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how i pretend to be a cool mum

All in a day’s work – revised edition

February 2, 2010

Ever since Tru started school, my life has been so much easier. On the downside, I spend 3 hours apart from him every day, but that’s time I get to spend with Kirsten alone, which I’m really enjoying. It’s our special girly time.

i love having momma all to myself

Now that Tru has gotten past the initial separation anxiety, he’s gone on to charm the socks off his playgroup friends and teachers. A little bird tells me that he’s got two very cute 8-year-old girls fussing over him and it’s becoming apparent that the teachers absolutely adore him.

This new schedule is working out brilliantly for all of us. And by all of us I mean me. It’s a walk in the park compared to my life 5 months ago.

7.15 – Express milk and sip my morning coffee. The husband feeds and changes the kids and then gets himself ready for work.

8.15 – Drop the husband off at work, then drop Tru off to school.

9.00 – Have a leisurely breakfast at someplace nice and feed Kirsten baby food. Some days I even get to read the papers or fiddle with my iPhone for a while.

10.30 – Baby girl takes her nap as we take a walk at the beach/mall/library.

12.00 – Pick up Tru from school and head home for lunch. The madness begins when we get home and I scramble to cook, feed Tru, bathe both kids, feed Kirsten and get them ready for their nap.

2.00 – Both kids take a nap while I express milk and take a breather.

4.30 – Snack time (for Kirsten, it’s milk time), followed by play time. They’re starting to play with each other and it’s really fun watching them interact. Kirsten laughs at everything her brother does and he will do all sorts of crazy stuff to make her laugh. It’s too cute.

6.00 – Pick the husband up from work and head out for dinner.

8.00 – Kirsten takes her last feed and both kids go to bed.

Effectively, that’s when I get to kick back, take a nice shower and spend some time with the husband. I almost cannot remember how bad it was just a few months back. I think my mind has blocked it out completely. But it’s true that life gets better as the kids get bigger. I can’t wait till next year when baby girl goes to playgroup as well and I’ll have 3 hours all to myself. Oh, that will be so awesome.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum

Tis the season to be jolly

December 10, 2009

December is my favorite time of all because it’s Christmas. It’s also the end of the year, a time when people are generally more relaxed and less high-strung. The streets are bright and pretty. The air is fresh and crisp and cool(er). You have a skip in your step to keep in tune with the carols that float on by. I get to put up the tree and drink toffee nut latte. It’s the season of giving, which also means it’s the season of receiving. December heralds happy times.

Christmas is special for me. For as long as I could remember, Christmas is amazing. Even in the crappiest of years, Christmas always made me smile. There’s magic fairy dust in the air that makes people extra special nice on Christmas. If you ever want to sucker punch somebody in the face, do it on Christmas and you’re most likely to get away with it. But also make sure you can run very fast just in case they’re the grinch and hate Christmas and actually are doubly crabby on the day that Jesus was born.

While we’re at it, you know why Christmas is so awesome? It’s got Jesus. As a baby. Plus little baby sheep. And *everybody* likes babies. That’s like having the most awesome thing in the world and making it even more awesome. It’s a recipe for success. I mean, I like Easter too because resurrecting from the dead is possibly the coolest thing ever and totally like in your face, satan, but the whole crucifixion thing is a bit of a dampener and it just makes you want to cry.

So like I said, when it comes to December, there’s love in the air.

In addition to my recent redecoration, I’ve put up the Christmas tree and started playing Christmas carols. (I’ve got a playlist of 162 songs related to Christmas so it takes me almost a week to get through the whole cycle) Looks like I’m all set for a perfect Christmas this year. Now all I need to do is check off my list of Christmas shopping and I’m good to go.

the tree

Ever since Tru was born, we’ve started a Christmas tradition. We all wake up on Christmas morning to fresh coffee, fluffy pancakes, bacon, ham, eggs and toast. Then we rip open the presents and party all the way till the evening when the entire extended family comes over for a blowout bash with caroling, turkey and pudding.

We’re going all out to make it special for the kids like getting them the coolest presents and packing the day with loads of fun. So that even after they grow up, they always remember the feeling of waking up on Christmas morning.

That feeling, it’s priceless.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, stuff best described as not safe for parents

To game or not to game

November 24, 2009

Gaming runs in my blood. My brother is a gamer, my sister is a social gamer (she does it when I’m missing a player and I force her to), I’m a gamer and I married a gamer. When I took a shopping trip to Bangkok with my mom and my sis, the husband was over at my house gaming with my brother for 5 days straight (most days without sleeping). Me, I spent 90 hours on Final Fantasy XII alone and I’m pretty sure I’ll top that when FF XIII is out.

So it’s not surprising that my son is also a gamer. I say you can tell a gamer from the way they hold a controller because it’s your best friend, your weapon. You can’t just hold it like it’s a potato. The grip must be firm but not too tight and your fingers must have enough room to maintain dexterity. This you can’t teach.

While some parents freak out at the fact that their kids are playing computer games at 7, I’m proud to say that my 17-month-old boy holds a controller like a pro. Peruse exhibit A.

That's how you hold a controller. See the concentration it takes.

That's Winning Eleven. No fighting games till he turns 21.

You should probably know by now that my parenting style is rather unorthodox. I know all about the research that shows a correlation between gaming and violent behavior in children (if you try hard enough, you can also find correlation between a caterpillar and ballroom dancing). And the argument that it hinders social development or promotes parasocial interaction. And the fact that it’s bad for the eyes, or how the flickering light can cause epilepsy.

But in my defense, here’s what I’ve got to say. Gaming is wonderful because

1. It trains your fingers to be dexterous. Everyone knows that dexterous fingers are vital to becoming a surgeon. (just watch Grey’s Anatomy) So just look at it as giving him a headstart to becoming a top class cardiovascular surgeon. I bet Christina Yang can kick some serious ass at Viva Pinata.

2. It trains you to think fast and think out of the box. How else would you be able to rescue the princess and fight your way out of a burning castle with 20,000 minions with katanas on your tail? Mental strength and creativity, that’s how.

3. It relieves stress through catharsis. You have a crappy day and gaming helps you to let off some steam. It’s not good to keep all that bad emotions bottled up inside because then you become a sullen, angsty teen that uses your parents as punching bags. The secret to a happy and *fulfilled* childhood is to take it out on all the baddies in Metal Gear Solid 4.

4. You can learn to play musical instruments and eventually form a real rock band like the Jonas Brothers U2 and become a superstar. If you want to succeed, you can’t be sitting around on your ass pretending to do assessment books because you’re afraid your mother is going to whip your ass. It takes practice. On Rock Band 2.

5. You can play computer games for a living and get rich by winning competitions. Now that’s job satisfaction for you.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, techmama

Mama needs my iPhone

June 11, 2009

So have you heard? The latest iPhone 3G(S) is out in Singapore. Well, almost out, and I’m practically drooling. I love Steve Jobs so much I’d give him a nice juicy peck on the cheek if I ever meet the guy. Don’t worry, the husband will give him a giant slobbery kiss on the other side just to even things out a bit. It’s hailed as the fastest, most powerful iPhone ever, and I’m SOLD. It’s a world of ingenuity packed into a tiny little shiny package. Come to mama!

Now, you might be wondering, what does a stay home mom need an iPhone for anyway? The only people that ever call me can be counted with 3 fingers. But that’s where you’re wrong. Stay home moms need the iPhone way more than say, CEOs and fancypants executives in their Armani suits.

1. Video Recording

Nobody takes more pictures than mothers. Every moment is a milestone and I need to be able to whip out my video camera in an instant the moment Tru takes his first step or his first pee in the potty. Without an iPhone, I’d be scrambling for a large-ass video cam and by the time it’s ready, the moment would be gone. But now, all I need to do is point and click. Voila. I can even zoom in for a close-up of his pee-pee/ba-dang-dangs/ding-dongs (you know what I’m referring to) to complete my collection of embarrassing nude shots of Tru.

2. Awesome 3 megapixel camera.

Never mind that some phones from inferior brands come with a 10 megapixel camera with auto-face detection and optical zoom. The new iPhone 3G(S) has an entire megapixel up from the previous version (it’s a 50% improvement!). Hah, take that, suckers. I’m so glad I didn’t get the previous version. Now I can have crystal clear images while you outdated folks have fuzzy images that looks like part of the footage of Blair Witch Project.

3. GPS System

If I got a dollar for every time I got lost and had to pull over at the side of the road to struggle with the road directory, all the while having to contend with a restless kid, I’d be a millionaire by now. Well actually, I’d have $22, 852, but that’s practically like a million in imaginary terms. I’m cool getting lost when I’m out alone, but with 2 kids strapped behind, I need to get from point to point in the shortest time possible. So it’s down to having to drive at 200 km/h or get a trusty GPS. Yeah, I thought so.

4. Twitter on the go

With Tru like some sort of a mini celebrity, I’ve got to Twitter updates (see how hip i am to be using Twitter as a verb) of his daily goings-on to die-hard fans. With my lousy no-good O2 atom, every time I have to send out an sms, it’s such a pain I end up ignoring most of my messages and having folks think I’m totally unfriendly. Which I’m not. Wait till I get my hands on the iPhone, I’ll out-twitter Ashton Kutcher.

5. Voice Control

I need voice control way more than the average person. With Tru strapped to my back and Kirsten to my front, as well as a huge diaper bag, a blanket and a soft toy, I will not have enough hands to patiently poke numbers into my mobile phone. The only thing left is my mouth, and unless I can somehow master the art of poking in numbers with my tongue, voice activation sure comes in handy.

I have been fantasizing about the new iPhone ever since it got announced. Next to it, all other phones pale in comparison. In fact, it was so repulsive to me that I actually chucked the husband’s phone down the rubbish chute and he had to dig it out from the dump which was infested with creepy crawlies but to no avail and he almost got blinded by a killer roach. True story.

Just to make up for it, I might sacrifice my iPhone to atone for my mistake. Or maybe not.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum, side effects of motherhood, stuff best described as not safe for parents

The dilemma of hired help

June 9, 2009

we've maid it..without a maid.

I’ve been getting a lot of people asking me how I’m going to take care of two kids on my own without any help after Kirsten in born. I’d like to say that I’ve got it all worked out, but honestly, I have no idea. I’ve tossed and turned in bed for nights going through the various permutations of feeding times, nappy changes, screaming fits, and I still don’t have an answer. All I can say is I’m prepared for a lot of mayhem and screaming.

It does help that Tru is a relatively fuss-free kid and at 12 months, he’s practically self-sufficient. He’ll play with his toys and sleep on his own, so that will allow me some time to take care of the little one. And for the first two weeks postpartum, Superdad has offered to clear his schedule to help out at home while I recuperate.

All the people I’ve consulted all suggest the same thing, which is hiring full-time help to keep an eye on one kid or do the chores while I get some rest. Sounds fantastic in theory, but I’m reluctant to have a stranger around in my house all the time.

For the most part, I’m a fiercely private person. I mean, I love having people over for parties and gatherings, but when the party’s over, it’s time to clear out. My home is like my own little private domain, where I can let down my hair, put on green slob on my face and look like the bride of Chucky. But with someone around 24/7, I’ve got to be cordial, make sure I look decent and be on my toes all the time. Where’s the fun in that?

And that’s assuming I get a helper who’s a godsend. I’ve heard all sorts of horror stories about maids from hell that totally freaked my out. Here’s probably a good time to tell you about Jackie, our first experience with a live-in help. Back then, I was still considering childcare options for Tru, so we decided to hire someone to watch him while we were at work. Big mistake.

Despite being highly recommended (by the scumbag agency – I hope they go bankrupt), she managed to drive us up the wall within 8 days. She’d eat on our bed when we were out, turn on the air-conditioning in her room all day, scowl at Tru all the time and looked like she was going to poison our food. By the 8th day, we had to send her packing just so I wouldn’t lose my sanity at home. After the nightmare, I decided no one else was going to look after my kid but me.

Understandably, I’m reluctant to go through the ordeal again, and I’d rather be a little frazzled running after 2 crazy kids than make headlines on the 6 o’clock news. (i.e. Woman dies at the hands of a psychotic maid)

At least, that’s the plan for now. Unless I totally cave after 3 days and start screaming for help.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, side effects of motherhood, unqualified parenting tips

Recession-Proof Mommy (Part 2)

May 3, 2009

10 tips to stretch your dollar without compromising on quality (continuation):

6. Scout the newspapers for discounts and promotions.

Supermarkets often advertise their promotions in the papers and a quick browse through everyday will save you quite a bit. I used to mock those who cut out supermarket coupons and promotional codes, but it’s retribution, because I’ve been hoarding coupons like a bag lady.

But look who’s laughing now. I know where to get the best prices for all my essentials, which leaves me more money to buy non-essentials like my Coach baby bag.

7. Rent it.

Instead of buying items that you’ll not need for a long time, try renting it for a couple of months. In the first 3 months after the baby is born, a co-sleeper cot comes in very handy for those midnight feeds. With the cot right beside your bed, you can reach out and grab the baby, feed, and put him back without even having to get out of bed. But items like these lasts for a few months at most, and you’ll have to upgrade to a regular cot, which makes rental a very feasible option.

You can also rent toys for your kids to play with and rotate them on a monthly basis since they get bored of the same old toys very quickly anyway.

8. Most expensive is not always best.

It’s all a marketing ploy to make us think that costly items are far superior than the cheaper alternatives, but the truth is, a significant bulk of the cost goes to paying for advertising and branding. When choosing milk powder and baby food, what’s more important is the nutritional value and how your baby reacts to it.

Likewise, for other stuff like clothes and toys, look for suitability rather than blindly buy the most expensive item on the shelves. I’ve come to realize that Tru prefers playing with tissues, keys, insects and dirt way more than his very expensive toys.

9. Join a library or a book club.

Education is very important and mothers these days start reading to their kids at birth. Hah, but we started even before Tru was born, so he’s going to be like the most ingenious genius around, so there. Instead of buying books, I bring him to the library to pick out a few books to read.

Book clubs are also a brilliant way to start your child on reading programs. Mothers usually gather to share books and conduct storytelling sessions. So while your kids are distracted, you get to chill out with other moms over a cuppa and some scones.

10. Shop at thrift stores or flea markets.

I know it sounds terribly un – g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s, but before you go all Fergie on me, I’m pretty sure flea markets don’t actually have fleas (at least, not all the time). Once in a while, you’ll find some really good deals at these places, but you have to look past the grime and see the potential.

A friend of mine managed to buy a whole kitchen play set (RP: $150) for $10. It did take some cleaning up, but after that, it was almost as good as new. Even if you paid a cleaner $10 to wash it, it’s still a steal.

So what I’m trying to say is that being a mother is not that tough nor expensive. All it takes is a little bit of ingenuity plus lots of creativity, and you’ll be recession-proof in no time. And in the unlikely event that all 10 tips fail, it’s not the end of the world. McDonalds is always looking for people to flip patties.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, side effects of motherhood, unqualified parenting tips

Recession-Proof Mommy (Part 1)

April 30, 2009

Everyone’s talking about recession-proofing. Like any other job, mothers are also in danger of getting fired. So for your benefit, I’ve decided to come up with a two-part series on how to value-add and make yourself indispensable.

With the economy in a state of crisis, it’s all the more important for mothers to make sound financial decisions. While we’re usually happy to cut back on that new Louis Vuitton tote, when it comes to our kids, mothers spare no expense.

Regardless of whether there is a recession or not, their bottoms need to be diapered and their stomachs fed. Then there’s the never-ending list of baby items you never thought you’d need, like strollers, socks and shower foam.

It’s a parent’s instinct to want to give their kids the best. I’ve forgotten the number of times I’ve chosen the $35 shower gel over another brand that’s half the price, or picked the most expensive diapers just so that his delicate bottom will be shrouded in softness.

10 tips to stretch your dollar without compromising on quality:

1. Breast-feed your baby.

It’s free and it helps you lose weight so you can save on those slimming packages. Need I say more?

Until I became a mother, I had no idea how extortionate formula milk is. It also doesn’t help that Tru drinks milk like he’s been starving for three days. I usually spend about $200 a month on his milk, which can easily be channeled to more important stuff like my spa sessions.

It’s also unlimited, so as long as you keep feeding or expressing, it will never run dry. You can keep feeding them till they are 12 and after that, you can use it for cereal, cakes, cookies and cooking. There’s no need to buy fresh milk ever again.

2. Get plugged in to motherhood forums.

It’s a community where mothers gather to sell off excess items or swap for other stuff. You can find virtually anything that you need at cutthroat prices (with a bit of patience and dedication). I’ve been trawling the forums since Tru was born and here are some of the best bargains I’ve found so far.

New Peg Perego Primo Viaggio SIP car seat (RP: $339) bought for $100
Preloved Maxi Cosi Priori SPS car seat (RP: $398) bought for $100

Check out sites like singaporemotherhood.com or idobaby.com

There’s a downside to bargaining though. Occasionally, you may get cursed and hexed for low-balling the price and end up having to spend unnecessary money on getting treated.

3. Share and care.

Pass on baby clothes to other mothers who have babies after you do. Kids outgrow clothes faster than you realize, and it would be a waste to let it grow moldy in the drawers. Free up space by passing it on to other moms who will have better use for it. And don’t be too shy to take over clothes from your friends. Tru’s collection of clothes are mostly passed down from friends and he still manages to look like a superstar.

Although, it’ll be good to choose your friends wisely. Those with bad taste can make your kid look like a hobo or a tramp (or both).

4. Organize or join sprees to save on shipping.

It’s a globalized world and that means we can take advantage of clearance sales halfway around the globe without losing out on shipping. Consolidate items with other mothers to save on shipping from anywhere in the world. Plus, you get your hands on limited edition stuff from overseas without paying through your nose for it.

Buy clothes from Gap.com without having to wait for the local store to bring it in and shipping usually costs about $1-2 per garment.
Get First Teeth Baby Toothpaste at $6 (shipping included) from US or UK instead of $20 from the local stores.

Just make sure you don’t ship melamine-infested milk powder from certain countries. Death is not an attractive outcome for being too cheapskate.

5. Sell off excess items at lower prices.

We often find ourselves laden with excess stocks of diapers and milk powder after our kids outgrow them. Rather than chucking them away, the best thing is to sell them off at cheaper prices to other mothers. It’s a win-win situation for all.

Alternatively, you can trade them for bigger sizes or other items that you may need. Barter trade is still very much in style.

*to be continued…

by Daphne

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