Kidspeak

Overheard:

Tru: Kirsten, can you play the superpower game with me?

Kirsten: Not right now, kor kor. I’m doing my colouring.

Tru: Please, pretty please? I’ll let you choose any superpower you want.

Kirsten: But the superpower game is super boring, I don’t even like it.

Tru: I’ll give you 2 dollars.

Kirsten: No thanks.

Tru: I’ll give you all the money in my piggy bank.

Kirsten: Um…ok.

*I typically don’t intervene in their negotiations but in this case, I had to because a) poor Truett was clearly getting fleeced and b) no money is to change hands between them. That’s not how family works. 

Me: Hey guys, bring it in, we need to talk about this. Ok, here’s a new rule: you both are not allowed to pay each other money for any game-playing services rendered. I’ll allow barter trade, or you can trade an equivalent service. Tru, how about you offer to play one of Kirsten’s favourite games? I’ll leave you to work it out but no paying money, understood?

Tru: Kirsten, how about I do colouring with you, then you play the superpower game with me?

Kirsten: But I like to colour by myself. Why don’t you play on your own and I’ll do my colouring?

Tru: I’ll let you choose 3 of my favourite toys for a week. Any 3 toys you want. And I’ll be your biggest fan.

Kirsten: *sigh* Ok, I get to have all your toys for a week. You also need to give me a super big hug and you’ll be my biggest fan forever.

Tru: Deal. You’re the best sister in the world!

I’m very interested to see how fun this superhero game is.

Also, Truett desperately needs a crash course on leverage and the art of negotiation.

Recently, Truett and Kirsten have been wanting to snuggle up in bed with me while I caught up on some of my dramas – and I’ve let them. I’m really good at watching dramas so I feel a need to share this particular expertise with them while they’re young.

Some parents say watching TV is a waste of time, that’s nonsense. You learn so much about life from watching TV (*I’m going to throw in a caveat here that you have to watch the right shows). Most of what I know about medicine, I learnt from Grey’s Anatomy. Law and politics, from The Good Wife. Government, from Parks & Rec. Parenting, from Gilmore Girls. Psychopathic serial killers, from Criminal Minds. Meth and money laundering, from Breaking Bad. How to properly insult someone like a British aristocrat, from Downton Abbey. All important life lessons. Mostly.

Right now, the only shows I let them co-watch are Parks & Recreation and a bit of Downton Abbey, and only the safe for kids parts. I’m not that liberal. I also happen to be an expert at the side-scrolling fast forward move on my mac when one of those NSFK parts are about to pop up.

This one scene in Parks & Rec, Leslie and Ben were bantering in one of those “are they going to kiss, are they not?” moments. Before I could decide if it warranted some side-scrolling action…

Truett: Eww EWWW EEEWWWW I think they are going to kiss!!

Kirsten: *giggle giggle*

Truett: They’re doing it! They are really kissing!!

Kirsten: *makes the kissing gesture with all 10 fingers pressed together* smooch smooch kissy kissy…

Truett: I bet ther saliva will mix together, how gross it that?

Kirsten: Yeah it’s so gross I can’t even look!

Me: Eh, you guys don’t  be so dramatic. Daddy and mommy kiss all the time, it’s what married people do.

Truett: Mouth kissing is ewwww, I hope I’ll never have to do it.

Me: Oh trust me, you’ll change your mind soon enough.

Kirsten: I’ll surely not let anyone kiss me forever.

Me: Your father will be so happy to hear that. But don’t worry, you’ll want to retract that statement in a couple of years, hopefully 20 or so. Hey you guys, does that mean you won’t let mommy kiss you anymore? I’ll be terribly sad.

Truett: *thinks really hard* Mommies can kiss but it has to be a small teeny weeny kiss. You must make your lips really tiny and after that I’ll faster wipe my lips.

Me: I’ll spare you the agony, we’ll do cheek kissing from now on, how about that?

Kirsten: Ya, cheeks are easier to wipe and not so gross.

Me: Wow thanks! That’s not hurting my feelings at all! For the record, I never ever put my saliva on you ok, it’s a very dry, light peck.

Truett and Kirsten: *makes vomit faces at each other and giggles*

Me: Urgh KIDS!!

Finn: *tries to take a book from Kirsten* Finn Finn READ!!

Kirsten: No, Finn Finn, if you want the book, you have to ask nicely.

Finn: Jie Jie, GIVE FINN FINN BOOK!!

Kirsten: What’s the magic word?

Finn: MEESKA MOOSKA MICKEY MOUSE!!

Truett: Hahahahahhahahah I taught him that.

Kirsten: Oi, not that magic word!! You’re supposed to say please but ok, here you go, you cute little boy.

***

Kirsten: Oh man that is so cray-cray.

Me: That is so what??

Kirsten: Cray-cray!

Me: How do you even know that word?

Kirsten: It’s just a cool way to say crazy, everyone knows that.

Me: Hey, don’t be too cool for me ok, I like you just the way you are.

Kirsten: Don’t worry, I’ll teach you so you can be cool too.

I thought of telling her that cray-cray is so 2011 and really cool people don’t have to try so hard to be cool but then what do I know about being cool. Someday these kids will define their own coolness and I’m gonna have to keep up.

Me: Ok, I’d like that.

***

I was watching Downton Abbey before bed and Kirsten was snuggled up next to me. The show is relatively safe for kids so I passed her one side of my earphones to share.

Kirsten: Why do they dress up so nicely for dinner in their house everyday?

Me: They’re aristocrats and it’s a thing they used to do back then.

Kirsten: Are they very special?

Me: Not particularly. They were just born into privileged families, I guess. It’s called tradition.

Kirsten: Can we do that at our house?

Me: Seriously?? I can’t imagine anything more insufferable, to spend an hour getting ready for dinner in my own house everyday. There’s a reason why people don’t do this anymore.

Kirsten: It would be so fun and I can wear my pretty dresses.

Me: I think you were born a century too late, sweetheart. You would be a perfect fit as an aristocrat. How about one of these days we dress up and go out for a nice dinner, just us girls?

Kirsten: Deal!

Kirsten: Hey mom, I have an idea!

Me: Sure…what kind of idea?

Kirsten: I’ll be the mommy and kor kor will be the daddy and you can go take a break.

Me: Hahahhaha that sounds like a great idea!

Truett: Ok, we’ll carry the 2 babies and take care of them. You just put them right here.

//15 seconds later//

Kirsten: Um…how long do we have to do this?

Me: It’s just been 15 seconds.

Kirsten: My hands are getting tired and this baby is like going to cry.

Tru: Yeah, and this other baby is so squirmy.

Kirsten: Taking care of babies is such hard work, I think you can take them back already. I’ll just be the jie jie, it’s more fun.

Me: How about you guys try to last 5 minutes? I’m going to go lie down for a bit. Laters!

Both: MOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!! HELPPPPP!!! COME BACK!!!!!!!!

Truett: Mom, do you know when I grow up, I’m going to have 500 babies?

Me: I certainly did not know that. 500??! Seriously?

Truett: Yes, ALL BOYS.

Me: Hahahahahahahahhahhaha. Good luck finding a wife who will agree to that.

Truett: How about 50?

Me: I’m guessing no. Why do you want so many boy babies anyway? World domination?

Truett: Because I love babies so much, they’re so fun! And boys are super awesome.

Me: Um…yeah, but 50? That’s waaaayyyyyy too many.

Truett: Ok, 5.

Me: I guess 5 sounds doable but this is a conversation you’re going to have with your wife sometime in the future.

Truett: I think you should also have 5 babies, we only have 4 now. We just need one more.

Me: <This is where I spent a full minute laughing> Sounds tempting…but you go for 5. I’m gonna have to say no.

Tru: Mom, what’s the meaning of get lucky?

Kirsten: I know! Lucky means that means good things happen to you, right? But it’s not really luck, it’s because God makes good things happen to us.

Me: That is a killer answer, how do you even…ok consider me impressed.

Kirsten: You told me before what. Also, I have brains in my head.

Me: Well done, those are some superior brains.

Tru: Then what is “I’m up all night to the sun, I’m up all night to get some, I’m up all night for good fun…?” Get some what?

Me: Uhm, uhm, uhm, well, clearly this person doesn’t want to sleep and he’s having a special uhm…party all night long. Maybe he needs to get some food and party supplies?

Kirsten: JUST LIKE ME! Sleeping is for babies, I wish I can party all night.

Tru: YEAAHHH THIS SONG IS AWESOME, I LOVE PARTIES TOO AND I LOVE THIS SONG!! <Bursts into song> Like the legend of the phoenix…

I don’t know if I just dodged a bullet there or made it worse. Now they’re going to listen to it on repeat all day.

Me: Guys, guys, let’s listen to Let It Go for the 200 millionth time instead! Let it go, let it gooooooo…

Truett is off for a 6-day adventure in Taiwan with my mom and I’m already missing him to bits.

But based on a a little conversation I overheard last night, it seems like the one who misses him the most is his best friend/baby sister.

Kirsten: Kor kor, when you go to Taiwan, will you forget me?

Truett: Of course not! How can I ever forget about you? Anyway, it’s just 6 days, not forever.

Kirsten: 6 days is SO LONG! And you’ll be too busy having so much fun…and eating ice cream…and going playgrounds. I’ll be so bored when you’re not here, y’know!

Truett: Don’t worry, I’ll think of you all the time, that way I won’t forget you ok.

Kirsten: Ok, I hope you’ll come back soon, like tomorrow.

Truett: What? Tomorrow is too short! I’ll be in Taiwan until next week but I’ll bring back something super special for you, you like Frozen right? I’ll ask grandma to find an Elsa dress or something.

Kirsten: *squeals and goes in for a giant hug* I’m going to hug you all night and never let you go!

***

This morning, she woke up all teary-eyed and her first words were “IS KOR KOR GONE? I DIDN’T GET A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM!”

To cheer her up, I brought her out for a surprise outing to watch Mr Peabody and Sherman after school and when we were done, she said “That was great! Promise me you’ll bring kor kor to watch this when he comes back, he will love it so much.”

I’m so glad they have each other.