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Daphne

Kidspeak

Semantics

October 8, 2012

Puppy Love 

My mom’s dog, Mickey, goes ballistic every time a stranger walks past our door. Yesterday, he was barking his head off at the McDelivery guy and when Tru tried to calm him down, he went batshitcrazy and bit him on the hand.

Tru: OUCH!!

Husband: Are you ok? Did Mickey bite you?

Tru: No no, Mickey didn’t bite me.

Husband: Let me take a look at your hand.

Tru: He just accidentally poked my hand with his teeth.

Husband: Uh, there’s a word for that, it’s called biting.

Tru: Never mind, I’m ok. See, no blood.

Me: Good thing it’s minor or I will accidentally on purpose slaughter him.

 

Stickler for Details

It was a dull, rainy Sunday morning and the kids were bored to tears from being cooped up at home on their designated swimming day. After scattering every toy they have in every corner of the house, they turned to their baby brother for some entertainment. They hugged him and kissed him and tickled his toes, then when that got boring, they started prodding him with a small stick.

Husband: Hey, are you guys poking baby Finn with a stick?

Kirsten: No, we didn’t poke him. We just sayang him only.

Husband: With a stick?

Kirsten: We are very gentle, we just hold the stick like that gently. *Reenacts the poking*

Husband: Yeah, right. How about you don’t poke him at all.

Kirsten: Sighhh, ok.

 

Silver Screen

5 minutes later, on the same rainy morning, they came up with a new request.

Kirsten: Mom, can we watch The Incredibles on the iPad?

Me: You guys were watching Disney Junior earlier right? I think you’ve reached your TV quota for the day.

Tru: But we never ask to watch TV. We just want to watch on the iPad.

Me: It’s the same thing, just smaller.

Kirsten: How about on the iPhone?

Me: Nice try. Still no. Go do something that doesn’t involve a screen and moving pictures.

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giveaways reviews ads

Furby 2.0

October 5, 2012

If you’re a child of the 90’s, you’ll remember the original Furby, the toy that every kid wanted to lay their hands on. It’s a gremlin-lookalike animatronic toy that sings, dances, eats, sleeps, wiggles and chatters in a language called Furbish. It’s like having a supercool pet, one that  didn’t poop and could talk back to you.

I was in Secondary School when Furby version 1 came out and I remember thinking it was kind of cool. Ok, yes, I totally wanted one.

Fast forward almost 15 years and Furby is back looking all shiny and new, this time with improved techy features. It’s got LED-eyes that fill up with little hearts when it’s happy and turns into flames when it’s upset. It’s smartphone compatible and comes with its own Furby app on the iPhone/iPod Touch/iPad. It’s also got a mind of its own and will develop a personality depending on how it’s treated. So you can end up with a Furby that’s all sunshine and rainbows or a psychotic evil Furby, it’s all up to you.

Hasbro sent over a Furby for the kids and it’s like Christmas came early for them. They absolutely LOVE this little red furball.

I mean, I can see why it’s every toddler’s dream. It’s like a schizophrenic robot animal on speed – it doesn’t sit still, talks gibberish non stop, makes strange grunting sounds, giggles like a little girl and those beady LED eyes are darting everywhere all the time. Also, it changes its personality and voice at will. One moment it’s singing in a high-pitched girly voice and next thing you know, it goes “I’M CHANGING”, has a seizure, then turns into Darth Maul.

The kids think it’s hilarious. It’s also driving me insane.

One of them will hold Furby while the other one uses the Furby app on my iPhone to talk to it, make it dance and feed it moldy sandwiches. There are like a hundred different kinds of food to choose from but for some reason, they’ll assemble this burger, feed it to Furby and yell out MOLDY SANDWICHES before breaking out in uncontrollable giggles. Maybe it’s a sign of age but I seriously don’t get it.

Other times, they’ll hug it, tickle it, dangle it upside down while it alternates between squawks, coos and screeches. This Furby’s favorite song is now Gangnam Style and the kids will play it 20,000 times on loop just to see it do its crazy dance.

Me, I like Furby best when it’s sleeping, which it does if you ignore it long enough. It’ll be all like “TALK TO ME…OOH EY NAH GOO AHHHH KEETAY BOOOOO” and I’m like OMG JUST BE QUIET AND GO TO SLEEP ALREADY. And did I mention that there’s no OFF switch? The only way to make it stop is stuff your fingers in your ears, hope for the best and wait for it to get tired.

It’s exactly like having kids, except I can stuff Furby under a blanket to drown out the noise when it gets too annoying.

Now that I think about it, maybe that’s why they love it so much. They’ll all huddle together and whisper “ok let’s go drive momma crazy muahahahahahha…”

If you’re thinking of getting a Furby, it’s available in six colors and four more colours will be available by year-end.  Furby retails at $119.90 and it’s available at Toys “R” Us, major department stores and selected electronic stores such as EpiCentre, EpiLife, I-Studio, Infinite and nübox.

Your kids will love it to bits but do it at your own peril. You’ve been warned.

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Finn, side effects of motherhood

Fun things to do with a newborn

October 3, 2012

Everyone knows that newborns aren’t very much fun. They’re tiny and fragile and frankly, kind of boring.

With Finn, I do my super-enthusiastic baby talk like “HEYYYYYY, HOW’S MOMMA’S HANDSOME LITTLE BOY DOING TODAY?”  and he just stares at me briefly before stifling a yawn. At least when I do that to the bigger kids, they bother to patronize me with a “I’m playing toys, ok bye.”

So after having spent so much time with staring at a tiny baby (there are only so many times I can make googly eyes before losing my mind), I’ve came up with some fun stuff to do. Fun for me, at least.

1. Reenact the head-flopping scene of Marion Cotillard in The Dark Knight Rises. (also known as the worst death ever – ok see 1:55 of this video).

2. Do the kissy-kissy.

This is the only time they’ll let you kiss them for as long as you want – make the most of it. Once they gain mobility, they’ll be off and running after 3 kisses.

3. Make them really tired. Like crazy kind of tired.

Why? Because it’s funny when they’re trying hard not to fall asleep and their eyes start to roll back into their head while you’re like “WAKEY WAKEY SWEETHEART!!” Also, it’s payback for all the nights he kept me up wanting to play.

And as a bonus, if you do this right, they’ll sleep like a baby in the middle of the night.

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