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Daphne

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School holidays with 5 kids? NBD, got it covered.

We’re almost at the end of the school holidays, which is to say that we made it through this insane week. I will just take a moment to congratulate myself for a bit before I continue.

Here’s pretty much how my week went.

Early Monday morning, I woke up to cuddles from all my babies and thought to myself, “school holidays with 5 kids? I got this! I’ll just spend the whole week with these angels soaking up the love, how hard can it be?

The snuggles lasted for about 3 seconds and clock wipe 10 minutes later, I’m standing in the living room with messy hair and an exhausted, crazed look in my eye because I haven’t even had time for coffee and somebody’s already spilt chocolate milk everywhere, someone else is yelling for more “BIG, BIG BREAD”, and everyone is talking at me demanding to know what special activities we are having today.

What special activities?? How about the special activity is you guys get to do assessment books quietly for the next 3 hours?

This week has been challenging – it’s already Friday and I feel like I haven’t had time to stop and catch my breath. But it’s also been kind of fun.

We went to the Punggol Safra water playground, tried out a new meatball recipe (it’s like playdoh except edible!), hung out at the library, did a few grocery runs (because you forget things when you’re trying to stop your 5 children from destroying the supermarket), tried some experiments from Truett’s new library books (YEAH SCIENCE!), went pokemon hunting at the park, stopped by for cake (I’m sorry the lady next to us had to experience my family during her quiet afternoon tea break).

We could probably have done more. Educational museum trips for the big kids, some fancy Montessori type activities for my 2 and 4-year olds to pour stuff into other stuff, maybe some elaborate craft sessions to develop their artistic flair instead of “here’s a piece of paper and some colour pencils”, quickly followed by “here, just take the iPad and watch veggie tales.”

During bedtime yesterday, the kids were feeling a little bummed that their school holidays were almost over.

I’m sorry we didn’t get to do all the things we planned to do, mommy will try to make the next school holidays more fun ok,” I told them.

If there’s one thing I want for the kids, it’s that they can look back on their childhood and remember that it was a fun one filled with good memories but a lot of the time, I’m not sure if I’m succeeding at it. There’s a lot of scrambling involved in our day to day. A lot of just doing what needs to be done from moment to moment, which leaves very little time for creating special memories.

Thanks for spending time with us mom, it was actually very fun,” Truett said.

Ya, we don’t need to do special things all the time. Even normal things can be fun,” Kirsten added.

What did I do to deserve these kids? And they’re probably right, even normal things can be special if we get to do it together. I think as long as they look back and remember their days to be filled with love and laughter, those are good enough memories.

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My favourite part of the day, you guys.

motherhood

So done.

The husband and I were having dinner at this hainanese curry rice stall (the famous one with the long queue at Upper Serangoon Road) last week when this elderly aunty saw me carrying the baby and came over to start a conversation.

You know how elderly aunties love babies and they love to give advice about babies and while I love showing off my babies to sweet little old ladies, some days, I’m just not really feeling talky because I just want to shove food into my face before the baby gets all sweaty and fussy and there goes my quiet, peaceful dinner.

The conversations usually go like this (in mandarin):

Aunty: So cute, how many months?

Me: 2 months. *smiley face*

Aunty: Is this your first kid? 

One must choose the answer to this question wisely because yes usually means “please give me unsolicited advice on how I shouldn’t prop the baby on my lap precariously like this because my thigh might spasm and drop her or worse, food might fall onto her face when I eat.” And no means “please ask me the next question, which is how many kids I already have.”

I smiled again and mumbled something incoherent like “不是” with a semi silent 不 so she might think I’ve got a speech impediment and stop talking to me out of pity.

But this aunty had razor sharp hearing, so she asked the next question anyway.

Aunty: Oh, how many kids do you have?

I’m ashamed to say that I considered lying and saying 3 because 2-3 kids is like the magic number for them to leave you alone. One kid and you need advice on how to parent, but 2-3 kids, you’re mostly safe. But then if you say something ridiculous like 5 kids, this leads to a whole other conversation about how people these days don’t have 5 kids anymore am I for real?

Lying is bad, so I took another spoonful of food and in between chews, mumbled “I have 5 kids” with another half smile.

Aunty: 5?? Can’t tell that you have 5!!

And then things suddenly got very interesting. “你有没有去绑?” (did you tie?), she asked. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly that I should be tying but I assumed it was like some postpartum jamu wrap thing so I said “没有,很麻烦” (no, too much of a hassle.)

五个应该去绑” (after 5, you should go tie), she went on. “我绑了四十多年,很好” (I’ve tied for over forty years)

At this point, I figured she was trying to solicit business for her jamu services so I politely said no thanks, I’m ok.

不会麻烦,你绑了很好,给你的丈夫外面睡几个月可以了” (it’s not a hassle, it’ll be good after you tie, just let you husband sleep outside for a few months), she added.

This conversation was getting super weird, and then it dawned upon me that she was telling me to get my tubes tied, which is exactly the kind of conversation I did not plan to have with a random aunty while grabbing a quick dinner. I thought about telling her that yes, I have in fact gotten my tubes tied, thanks for the advice (even though the husband will not be pleased about the sleeping outside for months), but then I was getting to the end of my very uncomfortable dinner so I smiled again and said thanks before making a quick getaway.

My point of this story is that when random elderly ladies start telling you to get a ligation, maybe it’s time to get it done.

And also, yes I’ve gotten it done. Which is to say that there ain’t gonna be no baby #6 happening here because this factory is closed for good.

***

Before I had the ligation done, I was searching for information on getting my tubes tied but not many people talk about it so I didn’t really have much to work with.

So if you’re considering a tubal ligation, here are some things you need to know.

1. It really hurts.

Be prepared for the pain – it’s not as bad as a c-section but way worse than a normal delivery. I asked my doctor a few times about the pain and he was all “don’t worry about it, it’s very minor, just a tiny incision.” LIES.

Right after the delivery, I was wheeled into the operating theatre to get the ligation done while the epidural was still at work. They got me all prepped and the someone was prodding my stomach area to test the pain medication and I was supposed to be completely numb but I could feel everything, which was terrifying. It was like one of those nightmares when you get cut up while still awake so I was all like “stop, stop, don’t cut anything, I can feel pain!!” and next thing I knew, it was 3 hours later and I woke up to a terrible pain in my stomach.

Apparently the epidural didn’t quite hold up so they put me under GA for the surgery. If I had known GA was required, I might have made the husband go with the vasectomy. For the next 5 days, I took every pain medication I was given because the pain was pretty intense.

2. It’s called KEYhole for a reason. 

I was under the impression that a keyhole surgery was kind of like a tiny hole but turns out, it’s more like a big ass key. When I woke up from the anaesthesia, I couldn’t sit up without wincing in pain for a week and when I finally removed the bandage, I found the incision wound to be about the width of a 50 cent coin right under my belly button.

I suppose it earns me some street cred when I’m in a bikini, but know that you’ll be dealing with a pretty obvious scar after it’s all over.

3. Be sure that you’re sure. 

If you’re not 5000% sure about this, don’t do it. But if you are, go celebrate because this means never having to deal with condoms  (ewww so gross), spermicide (way more gross), the pill (nauseating), patches (equally nauseating), IUDs (no thanks!) and the whole I’m-late-am-I-pregnant-am-I-not situation ever again.

How do I feel about doing this?

It feels right this time. We were really close to having a ligation done after Theo (we had decided on it and I was about to be wheeled into the OR after the delivery) but right as the very last moment, we both felt like we wanted to hold out for one more baby. And I’m glad we did. :)

This time, we both knew for sure that we were done making more babies. Over the past 3 months, the husband has asked me several times if I regret it and it’s true, every time I watch the kids loving on each other, my ovaries will override my logical brain but it’s time for me to listen to my brain so no, no regrets here.

I might just cry a little bit when this last baby grows up.

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Finn

Finn turns four!!

Look who’s turning 4 in two days! Uh huh, this guy.

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There was a time when he was all goofy and gummy like this.

finn

And the hair!! Remember the hair? This baby had the most gorgeous windswept hair. Maybe one of these days the hair will make a comeback.

Be still, my heart.

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I was showing Finn his baby pictures with the long hair and he was horrified that I made him have long hair as a baby.

That’s not me because it’s a girl,” he insisted.

I really miss Finn as a baby but I gotta say, Finn as a little big boy is another level kind of dreamy.

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4-year-old Finn is like golden light sunshine and rainbows sprinkles and fluffy cotton candy. He is all sweet and warm and gentle and so full of happy it’s almost ridiculous. It doesn’t take much to make him smile and this is the one kid who will laugh at all my jokes, even the lame ones.

He’s not the flashy sort that needs to be front and centre in a crowd because he’s mostly content to just hang out in the background while someone else takes the spotlight. But there’s something about him that makes you want to be around him.

It’s probably that disarming smile (that aunties find irresistible!), and that soft-spoken manner, and the way his eyes sparkle when he’s happy, which is often.

It sounds unreal but this boy doesn’t have meltdowns or tantrums and he rarely insists on getting his way. He’s just an easy, obliging kid who’s as low maintenance as they come. He did punch me in the eye that one time but it was mostly out of love, like a love punch. Usually if he wants something, he’ll ask for it politely and if we say no, he’ll try his best to be ok with it and be like “how about next time, mom?” Which is genius because it immediately makes me go like, “you know what, you can have it now. Mommy will give you anything you want.

With so many kids around, I’ll occasionally have all 4 big kids talking at me all at once. Baby Theo is the loudest and he usually gets heard first due to the sheer force of his personality. Then Truett and Kirsten will take turns getting a word in while Finn waits patiently for his turn to speak.

Mom I want to tell you…” he gets cut off by one of his siblings.

Mom, do you know…” he starts to speak but gets drowned out again.

10 minutes in, my subconscious brain realises that everyone has had a chance talking except Finn, who is still getting his sentences hijacked by his siblings.

Did you want to tell mommy something, Finn?” I ask.

Is it my turn to talk now, mom?

Yes! Sorry baby. Ok everybody stop talking and listen to Finn.

Then he’ll smile, pleased that it’s finally his turn.

Maybe it’s a middle child syndrome but I feel like Finn is the one I have to keep an eye out for to make sure he doesn’t feel neglected. He gets ordered around by his two older siblings and even gets bulldozed by baby Theo, who’s like a hurricane next to him. I was watching them play during nap time a few days ago and Theo was yelling instructions at him like “TICKLE MY TUMMY, KOR KOR FINN!! TICKLE MY EARS! NO, THIS SIDE!!! AND THIS EAR! AND MY EYEBROWS!” And Finn was just his usual obliging self, offering tickling services like he was told.

Between you and me, this kid is a keeper. I don’t know how I landed this gig of being his mom but I know I lucked out big here, no question about it.

Happy birthday, Finn! It’s been a dream being your mom and I’ll try my best to do a good job. :)