Finn

Finn is 7!! I just need to say that being this kid’s mom is the best gig a girl could ever ask for. I could do this for the rest of my life and have all that I need to be happy.

I’m here writing this post wondering if I should maybe dial back on my effusive raving mom mode a little and yes I should, so I’ll just say that this boy is so sweet and considerate and kind and gentle and super rad it is unreal. He needs to come with a warning label attached because he does dangerous things to your heart.

I’m mostly like “I’ve done this mom thing for a while, I’m used to I-love-yous from the kids,” and then Finn comes up to me all casual with a “hey mom, I really like you, can I give you a hug?” and suddenly my heart isn’t good for much else because it’s completely ruined. I think it’s in the way he does it – with so much feels like he’s taking the time to let you know how special you are. A proper Finn hug turns your insides into a big gloopy mess.

//

Finn was the happiest baby who was all smiles all the time. We need to take a moment to talk about that smile. Most smiles do what they’re supposed to do, which is to convey some level of joy but Finn, he has the kind of smile that lights up your entire world. This smile gives you perspective because life can be rough but if I have this smile in my life, I think I’m going to be ok.

When Finn loves you, you’ll know it; but not because it comes with fanfare or dramatic declarations of affection. He’ll sometimes hold your hand a little tighter when you’re walking together. Other times, he’ll offer to share his cookies when he sees that you’ve finished yours. Or he’ll quietly pick up your socks from the floor without being asked to. Or his most devastating move – when he gazes into your eyes with all the love his little heart can contain. The husband will tell you that I’m not much of a soulful loving gaze sort of girl because too much eye contact makes me awkward but I’ll have me some of this heart eye emoji gazing any day.

This is exactly how big Finn’s heart is. Whenever he sees the other kids upset or disappointed, he’ll do whatever it takes to cheer them up, even if it means giving up on the things that he wants.

Like if the big kids are discussing who should read the new dog man book first and they can’t agree, Finn will volunteer to go last after everyone else has a turn. When Theo wants to play a different game, he will be all “okay Yoshi, we’ll play your game instead.”

On weekends, they all get their 1 hour of video game time. Tru and Theo, who are both big on living life in the moment, usually burn through their time before the morning is even over. Finn will save his precious 1 hour so he can savour it slowly later in the day. So when he finally decides to use his time and he sees that his brothers are all done with their 60 minutes, he will offer to donate them 15 minutes each so that they can all game together. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.

In return, all his other siblings adore him. They’re like extra protective of him, even Hayley who will suddenly yell “WHERE IS KOR KOR FINN? DON’T LET HIM GET LOST!!” when we’re out.

Nothing makes him happier than when he’s playing board games with the whole family. I’ve never seen a kid so into board games. He spends hours reading game cards, planning strategies and memorising special moves + elaborate rules. He knows that the Truly Obnoxious curse is ineffective against the Doppelgänger card in Munchkin, and that 5 dumplings will get you 15 points in Sushi Go.

Whenever we’re unsure of the rules in any game, we’ll just have to ask Finn and he will often be able to quote the obscure rule verbatim.

//

I’ll be the first to tell you that parenting is hard and it will drive you to the brink of insanity and it will take everything you have; but you also get to be loved so unconditionally that it makes your heart fuller than you ever thought possible.

Happy birthday, Finn!! With all the x’s and o’s in the world.

Birthday season this year has been very good to us indeed and I’m sad to see it go. When you have 5 babies, one birthday means everyone gets to celebrate so it’s been a lot of celebrating the past 2 months. I’m all for it though, because I’ve always been of the opinion that any kind of celebration is better than no celebration at all.

On that note, Finn is 6 years old and as dreamy as ever.

6 years with this kid and he still has my heart skipping a beat. He makes me smile when the days get rough and he makes being his mom such a treat. Finn is like the secret sauce in this family – he’s unassuming and a little quiet but he’s the one that brings everyone together.

This boy is a classic gamer kid. He loves all kinds of games – PS4, Nintendo Switch, card games, board games and he will get us all together for a game of Monopoly Gamer (his favourite version of Monopoly) or Exploding Kittens or Cluedo. When we have a free evening, the big kids will be like “let’s do movie night” but Finn will always choose game night and I think he’s on to something because game night always ends up being one of the best nights.

Finn’s favourite person in the whole world is Truett, no question about it. It’s not even close. I gave birth to this kid and I’m only a distant second. He loves everything his big brother loves (book bugs are the flavour of the month) and makes it his mission to know everything about it. He would spend hours memorising all the special powers of every book bugs guardian and how to counter their attacks and then discuss it with Tru for many more hours.

He watches the clock for the time Tru comes home from school because that’s his favourite time of the day. “KOR KOR, YOU’RE HOME!!” he’ll run for a hug and Tru will pat him on the head affectionately.

And I’m glad they’re so fond of each other. I’ve seen big kids at the playground who get really annoyed by their younger siblings and be all like “Go away you’re so annoying! Stop following me and doing everything I do” and I want to smack them on the head because it’s a privilege to have your younger siblings adore you like this. Every time Finn looks at Truett, the adoration is all over his face, like “this is the coolest human being I’ve ever met and one day when I grow up, I’m going to be just like him.”

With the younger kids, Finn takes his big brother duties very seriously. Theo is still struggling with his phonics so Finn reads to him and makes him repeat all the words, it’s the cutest thing ever. “Say ex-ca-va-tor…okay say ce-ment-mix-er…” and Theo follows along.

He’s also the only one whom Hayley refers to as buddy. When she wakes up in the morning and sees Finn, she yells “BUDDY!!!” and runs to hug him and in turn, he baby talks her even though she’s been out of the baby talk phase a whole year ago.

He’ll say “hey baby, want buddy hug hug? Kor kor carry carry ok?” and I’m like “she’s way past the repeating words phase” but she enjoys being babied so that’s their thing.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Finn came along with baby Hayley for her cast replacement at KKH and he was so worried the whole time, trying to distract her and cheer her up. Baby Hayley was like “I feel better already” ❤️

A post shared by Daphne (@daphneling) on Aug 29, 2018 at 5:36am PDT

Few weeks ago, we were riding in a packed elevator and Finn noticed that this toddler was jabbing her finger in the elevator door while her parents weren’t looking. He tried to gently guide her finger away from the door but she kept jabbing it back and finally when the door opened, her finger got pinched by the door a little but it would have been worse if she had jabbed the whole finger in. The little girl started screaming and Finn was like “I tried to help her but she kept putting it back and I didn’t want to grab her hand because I don’t know her” and that’s just so Finn. He’d be the one keeping a lookout for his younger siblings to make sure they’re not in danger of losing any limbs and telling them gently to stop it but he not the sort to be all up in your business if he can help it. I think Theo would have swiped away the finger with a flying tackle and pinned her down to stop her if he saw it.

//

I can’t imagine a day of not having this kid in my life and I’m so happy that he’s part of this little family.

Birthday season 2017 comes to an end with this little guy turning five!

Hey Finn,

Woahh I can’t believe you’re five! You need to stop this superspeed growing right this moment. Slow it wayyyyy down okay? 

Spending the last 5 years being your mom has been such a dream and I am grateful for it. You are the sweetest, gentlest, happiest, sunshiniest, awesomest, most helpful and polite little boy. 

You’re the kid who will come help me make coffee in the morning, and fix lunches for everyone and prepare snacks for your siblings. Egg mayo is your specialty and I have to say, it is quite delicious. You make it so hard to say no to you because I have to look at this face and also, you ask for things in the most polite manner. 

“Please, mom, may I have a sandwich?” 

There is no universe in which this mommy is ever able to say no to that. 

The other day, Theo burst into the kitchen yelling “MOMMMM I WANT GUMMIES!!!” and you patted him on the head and said “you can’t just yell I want gummies, you need to ask nicely like mommy may I have some gummies please?” Theo looked at you like “whatttt??? How many words is that ain’t nobody got time for that!!” then proceeded to yell “MOMMMM GUMMIES…PLEEEASE!!!” ?

Daddy was just telling me about the time you went out with him to buy lunch from the food center. After picking up stuff from several stalls, everyone else was like “ooooh nice food om nom nom” but you turned to him and said “thanks for buying all the food dad!”

You have a way of making everyone around you feel super special, don’t ever change. 

I know this year hasn’t been the easiest for you. From the moment you were born till about 4 years old, you were like a little rainbow of joy. I’m still not quite sure how all of that happy managed to fit in your little body; I suppose it didn’t all fit so some of it had to spill out to the rest of us. And how about those terrible twos? Not even a little bit. Throughout your twos and threes and fours, you had none of the tantrums and meltdowns. If anything, your twos were quite delightful. 

But then 4-5 was the year that you started to feel all of the other feelings like sadness and disappointment and frustration and rage and it’s been hard for you to deal with them. You would struggle to process these negative emotions and I can see your system shutting down like it’s too much to handle. 

On your birthday, you didn’t want presents or surprises so we decided to spend the day together, all of us. You wanted 5 blue balloons, some time at the playground and a little craft activity. It was a fab day right up to just before bedtime when you had to pause the game with your siblings and go take a shower. You were sad about missing out on the fun and after a tearful shower, you said “I wish it wasn’t my birthday because it’s the worst day ever.” The sadness was so overwhelming it overshadowed everything else. 

Hey, I’m 35 and it’s still hard for me to deal with negative emotions too so I get it. I used to wish that I could go through life without negative emotions; just an endless high of joy and euphoria seemed like the ideal way to spend one’s life. I know that world doesn’t exist but sometimes I wish I could put you in a little bubble of joy and keep you safe from bad feelings. 

I can’t make all the bad feelings go away but I promise that we will always be here to hug you or talk it out until it gets better. 

You were a perfect baby and now, you’re the most perfect little boy. I love you and I like you. A lot!!!

I managed to sneak in some alone time with Finn this week while Theo and Hayley were down for a long nap (a miracle!!). Special dates with Finn don’t come around as much as I’d like, and it’s such a treat to have him to myself, even if it’s just for a while.

If there’s one kid who’s had to deal with being the middle child, it’s probably Finn. He’s not quite in the big kid club with Truett and Kirsten just yet, but too big to be in team baby with Theo and Hayley. These days, with the high maintenance babies always getting dibs on mommy time, plus the big kids needing help with exams and school stuff, Finn has to make do with what’s leftover, which isn’t much. In the midst of all the day to day firefighting, I don’t always remember that Finn is just here quietly growing up.

He’s super sweet about it though, just waiting for his turn and being so thrilled when it’s date day, like “are we really going for a special treat today?? Just me?? WOW THANKS!!” 

I had picked him up from school and we were discussing our snack options at White Sands shopping mall because all proper dates have to have snacks. On the list was ice cream, chocolate white chocolate chip cookies and soft chocolate buns.

Finn: Mom! Mom!! Can I also have a waffle please??? I like waffles!

Me: Sure! Which flavour would you like? There’s plain, kaya, peanut, cheese, blueberry…

Finn: *peering at the board with the flavours and prices listed* Ummmmm, how about plain?

Me: You sure? With nothing inside? Don’t you like cheese?

Finn: I don’t want you to spend so much money. Just a plain one will do. It’s only $1.40.

Me: It’s ok Finn, you can pick any flavour you like, don’t worry about it.

Finn: No need, I also like it plain.

Me: Sure, one plain coming right up.

Finn: Thanks mom, you’re the best!

***

As we were about to head back…

Finn: Mom, is your life perfect?

Me: Whaaat? Why do you ask that?

Finn: Is it?

Me: Yeah, I think it is. My life is kind of perfect.

Finn: I know. Because I’m your baby so that’s why your life is perfect.

Me: You know what? You’re right.

Finn: Because you’re my mom so my life is perfect too.

***

I really miss alone time with Finn. I need to do this more.

Look who’s turning 4 in two days! Uh huh, this guy.

There was a time when he was all goofy and gummy like this.

And the hair!! Remember the hair? This baby had the most gorgeous windswept hair. Maybe one of these days the hair will make a comeback.

Be still, my heart.

I was showing Finn his baby pictures with the long hair and he was horrified that I made him have long hair as a baby.

“That’s not me because it’s a girl,” he insisted.

I really miss Finn as a baby but I gotta say, Finn as a little big boy is another level kind of dreamy.

4-year-old Finn is like golden light sunshine and rainbows sprinkles and fluffy cotton candy. He is all sweet and warm and gentle and so full of happy it’s almost ridiculous. It doesn’t take much to make him smile and this is the one kid who will laugh at all my jokes, even the lame ones.

He’s not the flashy sort that needs to be front and centre in a crowd because he’s mostly content to just hang out in the background while someone else takes the spotlight. But there’s something about him that makes you want to be around him.

It’s probably that disarming smile (that aunties find irresistible!), and that soft-spoken manner, and the way his eyes sparkle when he’s happy, which is often.

It sounds unreal but this boy doesn’t have meltdowns or tantrums and he rarely insists on getting his way. He’s just an easy, obliging kid who’s as low maintenance as they come. He did punch me in the eye that one time but it was mostly out of love, like a love punch. Usually if he wants something, he’ll ask for it politely and if we say no, he’ll try his best to be ok with it and be like “how about next time, mom?” Which is genius because it immediately makes me go like, “you know what, you can have it now. Mommy will give you anything you want.”

With so many kids around, I’ll occasionally have all 4 big kids talking at me all at once. Baby Theo is the loudest and he usually gets heard first due to the sheer force of his personality. Then Truett and Kirsten will take turns getting a word in while Finn waits patiently for his turn to speak.

“Mom I want to tell you…” he gets cut off by one of his siblings.

“Mom, do you know…” he starts to speak but gets drowned out again.

10 minutes in, my subconscious brain realises that everyone has had a chance talking except Finn, who is still getting his sentences hijacked by his siblings.

“Did you want to tell mommy something, Finn?” I ask.

“Is it my turn to talk now, mom?”

“Yes! Sorry baby. Ok everybody stop talking and listen to Finn.”

Then he’ll smile, pleased that it’s finally his turn.

Maybe it’s a middle child syndrome but I feel like Finn is the one I have to keep an eye out for to make sure he doesn’t feel neglected. He gets ordered around by his two older siblings and even gets bulldozed by baby Theo, who’s like a hurricane next to him. I was watching them play during nap time a few days ago and Theo was yelling instructions at him like “TICKLE MY TUMMY, KOR KOR FINN!! TICKLE MY EARS! NO, THIS SIDE!!! AND THIS EAR! AND MY EYEBROWS!” And Finn was just his usual obliging self, offering tickling services like he was told.

Between you and me, this kid is a keeper. I don’t know how I landed this gig of being his mom but I know I lucked out big here, no question about it.

Happy birthday, Finn! It’s been a dream being your mom and I’ll try my best to do a good job. :)

Finn came along for my pregnancy check up last week – this little guy has been super excited to say hi to baby Hayley and I’m just happy to have some catch up time with him.

These single kid outings are my favourites, mostly because they’re so easy. I don’t have to be on my high alert sheep-herding mode every moment, chasing down runaway kids or mediating squabbles or fielding more requests than my brain can process. With one child at a time, it’s relaxing. I feel like I’m out with a good friend and I’m able to really enjoy their company, just talking and having fun.

I was supposed to do a blood test during this check up and Finn is not a fan of needles or blood or any kind of pain in general. I can’t say I’m fond of it myself, but I told him that I’d feel better if he held my hand. So he did, with all the seriousness of someone performing a Very Important Task. He peered at the needle with his face all frowny while squeezing my hand so tightly it was starting to hurt more than the needle prick.

I didn’t mind though – this sort of pain, I’m ok with.

He didn’t let go of my hand the whole time we were walking to the waiting area, and he kept asking if it still hurt. It actually didn’t, but I was rather enjoying the attention so I showed him my finger and said, “yeah, still hurts.”

Clearly, he took this to mean that things were getting out of control, so he made me stop right there in the crowded clinic and said very loudly, “DEAR GOD, THANK YOU FOR MOMMY. YOU NEED TO MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY NOW SO MOMMY’S FINGER WON’T BE IN A LOT OF PAIN ANYMORE…”

It was the sweetest thing ever, but also kind of too loud because it was also clear to the other 45 people waiting there that I was milking it over a tiny finger prick. If I was in labor, fair game, y’know. But blood test, not so good for my street cred.

“It’s a miracle, I’m fine now, thanks baby!!” I whispered.

“Ok! I’ll always come with you to the doctor so I can pray for you, mom.”

:)

Finn’s been having a hard time adjusting back to preschool after 3 weeks away (2 weeks in Melbourne and 1 week on sick leave).

He’s usually such a happy waker upper but now, every morning, the first thing he asks when he opens his eyes  is “Do I have school today?” And when the answer is “Yes, baby“, his little eyes will slowly fill up with tears, then he’ll flop his head onto the pillow all melodrama like and sob these great big sad sobs. He’ll tear up again while putting on his uniform, or eating breakfast, and when it’s finally time to go, he’ll put on his shoes reluctantly, trying to hold back the tears. It’s just the saddest thing.

While driving him to school a few days ago, he started crying really bad so I pulled over and just held him on my lap for several minutes. Finally, he stopped and asked, “Is it I cannot cry because I’m a big boy? I think I don’t want to be a big boy. I want to be a small boy because I’m sad.”

I usually don’t tell the kids not to cry because it’s ok to cry. It’s a healthy expression of sadness. I cry all the time when I’m sad and sometimes, crying is good. I always feel much better after a good cry. Exhausted, but better.

So I told him that big boys cried too, and that I’d be here for him until he feels better.

“I don’t feel better, mom,” he said.

“Is there anything mommy can do to cheer you up? Would you like to watch something on the phone?”

“No thanks.” This is serious. He must be really sad to refuse the iphone.

“Maybe we just need more time. I think you’ll feel better after a few more days and you’ll get used to being back at school again. How about I just hug you for a bit before we go to school?”

“Ok,” he nodded, looking at me with his puffy eyes.

“Sometimes I don’t need you but sometimes I need you,” he added quietly, after a while.

That got me. I’m still coming to terms with having 2 big kids who mostly don’t need me anymore and I’m in mild denial about this, but it does feel like they’re slipping out of my hands. They’ve got friends and school and activities that they don’t need me for so I’m figuring out how to just watch the from the sidelines. That’s the hardest part about being a mom – letting them go. Right now, I’m not quite ready to let go of any of my babies just yet.

“Can I tell you a secret? I’m happy when you need me, y’know? Because I need you too, Finn.”