from around here

Finn and Theo have a very interesting relationship. They mostly get along well until they don’t, which pretty much happens several times a day.

It mostly plays out like this…

Finn will be doing his own thing having a good time and along comes baby Theo who will observe him for a moment and be all like “That looks like fun, I’ll have that one favourite toy you’re holding, thank you very much” and Finn will be all “OH HELL NO.”

Theo will be yelling “SHAAAAAARE!!!” and Finn will yell “Baby Theo is snatching my toy, HELPPP!!”

I think the problem is that they’re both used to having Truett and Kirsten baby them since they were born. The big kids give in to them almost all the time and Finn is not accustomed to having another baby share in his babyness. Also, Theo is quite an alpha male type go getter, which is to say that he sees what he wants and goes to get it, steamrolling everything in his path.

My mediation techniques so far have been to let them work it out on their own unless there’s shoving involved and someone gets hurt. Sometimes Finn will realise it’s not worth it, so he’ll give up and go play with something else instead, but I don’t make him do it. Other times, he’ll round up his toys and make a quick getaway to some place quiet where he can play in peace, leaving his screaming baby behind.

To foster a brotherly bond, I’ve taken to putting them both to bed together so they can spend more time hanging out before they fall asleep. On the one hand, complete mayhem every nap/bedtime, but I think it’s been working because they’ve been getting along much better.

I discovered them sharing a yoghurt calmly the other day and this is unprecedented because when there’s food involved, Theo goes into full on rage mode if it’s not all making its way swiftly into his mouth.

Maybe they’re starting to realise that brothers are pretty rad to have.

We celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary last week. 9 years! That’s one way to make a girl feel old.

Although I intend to grow very old with this man so 9 years seems like a tiny blip but truth is, it feels like we’ve been doing this forever and I almost can’t remember what life was like before we got married. It must have been awful. Being married is like finding the one person you like most in the entire world and getting to spend every day with them.

We had something fancy planned last Friday but Finn and Theo were both battling a week-long viral fever that went up to 40.7°, so we had to improvise. That’s ok. We’ll usually accumulate our missed celebrations for the year and celebrate the heck out of all of it when we travel anyway. Instead, we had breakfast at our favourite ban mian stall at the market, and then we managed to sneak in a tea break rendezvous in the afternoon, and then I went to bed at 9.30. We’re such party animals.

I love me some special dates and fancy plans but I think it’s a sign of age because I’m starting to really like the boring breakfasts and short pockets of time we get to have here and there. Perhaps even more so.

The past 9 years turned out to be nothing like what I imagined but somehow, it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of.

Happy anniversary, baby.

***

In other news, Finn is away with my mom to Melbourne for 2 weeks and I miss him SO MUCH. I don’t know what I was thinking letting him leave me for 14 whole days. I may have cried myself to sleep last night while holding his blankie.

Right before he left, he was all “I think I don’t want to go to Melbourne, I want to stay with you, mom…” and I was like “DON’T WORRY, MOMMY WILL CANCEL THE TICKETS!!” But he hugged me and put on a brave face as he said bye and left for the flight. :(

I think parenting makes you do irrational things. It’s only been a day and I’m in withdrawal so bad I’m about to book a ticket to Melbourne just to retrieve him.

I’m never letting him leave me for 14 days again, that’s for sure.

There was a time where I thought it was insane to bring 3 kids out alone, but those days are over because last week, I took all 4 of them out on the bus. Alone.

Truett had to stay back for swimming lessons in school and the other 3 wanted to tag along to pick him up so I thought, yeah why not, right? How hard could this be? Turns out, actually not that bad. This buddy system is the best thing ever invented. Kirsten watched the two little boys on the way there, and Tru took over as Theo’s buddy on the way back. Easy peasy.

I suppose this is what they call skills upgrading. Next upgrade: 5 babies.

//

I generally like bedtime, but bedtime with this baby is out of control.

I thought I’d seen the cheekiest baby (Kirsten!) but this Theo is a new level of ridiculous. He has no downtime and he doesn’t even make the slightest effort to try to fall asleep. He’ll sing and talk and be like all play for 2 hours on the bed and just as I’m about to give up, he will flop his head onto the pillow, pretend to close his eyes in the most cherubic way possible and say “VERY TIRED!!”

The first time he did this, I totally fell for it like “woah, did he finally fall asleep??” but then it was just his way of toying with my feelings because 5 seconds later, he jumped up and laughed like it was a huge joke and he got me.

Incorrigible.

Finally, he’ll insist on lying directly on top of my chest in order to fall asleep, which would have been great at any other time, but with baby Hayley getting to be the size of a papaya, having another baby lie on top of me is like being suffocated with cuteness. For better or worse, I can’t ever resist feeling the weight of a chubby baby on my chest.

//

I don’t know how this happened but Finn is a dreamboat through and through.

He’s got this way of making people feel special without even trying. This is the kid who would stop right in the middle of a playground session and run over to whisper in my ear “I need to tell you a secret…I love you, mom!”

Sometimes when we’re out with friends, he’ll go up to the aunties to give them a hug or quietly hold their hand without being asked to do so. And I can see it in their eyes – instant heart melt.

So on most afternoons, the kids have a regular playground date with a group of other kids near our apartment and yesterday, I spotted Finn running back with an armful of dried sticks/leaves that he had picked from the ground. I tried to make him throw them away but he was adamant that these were flowers and he needed to give them to all the girls. I was like “first of all, those aren’t flowers. They’re dried sticks and girls generally don’t what them. Also, why do you need to give them to all the girls??”

But he needed to, and who am I to say no to chivalry? Although I was pretty certain the girls wouldn’t want them.

I was wrong though, because the next thing I knew, he was distributing them to a bunch of girls and guess what? They all took the dried sticks like it was roses on Valentine’s day.

Looks like I’m not the only one who finds it impossible to say no to this face.

If I had to describe it, parenting 4 kids is like moving from crisis to crisis all day with very brief commercial breaks of warm and fuzzy mom moments.

Like at any given point, someone will have a problem that needs fixing. Or a situation that requires immediate attention NOW MOM!! Or someone else is in my face about needing a snack/cookie/goldfish refill. Or the baby is facing imminent mortal danger.

That’s on a good day.

On the not so good days, someone is pooping on the floor while two other someones are engaged in a yelling match about whose turn it is to hold random object while one more someone is trying to lo hei their noodles like it’s鱼生. Nobody wants to learn their 听写 and then five minutes later, someone is calling someone else a grouchie pouchie, upon which that someone else loses it and starts crying about how “names are mean and it’s not fair”. And I have to yell at everyone because hey, if you can’t beat them, join them right?

On these sort of days, it’s like I’m on netflix, where there ain’t no commercial breaks of fuzziness.

I don’t even want to think about how it’ll be like when baby Hayley comes along because I like to avoid my problems until I have no choice and absolutely have to deal with them.

This one particularly tough day, I declared it a playground day and sent them all out to let off some steam and Kirsten was all “mom, mommmmm, come quick, you need to take a photo of us.” So I ran back into the house to grab my iphone and I come out to see this.

In this one moment, it feels like the entire day has been the commercial break and this is the real deal. This fleeting moment that tells me I’m doing an excellent job at raising these kids.

I’ve been nailing this parenting gig all day – one more day of crises averted and everyone is (relatively) happy. And I can do this again tomorrow.

We just spent 8 days in the hospital with a 2-hit combo of lung infections (Kirsten + Theo) and I feel like I’ve finally stepped out of a super weird time warp. That’s the longest we’ve spent holed up in a hospital room with sick babies. After day 3, my time space continuum got all kinds of messed up.

Every morning, I’d be all hopeful and ask the paediatrician if this was the day my babies could finally go home and she’d try to let me down gently, like “the oxygen levels are still not looking good, I think we’ll have to keep them here a little longer.”

Pause…Rewind…Reset…Play…

And thus my time warp would start all over again.

***

It started with Kirsten getting really ill on the first day of Chinese New Year and day 4 into her stay at KK hospital, baby Theo decided to join in the sick baby party.

Clearly misery loves company, especially if your company comes with cheeks this juicy.

On the bright side, I got to spend some alone time with my sick babies, who happen to be extra cuddly when they’re not feeling so good.

Theo would just want to rest his chubby baby head on my chest while I sang Old Macdonald several hundred times all day. It’s not so bad when you have every species of animal to get through for some variety. When I’d get to “on this farm he had a…”, Theo would yell out random animals like, “HIPPO! GIRAFFE! LIZARD! ANT!! DINOSAUR!!!” and we would make the corresponding animal sound.

Think of it as less of a farm and more of an ark and this dude is basically Noah, which makes it a bible lesson and a science lesson and a music lesson all in one.

***

We got to spend Valentine’s day at the hospital this year. The experts say it’s important to do something new and different to spice things up, so I guess we nailed that.

After 8 years of marriage, we’ll take what we’ve got.

Kirsten was all “daddy should get you flowers!” and I thought of explaining to her that flowers don’t really do it for me because they’re so exhausting. I have to pretend to like them and then put them in water for a few days until they die and smell really bad and then I’d have to clean all that up.

But then I said, “you know what’s better than flowers?” Having a guy who makes you smile after a week in the hospital, who tags you to watch the sick babies, and tags you to watch the non-sick babies, who goes on late night runs to buy your favourite mango dessert and still finds the time to massage your feet at night.” And to really gross her out, we went in for a full on smooch and she was like “EWW EEEWWW EEEEWWWWWW MAKE IT STOP!!”

What I mean to say is that it was actually a very decent Valentine’s day. My favourite part of the day was having a cup of soya bean milk and a nice walk with the one person whose company I enjoy the most.

Good times, bad times, valentimes…any time I get to spend with this man is always a good time.

December! It’s here!

I’m a December kind of girl, no question about it. My tree is up, lights everywhere, the school holidays are in full swing (I’m really enjoying these leisurely breakfast conversations with my grown up little man Truett) and I’ve got christmas carols on all day. I could do with a whole year filled with Decembers, I really could.

To kick off the start of a very crazy December, we had a date with Elton John last week.

So you know the husband is full on rock & roll and in the spirit of acquiring shared interests, I was down for gigs to Imagine Dragons, Muse and U2, all in the past few months. Okay, U2 was amazing and Imagine Dragons was surprisingly fun, even though I only knew like 3 songs before the concert. But halfway through the Muse gig (3 hours of floor standing tickets some more), it occurred to me that I was wildly out of place. All these beautiful young people with their cool moves rocking out to Resistance and all I wanted to do was to…sit down right there on the beer-stained floor. And I wasn’t even pregnant then, so it’s not like I can blame the exhaustion on the baby.

Last week, for a change of pace, the husband thought it would be nice to bring his 87-year-old wife (at least on the inside) to something more her scene – Elton John.

I’m accustomed to thinking that I’m too young to be the Elton John type, but as I looked around, I realised that right now, I’m exactly the right sort to be seen at an Elton John concert. Middle aged moms (and also elderly people) doing the dorky mom dance to the crocodile rock.

It was so much fun and I’m embracing it.

The rest of the month is pretty intense. Year end school concerts, Kirsten is graduating from preschool and in a couple of days, we’ll be heading up to California with the 3 big kids till after christmas. It’s an ambitious endeavour, what with being pregnant and all, but if there’s ever a time to activate my commando travel training, this is it.

I am going to miss this face and his ridiculous bedhead.

Have a good December, you guys!

So it seems like the haze is still hanging around, like a pesky fly that doesn’t know how to take a hint and go away. On the topic of flies, those tiny little flies are the worst! Our new place is on the ground floor and while I love how much natural light and fresh air (haha!) we get, there are these little flies that are always around and it’s driving me nuts. Most fruit flies are just minding their own business looking for food, but these small flies, they love to fly in really close to our faces. It’s ridiculously annoying. It’ll land on baby Theo’s eyebrow and he’ll get all twitchy (okay super cute), and I can’t smack it because then I’d be smacking him straight on the eye. Although I’ve smacked myself in the face several times and the fly is all like “hahahahahahah look at that moron hahahahaha.”

One time, it was on my ear and I smacked the side of my head so hard I could hear ringing for the rest of the day but I killed it and…look who’s laughing now, you pesky dead fly.

But you know what’s worse than flies? The Haze. In upper case, like The Plague, or The Black Death. We get the haze for a few days in a year, it’s annoying but we can deal, amirite? But it’s been weeks and the forecast is that it’ll be around till Nov??!! This is killing me. 20 years later, people are going to refer to The Haze of 2015, a terrible time in Singapore’s history.

Consequently, all the kids have been ill and with 4 kids taking turns to cough into my face, it didn’t take long for me to get it too.

Falling ill with kids around, it’s really a dilemma – do you a) go for the weak, non-drowsy meds that keep you lucid but they take a long time to work, and you have a bigger window to spread the virus back to everyone else? Or b) get the meds that are strong enough to knock out a horse, but they clear you up real quick?

I typically go for the non-drowsy ones, because who has the time to be out cold for 2 days?? Not me. But I’m so done with being ill, and one has to live dangerously once in a while, so at the doctor’s yesterday morning, I asked him to give me the strongest meds he’s got.

“You sure?” he asked again. “You need to take these meds and go to bed, they’re going to knock you out.”

“Yes, sir!”

But what I was really thinking was “How bad can it be? I’ll just take it slow and power through it. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

It was not fine.

Here’s what happened…

12.40pm: Took 2 white pills, two orange pills, one big yellow pill and a blue pill.

12.55pm: I feel nothing. I must be pretty strong, if I might say so myself.

1.20pm: Fixing a snack for the kids. Still nothing. These meds got nothin’ on me.

1.30pm: I’m beginning to doubt that the doctor really gave me the strong meds. I’m not even the slightest bit drowsy.

1.55pm: I just feel miserable. Throat is hurty, I’m hacking my lungs out, stupid meds aren’t working.

2pm: Okay, there we go. I’m feeling floaty. I just need to lie down for a bit. I can power through this, easy peasy.

2.02pm: OHMYGOD I JUST GOT RUN OVER BY A TRUCK I CAN’T FEEL MY FACE. OR LIMBS. I think I’m just gonna squat here like this in the foetal position. Somebody is asking me for an orange and somebody else just pooped his pants.

Cleared the poopy pants, I think some of the poop got into my eye in due to an unfortunate backsplashing that happened the exact moment I tried to peer at his bottom. My reflexes are nonsense right now. Remember to rinse out my eye later.

Orange request sorted, I think?

The big kids have been instructed to tag me on baby duty. I shall lie down here on the couch and close my eyes for a bit. Just 10 minutes, that’s all I need. I’ll still be able to keep an eye on them here in the living room.

2.40pm: Someone is prying my left eye open. Judging by the size and pudginess of hand, I think it’s Finn. “MOMMY CAN I HAVE CHOCOLATE MILK?? CHO-CO-LATE MILK”, he enunciated, as if I was in the early stages of deafness.

With my forcibly-opened left eye, I could see Finn holding a packet of chocolate milk. He had taken the liberty of grabbing it out from the fridge.

I made a mental calculation of the effort it would require to haul my inebriated self off the couch and into the kitchen versus the effort it would require to clean up the mess of spilt chocolate milk and it was a no brainer.

“Hang on, mommy will help you,” I mumbled, stumbling my way into the kitchen.

There’s still poop in my eye, I can smell it. Oh wait, someone else just pooped. Must be that.

2. 45pm: I just got back onto the couch and Finn is asking if I could do a puzzle with him. I’m going to lie down here on the floor next to him and phone it in.

“Mommy, wake up!! You need to sit up and play with me, no more sleeping!!”

“Yeah, mommy’s awake, sweetie. Look, I’m opening my eye.”

“Sigh, never mind. I’ll just play by myself,” Finn said quietly.

I’m too stoned to feel any mommy guilt. “You can do it, baby. I’ll just lie here next to you ok.”

2. 50pm: Seems to be working. Shall not get off the floor, it’s nice and comfy here.

3.20pm: Oh dear how long was I out for? There’s a jackhammer in my head. WHERE ARE THE KIDS??

Tru and Kirsten are making snow for the babies by cutting up sheets of paper into little pieces and flinging them in the air. I cannot even look at this right now.

Back to the couch.

“It’s ok mommy is sick, she won’t scold us. We just have to clean it up later, I think she won’t even remember.” I hear Truett saying.

“Ya, at least we’re having fun and not disturbing her.” It was Kirsten.

4pm: I think the meds are wearing off. I can walk around if I hold on to this wall for support. Whoops, nope. Get back to the couch!

I was basically trippy for the rest of the day and by the time the meds wore off, it was time for the next dose. Good thing the husband came back in time to take over so I went and had an early night.

On the bright side, I feel much better today so maybe it was worth it?