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kids inc

Flatout the best bear ever

May 22, 2009

Buying soft toys for Tru is like trying to strike the lottery, which is why I don’t do it. He’s extremely picky when it comes to soft toys and there is a club started for all the stuffed animals he has since banished to the far corner of his cot. Whenever he gets a new toy, he examines it thoroughly for a few minutes and gives it a look of disdain before tossing it away like its infested with lice.

To date, no soft toy has managed to make it into his good books, and he insists on carrying this huge blankie everywhere he goes (which I wanted to cut up into little pieces, but decided against in case he hates it and I’d have to sew it back together like some mutilated patchwork quilt). To save myself the hassle of lugging it around, I’ve tried to replacing it with many alternatives, only to have them all meet with the same fate.

As an early birthday present, my sis got him the coolest bear ever, a Flatout Bear, which is get this, made from 100% sheep skin. The husband was all up in arms against the idea. “Some poor sheep got killed to make a bear?” I do see the irony, but SHEEP DON’T HAVE TO DIE FOR THEIR FUR. Or skin. Or wool. Or whatever else you call it. They have to suffer the humiliation of prancing around au naturel for a while, but it sure ain’t dying.

So this bear which was originally a sheep, is the latest accessory carried by all the celebrity tots. There’s Matt Damon, Hugh Jackman (Wolverine has got a soft side after all), Jennifer Garner and Nicole Ritchie’s kids all seen with the FOB.

And aunts are supposed to splurge on ridiculously frivolous presents anyway, so Tru received his FOB yesterday. (My God, it’s SOFT!) I’m not kidding, it’s the softest bear I’ve ever touched and without the artificial synthetic feel. I thought of stealing it from him and rubbing it against my face (which i totally did when no one was looking).

It seems to have made it to top of his stuffed toys list, and he’s been carrying it around ever since. It still hasn’t usurped the Blankie’s stranglehold throne, but it’s getting close. By the time his birthday comes around, it should become top dog / bear.

Unless of course, I decide to keep it for myself instead.

p.s. To the makers of FOB: I should be paid for this, so if you’re reading this and decide to reward my efforts, I’d like one in each of the colors. Or a life-sized one would be nice.

by Daphne

kids inc

La Fête de Le Petit Prince (en Anglais – Truett’s 1st birthday party)

May 18, 2009

The first kid’s first birthday is usually a massive affair accompanied by all the usual pomp and circumstance. The kid probably doesn’t have the faintest idea what the hullabaloo is all about, but for the parents, it’s almost like a rite of passage to signify the fact that we’ve made it past the first year.

With Tru’s birthday just around the corner, I’m scrambling to get the party all sorted out. It’s tougher than I thought – the venue, card, decor, guest list, food. The last time I had to go through something like this was for my wedding, and I had a very competent wedding planner who made sure all I did was give orders and rest.

I wanted to go the whole nine yards, with a marching band and fireworks, but I realized that Tru will probably not remember a single detail of his first birthday. So I might as well save it for a couple of years down the road where he’ll be begging us for a marching band.

For now, it’ll just be a smallish (a matter of perspective) affair.

by Daphne

kids inc

Parenting for dummies – the worser guide

May 12, 2009

Parenting these days is not like it used to be. In most ways. our parents had it easy. There were clear-cut rules and it was pretty standard, like “Do your homework or I’ll whip your ass” and we all grew up alright. These days, there are all kinds of newfangled parenting theories that make it impossible for mothers to do anything right.

From the time the kids are born, we’re supposed to choose between co-sleeping and letting them cry it out in their cot. Some experts say swaddle the baby, some say rock the baby, and others advocate attaching them to your body and carrying them around 24/7. Mothers are supposed to navigate their way through all the different do’s and don’ts gathered from all kinds of “authoritative sources”.

And then there’s the pressure of keeping up with the latest trends so our kids have a relatively easy time assimilating into the popular group in school. I was teaching Tru how to speak and it dawned upon me that even the English we speak has evolved so much that it’s hardly the same language we learnt when we were growing up. My mom used to make us speak “the Queen’s English”, to watch the grammar and pronunciation. Now, I listen to kids speak and it really sounds like a bunch of broken up mumbo-jumbo. Apparently broken English is the new Queen’s English.

Here’s a few examples.

1. Wanna come with?

It’s not a complete question. I feel constipated, like I’m waiting for an elusive last word. It’s supposed to be WANNA COME WITH ME, you nitwits. As made popular by shows like One Tree Hill and The O.C, kids are now speaking in incomplete sentences. So to ease my pain, I make it like a game where I get to guess the missing words. “It’s really loads fun play, especially with.”

2. What up?

Barney Stinson from HIMYM even has a range of hand gestures to illustrate this ridiculous phrase. Where’s the S, dude? It’s the reverse of what I call the Asian S Syndrome. Asians have a strange habit of misplacing their S’s and it’s really disconcerting. They will add scatter random S’s to words that do not exist in the plural form so it sounds like they have some kind of lisp. “Generallys, we wants to make sure that the meetings is successful.”

Now, I’m all for keeping up with the latest trends, but I’m somewhat iffy at intentionally teaching my kids bad grammar. They don’t need to speak like the Queen, but I draw the line at worser English. Perhaps the rules of the language would have changed in 15 years time, but I think for now, I’ll make sure they cross their T’s and dot their I’s. And from time to time, I’ll just throw in a random whipping so they’ll do their homework.

by Daphne

Comic Relief, kids inc

Adventures of the Hunky Pool Boy

April 28, 2009

Some may say that comics aren’t legitimate literary forms, but go ask Neil Gaiman, the god of graphic novels (it’s just a fancy name for comics) and he will probably tell you that you’re an illiterate fool. 50 years from now, high school students will be dissecting the genius of graphic novels as part of their pursuit of literature, alongside Shakespeare and Harper Lee.

For me, I’m a fan of all forms of literature. I enjoy Harry Potter as much as Jane Eyre (btw, John Grisham and Jeffrey Archer novels are my guilty pleasure). When I stumbled upon the Sandman series by Gaiman, I was absolutely riveted. Comics are an art form, mixing visuals and prose to form a complex tapestry in which the narrative is masterfully woven.

Which is why I’ve decided to try my hand at comic creation. It’s probably too short to be a graphic novel, so maybe I’ll just start off with a graphic novella. Enjoy.

by Daphne

kids inc

Picture Perfect

April 24, 2009

If there’s one thing I should have done more as a mother, it’s to take more pictures of Tru. Most mothers have a gazillion pictures of their tots and I have a grand total of about a hundred since he was born (Most of them not even taken by me). I bet strangers have more pictures of my kid than I do. That’s the thing though. We’re totally not trigger-happy people.

During Tru’s delivery, we didn’t even bring a camera to capture the pivotal moment. I was lying on the operating table with my stomach flapping open, witnessing the following conversation take place.

Gynae: Ok, where’s your camera? You can standby to take pictures of the baby.

Husband: Er, we didn’t bring one.

Gynae (incredulous): Camera phone? How are you going to take pictures?

Husband: Actually, our phones have no cameras.

*Awkward silence*

From time to time, I browse through some of Tru’s old photos (yes, all 100 of them) just to look back at how tiny and helpless he was back then. Here’s a few.

Every time I look at how small he was back then, and it makes me go all mushy inside. That’s it, my middle-of-the-year-resolution is to TAKE MORE PICTURES OF MY KIDS.

by Daphne

kids inc

Truett’s top 5 TV shows

April 23, 2009

The topic on whether TV is good for kids has been debated to death. So I shan’t keep flogging the dead horse. My philosophy is that there are plenty of good programs out there and when consumed in moderation, there’s probably not much harm.

What’s more, I LOVE TV. It’s one of the best discoveries of all time, right next to sliced bread.

My son has come up with a list of top 5 TV programs on Playhouse Disney.
(I’m not sure if I agree with all of them though)

5. Higglytown Heroes.

Higglytown Heroes

First of all, what’s up with the giant storage pouches in their stomachs. Believe it or not, they can hop inside each other’s pouches and hide, which is so wrong on so many levels. And why are they mutated pudgy, legless beings? Most annoyingly, they keep coming up with retarded suggestions, plus they take advice from an ugly talking cat. Go figure.

4. Thomas and Friends.

Thomas and Friends

The husband claims that the trains are possessed. They are supposed to be youngish trains but it’s so disconcerting that they’ve got overly-large eyeballs that roll around and deep-baritone-grandfather voices. And the accent. The only people who speak like that are old farts drinking in the taverns of Manchester.

3. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

There’s Mickey Mouse and his exclusive Clubhouse of which JT, Britney and Christina are members. The social status alone is a big enough draw for any kid.

2. Pocoyo.

Pocoyo

This is Tru’s alter ego. The only problem is that he wears the same clothes ALL THE TIME and he’s got a duck, an elephant, a dog, a sleepy bird and a mysterious, old narrator for friends. Other than that, he’s hands down the cutest 4-year-old on television.

1. Bunnytown.

Bunnytown

Definitely the best cartoon on Playhouse Disney. They’ve got all kinds of awesome music, ranging from hip hop, rock, rap, gospel and jazz. It’s also got a very witty script and lots of colorful bunnies. Tru’s all-time favorite segment is the Bunnytown Hop, a bunny-concert where all the bunnies go all rock and roll. Good stuff.

by Daphne

kids inc

Unlimited Power

April 15, 2009

Question: Why do guys always resort to brute force to solve a problem?

I have a theory. It’s all thanks to He-man and Conan the Barbarian. Notice that all the male-oriented cartoons all feature muscular alpha-males that have bulging biceps and tiny underpants.

Conan

In recent years, the metrosexual male has taken over, but despite their floppy hair and chiseled, feminine features, they still can’t escape their roots, which is to grunt and shout (i.e. the louder, the more powerful) while displaying their special powers.

Ben 10 Pokemon

In the world of men, there’s always a BAD GUY to destroy and life would not be complete if we all lived in peace and harmony.

So it’s inevitable. Boys grow up with the misconception that brute strength is synonymous with masculinity. Tru is already showing signs of it at 10 months. His favorite past-time is banging stuff in the house. Like when I put him in his cot, he’ll have to bang the wardrobe and SHOUT AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS for a good half hour before he’ll settle down to sleep. It’s a manly pre-sleeping ritual he’s acquired.

Or he will grab a toy in each hand and smash them together repeatedly (with an evil grin) to get that loud smashing sound. He’s drawn to the sound of destruction. I think it’s a very primal instinct. I should stop buying toys and just give him two bottles to pound.

I’m thankful girls don’t have that problem. We are peaceable creatures and we like to avoid strife where possible. We’d be happy to hold hands and dance around the campfire before braiding each other’s hair and giggling ourselves silly. There are no evil forces in Strawberry Shortcake and life is beautiful all the time. It’s practically utopia all year long and we can prance around smelling roses and eating strawberries.

I’m hoping Kirsten will bring order to the house after she’s born. There’s too much testosterone in the air as it is.

by Daphne

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