s not an insect, it’s just paper.

He thinks for a while, then goes up to it and steps on it ever so gingerly.

Truett: See, I’m not scared, it’s just paper.

Mandatory Playtime

Truett: Kirsten, do you want to play with me please?

Kirsten: I don’t want.

Truett: You play with me, mei mei, I ask nicely already.

Kirsten: NOOOOO, don’t want.

Truett: Mei mei, you play with me later can get gummy.

Kirsten: Later I get gummy bear.

Me: Tru, you can’t promise gummies you don’t even have, that’s cheating.

Truett: Mommy, later you give mei mei gummy bear ok because she play with me very well.