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how i pretend to be a cool mum

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Mother Inc Takes On the Subaru Forester

Last Friday, I was invited to test drive the Subaru Forester for a day. Generally, when somebody asks me to take their car out for a spin, I try not to refuse. I’m accommodating that way.

When I told my mom, she was all like “what do you know about cars?” and I admit, I was stumped for a while. Cars fall into the category of things I like to pretend I know a lot about, so I have all the handy key words like torque and fuel injection but I’m not very sure how it differs from the regular injections I try to stay away from. For a long time, I thought the boot was the thing in front with all the engine parts.

So I guess that makes me a very bad car reviewer but I did some very extensive research on google beforehand to make up for it. I also made up a list of all the things to look out for in a car. I wanted to bring a clipboard along and put a pen behind my ear to look more professional but the husband said I’d only look like a douchebag so I ditched it. Then when I reached the Subaru showroom to pick up the car, the guy behind the counter looked at me very dubiously and that’s when I knew I probably should have trusted my instincts and brought my clipboard.

Me: Hi, I’m here to test drive the Forester.

Counter guy: Are you from the media?

Me: Er…yes?

Counter guy: *looking suspicious* Which media are you from? SPH?

Me: Daphne Media. It’s kind of like SPH, just a lot smaller, but totally works the same way.

He looked even more suspicious but then he made a phone call and I was ushered to a waiting area to snack on some pastries to wait while they brought the car out.

But back to the car. I knew the Forester was an AWD so I wanted to take it out on some rough terrain to give it a go, but I couldn’t find any dirt tracks so we decided to head out to Sentosa instead. We loaded up the kids, two car seats, a stroller and about 10 bags into the car and drove off with the wind in our hair.

You can check out the specs of the car on the website but I’ll summarize the good stuff here for you.

1. Acceleration

There’s only one way I like my cars – fast. I also like them big, but fast is way more important, especially if it makes that low rumbly sound when I floor the accelerator. With a 2.5-liter engine, I can already feel the difference from my trusty Honda Jazz. The moment I hit the expressway, I couldn’t resist stepping on it to feel the surge of acceleration. Let’s just say that hypothetically, if I was driving at 130km/h, the car didn’t even flinch, which I can’t say the same about my 1.5-liter Jazz.

2. Sunroof

I actually didn’t notice the sunroof until we were almost at Sentosa. I was waiting at a traffic light so I started fiddling with all the buttons and next thing I knew, it was like my Batmobile transformed. There’s something about having a sunroof that makes you feel like James Bond. All I needed was a tux and a fake accent and I would have rocked the look. Although we decided to close it after 2 minutes because it was messing up my hair, and all the cool air was escaping and we didn’t want to arrive at Sentosa looking like a couple of sweaty hillbillies with big hair. Still, it was fun while it lasted.

3. Generous boot space

You probably won’t appreciate the need for a large boot if you don’t have kids unless you’re a serial murderer looking for somewhere to stash those bodies, but take it from me, when it comes to space, bigger is always better. At one point, we had two strollers, two car seats, a mountain of toys and a thousand bags squeezed into the boot. Sometimes, I’ve got stuff stacked so high I can’t even see out of my rear mirror, which I’m fairly certain is a traffic offense.

4. Cruise control

I didn’t quite figure out how to work this but it would have been a nice feature to have, seeing that you can actually take your foot off the accelerator without crashing to a halt. So if you ever need to change your pants in the car, like I sometimes do, then you can do it discreetly while driving. Definitely a plus.

On the flip side, I was hoping the back would be a bit more roomy. With two Maxi Cosis behind, there wasn’t much room left for ferrying passengers. At best, only a very thin person could squeeze in from the front and even then, the ride would be quite uncomfortable. The accessories inside weren’t spectacular and I was only ok with the design. I prefer my cars curvy like a blonde bombshell, and the Forester, it’s more like a lumberjack, all masculine and dripping with testosterone.

Also, with the skyrocketing COE prices, it’s hardly easy on the wallet. But it’s also not extortionate so if you have the moolah to spare, it’s probably what they call value for money.

Then again, you might want to test it for yourself first.

how i pretend to be a cool mum

Not everyday is Mothers’ Day. Just today.

It’s Mothers’ Day today and I should be writing a heartfelt post about how motherhood is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and all that sacrifice is worth it, but I already do that all the time so you can just scroll down to the rest of the posts.

For a change, we’re going to do it a little different. Today, we sit back and drink it all in.

First, a shout out to all the mothers. Alright, even if you’re not a mother yet but hope to be one someday. What the heck, as long as you have those lady bits, you’re in too because one day, you might be holding one of those screaming babies in your arms and you’ll be all like, “it’s ok baby, you don’t need to thank me, I already know I’m a superstar”.

Here’s HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY! You’re all rock stars so go on, pop some champagne and celebrate because you deserve it. Really, you do.

I’ve heard people say that Mothers’ Day is not a big deal because everyday is Mothers’ Day. That sounds awesome in theory but in reality, it’s just ridiculous. Everyday can’t be Mothers’ Day because if it were, there would never be a Mothers’ Day. It’s like how saying everybody is special is redundant because it actually means that nobody is. That’s why everybody *wants* to be special because special is special.

Today, we get to soak in all the adoration and gratitude we’ve accumulated throughout the year. Have breakfast in bed, take bubble baths in goat’s milk, go for manicures, smell the roses, read the cards, open the presents. Anything that happens only once a year should be celebrated with pomp and circumstance.

While we’re at it, you know all those Hallmark cards about how you’re the best mom in the world? It’s all true. I know we don’t always feel like we’re acing this motherhood gig and it’s far easier to feel lousy and inadequate about the job we’re doing. There’s always something else to feel guilty over, like we’re never doing enough. The other moms around us always seem to be doing a better job than we are.

When I first gave birth to Tru and feeling all nervy about being a mom, a good friend gave me one of the best parenting advice I’ve ever heard. It goes like this: Of all the parents in the world, God chose us for our kids because He knew that we would rock at it. That means you are the best mom for your kid even though you don’t feel like it all the time.

Me, I’m a great boo-boo kisser (my kids seem to have a lot of those), an awesome bedtime storyteller, a kickass chauffeur, and I also do some killer Mickey Mouse impersonations. That’s perfect for my kids.

You see, tomorrow we’ll wake up and the party will be over. It’s back to the grind again, except with a massive hangover and severe Monday blues because after a high, it usually only goes downhill. The kids will throw their hissy fits and you’ll once again redefine what it means to be frazzled. But when it gets really bad, remember that even with all our imperfections, to our kids, we’re still superstars.

And as far as being a supermom goes, that’s probably all that matters.

how i pretend to be a cool mum, kids in motion

The next time I go for an event, I’m going to turn up in a Lady Gaga outfit

Always nice to have some photos to start off the week.

We’re really enjoying our weekly swimming sessions with friends. And by we, I mean Tru, who is thrilled to have someone else to shoot besides his sister because it’s no fun shooting water at someone who is completely defenseless. It’s like shooting at a creepy old dude with a walking stick. Oh wait, that’s actually quite fun.

Also, I turned up for the maybebaby.sg launch event on Saturday in my T-shirt and jeans thinking it was a casual, dress down affair. I figured that I’d just blend in with the crowd, clap a little and head off for a coffee. Then I reached and everyone else was looking a little more spiffy than I expected. It was a good thing I had Kirsten with me because babies are the best accessories. I was shifting uncomfortably in my seat until the guest of honor, MP Josephine Teo showed up also in a T-shirt and I felt a lot better.

Right in the middle, there was a fancypants ceremony where all the bloggers were introduced and we had to go onstage to hold hands and press a button. Except that I was carrying a baby in one hand and trying to hold hands with an actual guest of honor, which was probably more important than pressing the button. So obviously, I was the only one who didn’t get to press the button but I totally pressed it on my way down the stage so I guess it counts.

Besides that, it was a really nice affair where I got to sit beside Edmund, famous daddy blogger and his awesomely cute little girl. Although there was one awkward moment during the photo op where I had to explain that we were married but not to each other because it seemed like such a nice little family picture.

getting ready for baby, how i pretend to be a cool mum, side effects of motherhood, unqualified parenting tips

Finally, a website dedicated to making more babies

Tomorrow’s a big day for anyone with kids, those trying for a kid, with a bun already baking in the oven, or wouldn’t mind having a kid in the near future, pretty much everybody, actually. Unless you’re 15 and not even allowed to have sex yet, then you probably want to skip this.

It’s going to be the launch of maybebaby.sg, a portal for couples, newlyweds and new parents. Sort of like a one-stop shop for all your babymaking and babycaring needs. I know every new parent’s best friend is Google, but sometimes it sends you on a wild goose chase to sites like this one when all you want to know is whether it’s normal for your boobs to be spraying milk. (BTW, it’s totally normal, and there, I totally answered your question. You’re welcome.) So that’s why it’s good to have a proper website dedicated to providing useful information for couples planning for a baby so you don’t have to sieve through all that information. There’s someone to do it for you.

If you’re the cynical sort and you’re all “I bet there’s some agenda for this website“, then you’re absolutely right. They’re on a mission to convince people to make more babies, which is like having your mom make up a song about how cool eating vegetables is because it’s good for you and you realize that you’re thankful because you don’t end up constipated for three weeks. Except making babies is way more fun than eating vegetables, so we all win.

And what do you know, having more babies is just so happens to be my goal in life, so you can say that we’re a perfect match. Also, I’m sadistic enough to enjoy watching people go through baby bootcamp. Anyway, starting tomorrow, I’ll be doing a weekly blog at maybebaby and you can find me there when I’m not here.

The launch event will be held at 2pm tomorrow at Wisma Atria and if you happen to be around the area, come by and say hi. Or you can just point and laugh. I’ll be sitting in front doing what I do best, which is looking thoughtful and nodding intelligently. See you tomorrow!

Father Inc, how i pretend to be a cool mum, the breast things in life are free

What’s better than bringing home the bacon? Being home with the bacon.

Daddy’s been home these two weeks, the longest break he’s had since he started work. I heart having daddy around at home, he does all the manly stuff like cleaning poop and yelling at the kids while I sleep in. In case you missed that, I actually said sleep in. That’s like the Holy Grail of motherhood. And you would think that it’s going to feel overrated after you have it but oh no, it. is. good.

I can really get used to this, not having to do everything on my own. A 2:2 (two-parent to two-kid) ratio is so much easier because we can divide and conquer. One to hold the fort while the other takes five.

I’ve also noticed that the kids are closer to Kel whenever he’s at home. Tru asks for daddy all the time and he shouts for “dad-dyyyyy” in that sweet baby voice, which is a relief because I can escape diaper changes but I’m also bummed about being displaced as his favorite person.

I know boys need a strong, masculine presence to give them security and all but I miss that special look he used to give me like I’m everything he needs. Now everything is morphing into something once in a while and soon it’ll be “mommmm, don’t kiss me in public anymore, it’s WEIRD and EMBARRASSING!

I hate to break it to you, kid, but momma’s going to kiss you till you’re 65. Maybe not all over because that would be weird. But kiss you, I will.

We’re all going to be a little sad when daddy goes back to work next week. Tru’s going to throw a hissy fit when I have to tell him that “daddy’s at work, sweetheart”. Baby girl will look all forlorn again. Momma will cry a little and maybe dust under the sink for a place to hide.

But we’ve got three days left, right about the time where you start to feel the blues sinking in. The last few days of any holiday are always bittersweet because at the back of your mind, you’ll always be thinking about how it’s going to suck after. That’s why the last three days of our honeymoon was spent in Disneyland so we wouldn’t have time to sit around and mope.

Three more days and I’m going to par-ty like it’s 1999. We’ve got Kirsten’s baby dedication and a wedding coming up so it’s going to be fun. Hopefully we’ll have some good pics for you guys. Here’s one first, for the record.

how i pretend to be a cool mum, the breast things in life are free

Probably why I shouldn’t be allowed to go for events like these

Apparently today is International Women’s Day, a day that we’re supposed to celebrate women, whatever that means. I usually don’t keep track of things like that unless it involves me getting a little bling from Tiffany’s.

Somehow I got invited by Nanzinc to go for a little get together with a group of women at Overeasy, right by One Fullerton. I was expecting like 50 or so women having cocktails and I was hoping to slip in unnoticed at the back and kind of like blend in, you know, because I’m socially retarded at these kinds of events. Also, it suddenly occurred to me that Motherinc is awkwardly similar to Nanzinc, which is like showing up to a party thrown by Angelina Jolie wearing the exact same dress as her. Awkward.

And unlike Nanzinc, whose name was inspired by Cindy Inc and is supposed to connote wonderful things like personal branding, female entrepreneurship and a strong positive mindset, Motherinc was solely derived because Monsters Inc was my favorite Pixar animation of all time. Stop judging me.

So as it turned out, I had to reach fashionably late because I have 2 kids to settle and I walked in to find 12 women all seated at a long table chatting over nachos. Which was right about the time I started to panic because you can’t blend in when there are only 12 and all of them turns to look at you. Then I got closer and I realised that these were some of the most successful women in the entire country. Women who win awards and give important speeches and sip bubbly at chichi events. Like Nanz Chong, Theresa Tan and Elim Chew. Sweet.

hang on a minute while I try to blend in

I made my grand entrance and as I looked around the table at all these over-achieving women, all I could think of was “I’m pretty sure they invited the wrong person. I’m going to have to pretend to be whoever it is. Play it cool. Breathe, come on.

Turns out, they actually meant to invite me but I’m guessing the only reason why that is so is because I represent the bourgeoisie. Except that I have no job and no actual skills to contribute at the meeting so I’m still a little fuzzy on what I was supposed to do there besides actually having lunch.

It is exactly at critical moments like these that I suddenly freak out because I couldn’t be sure if part of my bra was peeking out because it would be monumentally embarrassing if I sat through the entire lunch flashing my bra at these ladies. I thought of fiddling with it or checking discreetly but it would then draw unnecessary attention to it, which would be counterproductive.

So there I was, trying to furrow my brow and look intelligent and as they talked about important stuff like helping women to do better and giving back to society. I think I did my part by eating the killer mac and cheese. But I wasn’t sure if that was enough so I went back home to burn a bra for good measure.

Still, happy International Women’s Day, ladies. Flash a bra or something. It’s your right.

growing up, how i pretend to be a cool mum

I need you too

When I was young they told me that no man is an island

I laughed at the metaphor, mostly because I was sure I’d make a fantastic island

I don’t need anybody“, I said

Needing people makes you weak

Especially if they don’t need you back the same

Or when they leave and never come back

I made my heart smaller so there would only be room for me

Then one day he managed to squeeze his way in

I need you too, and I’m not going anywhere“, he said

Grabbing a stool, he made himself comfortable

Although it is a little cramped in here“, he murmured

Slowly he taught me how to make my heart bigger and bigger and bigger

Some days it gets crowded and I learn how to make a little more room

Now I realize that needing people can make you look weak

But it what it really does is make you strong

Truth is, I don’t even care about that anymore

Because it makes me happy, which is way better than before