Daphne

A friend told me this morning that 40s is the best decade and yes, I am so on board with this.

And not in a let’s try to make the most out of this situation by forcing myself to believe it’s great when it’s not kind of way either. I actually do think it’s one of those secrets people who have turned 40 keep to themselves and I’m pleasantly surprised at how nice being 40 is.

So I read this article recently about a lady who signed up with a dating agency and was unhappy with her potential matches so she wanted a refund. Granted, she had a list of demands that made her seem borderline persnickety but what I found fascinating was the comment section. It was a lot of people reminding her that she’s already 40 and should have no business being this demanding. One comment referred to her as “no spring chicken” and “clearly an auntie”, which now that I’m 40, I IDENTIFY with these descriptions. Having once been a spring chicken myself, I can definitively say that being poultry is overrated, regardless of how succulent one might appear to be.

On that note, I’ve also long since embraced being called auntie. A few weeks ago, we were playing 3-on-3 basketball with a bunch of teenagers at the nearby court and one of the kids was like “eh, you go mark the auntie” and he immediately caught himself and was all like “uh, sorry, I mean…” and I was like “boy ah, my son is your age so I expect nothing less than being called auntie. In fact, I would be offended if you called me anything else.” I did nail a jumper in the kid’s face but guess what? That’s what us aunties do.

Being 40 has its challenges for sure. I feel my body wearing down after taking a beating for 4 whole decades. My left shoulder has been in constant pain for years, my knees are completely busted, my hair is turning white, my pelvic floor is gone, and I’ve come to terms with having routine medical check ups as a part of my life from here on out.

At the same time, I’m also fitter than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I’ve been on a HIIT program 5 days a week for the past 3 years and I run 5km every other week. I just clocked in at 27 minutes for my 5km this week and that’s faster than I ran when I was 18. I feel like if Mariko Yugeta, the Japanese lady who ran a sub-3 marathon at 62 can do it, I can probably keep this up right to my 60s.

If there’s one thing that I enjoy most about being 40, it’s the sense of freedom to just be me. Even when I wasn’t consciously doing it, it always felt like I was striving to prove something all through my 20s and for some of my 30s. I needed to be better, more successful, achieve more, have more kids, work more, do more, be more – and maybe it was just to prove to myself that I could do all of these things.

I felt like my life needed to be filled with all these adventures because it’s what makes for a better life. And to be sure, it is delightful to be be sipping wine in the Swiss alps and partaking in a fancy Miyazaki beef dinner, but it is just as delightful to have a $3.50 bowl of ban mian just because I enjoy it. I had it for dinner last night and it occurred to me that this bowl of noodles was comforting and delicious and it brought me joy.

I get to make decisions because it’s what I want to do instead of worrying about whether it makes me look a certain way. It’s the freedom to do work that makes me happy and to walk away from things that don’t, even if it’s something that everyone says is great. I get to enthusiastically enjoy all of life’s experiences, even the basic, boring, uncool ones.

All this to say that it’s only day 1 of being in my 40s and I’m already loving it. I woke up to my favourite person in the world and had my babies walking up to me to give me birthday kisses throughout the day.

Here’s to enjoying the best decade.

We’re approaching the end of October and it has been one crazy year. After a shaky start and a very rough middle, I feel like the next two months has the potential to get better (come on, phase 3!) or much worse. In any case, this year has certainly been one for the books.

Although there has already been some unexpected bright spots these past months. One of best things to have come out of all this circuit breaking is the extra family time we get to spend with the kids.

Look at these babies. Have they all gotten big or what?

So Truett survived his PSLE. We experienced the entire spectrum of emotions leading up to his exams (by that I mean me. Tru remained super chill throughout the whole process) – starting from optimism to trepidation to frustration and eventually despair, it was a fun time for all of us.

He came home after his final paper, yeeted his bag across the living room, shouted “FREEDOMMMMM!!” and has been celebrating ever since.

It’s been almost a month since his last paper and the poor boy is still suffering from PTSD. Some mornings, he’ll sit at his desk and grab his textbooks like he’s on autopilot, then let out a huge sigh of relief and be like “phew, I was about to study and then I realised that there are no more exams! Guess I’ll be gaming over here instead lol.”

The other kids have been observing his immense misery during exam prep and his indescribable joy these days and I think there’s a lesson to be learnt here, which is the value of delayed gratification, or that you can’t really know true joy without suffering, or as Theo puts it, “exams are very bad”. One of those.

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In other news, I’m really excited to introduce Gen X Singapore, a new content portal delivering content for well, Generation X.

Depending on how you cut it, Gen X is typically defined as those born between 1965-1980, but I’ve always felt more like a Gen Xer than a Millennial. I’m painfully aware of the irony here (with Millennials and their obsession with Harry Potter references) but I see this as a sorting hat situation where your generation chooses you as much as you choose it. And if so, I’m definitely Ravencl…I mean, team Gen X.

I’ve been working on the site with a friend, Theresa (who is a classic Gen Xer and a veteran in the editorial scene) for the past several months and it’s been a joy coming up with content for this overlooked, low-maintenance, self-sufficient generation. We get to geek out over our shared love for Star Wars, the Mandalorian, old-school bands, iconic Gen X movies and the experience of growing up in a different time.

But more than just being a throwback site reminiscing about some defining Gen X moments, it’s about looking at the world through the eyes of a Gen Xer today.

In the upcoming months, we’ll be working with talented Gen X writers to cover pretty much everything that Gen X cares about, ranging from lifestyle to entertainment to finance, to travel, to relationships and parenting, as well as develop some really fun video content.

Come by for a read if you’re a Gen Xer or feel like one.

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In other other news, we’ll also be launching a cafe space at Rowell Road some time in the next two months. Yeah, I know, siao one. As if we’re not already up to our eyeballs with work and kids and the new website. Let’s also open a cafe!

I guess part of the why is that this has always been something we wanted to do. To have our own space where we would sell all the things we liked to eat – basically coffee and cakes and cookies and pies. There will also be bacon somewhere in that menu.

I did think it was a little late in life to be picking up a new skill from scratch but if Jason Statham can take up piano at a late age, I’m pretty sure I can learn to barista at 38.

Also, the kids have spent an embarrassing amount of time pretending to sell imaginary food in their pretend cafe and they’re really excited to be selling real food to real customers so I already have five very committed employees who will take payment in the form of hugs and high fives.

Just kidding, I’ll pay them in snacks of course.

We’ll have a proper skilled barista on the team but if you’re feeling adventurous enough, drop by when we open and I’ll make you a cup of coffee myself.

It’s day 23 of the circuit brea…wait, it could be day 25, 28, 45? Feels like 400. I’ve lost track of how long it’s been and I woke up this morning confident that it was Wednesday until I realised that it is most definitely only Tuesday.

When the circuit breaker was first announced, I had some concerns but mostly, I was feeling rather hopeful. It couldn’t be that bad, certainly I can do 4 weeks of home-based learning with all the kids at home 24/7 without losing my mind<?> Yeah, I realise that came out more like a question than a statement there. But I was optimistic and I had it all figured out, at least in my head.

I was planning to run a tight ship – everyone had schedules! Individual workstations! Lists of things to complete each day! A sense of personal responsibility! (okay questionable)

At 9am on day 1, I gathered all the kids and briefed them on their daily responsibilities + the importance of taking ownership of their individual tasks. Once I determined that they possessed a suitable level of enthusiasm for the day ahead, I sent them on their way as I settled in with my first cup of coffee. They were to brief me on their progress at noon, and then again at the end of the day. Optimism, y’all!

9.15: Truett couldn’t log in to his school email account, troubleshooting required.

9.18: Finn couldn’t complete his daily check in because he couldn’t find his thermometer.

“Did you check your bag??”

“Oh ya, found it.”

9.30: Set up a school-assigned workout for Theo and Hayley on the laptop. While attempting a downward dog, Hayley smashed her head onto the ground and it was adorable but also injurious to both her delicate face and self-esteem.

“I can’t do any more exercises, I’m super injured…”

10am: Messages are coming in hard and fast via class dojo. There were like 20 messages from various teachers with instructions and links and updated schedules. I attended to each one with as much dedication as I could gather but I scanned through the list and was already exhausted.

Some examples:

“Some students have posted the Practice 4 Word Problem. Thank you very much. However, some of them did not do the corrections before uploading.The corrections should include the models, equations and workings and not just the correct answers. Please help to remind your child. Thanks.”

“Hi. I still have the following lesson in SLS showing as incomplete: *Word Prob-Division. Finn needs to complete it asap, as the lesson will be available in HBL for only a week from the start date. Thank you!”

** This was my cue to yell at Finn to complete his Word Prob-Division.

Several minutes later, “Message for Finn! Well done Finn! Good job! You have tried doing almost all the assignments! See you next week during live session :)”

Just going through all the messages and looking into each one took me over an hour. In between, kids were coming to me with numerous problems ranging from the I-can’t-click-submit variety to my-mouse-is-going-crazy-please-help. Theo + Hayley had completed their school-assigned curriculum and I needed to figure out how to occupy the rest of their day in a productive manner. Right then, it occured to me that this was basically a preview of my expected level of involvement in the days ahead and I silently asked the Lord to take this cup of suffering away from me.

But the Lord works in mysterious ways. It’s now day 20-something and my cup of suffering overfloweth. My tight ship (now more like a sinking vessel) is springing leaks all over and I’m desperately scooping water out hoping that maybe it will somehow keep us afloat.

Like yesterday, my entire day was spent helping the big kids with their Chinese assignments (can I just say that listening to them read 理解问答 passages out loud is a soul-draining process) and by the end of the day, I had lost almost all of my will to live. I don’t know how teachers do it but whatever they’re being paid, it’s not nearly enough.

Speaking of teachers and the pain they go through, I overheard this gem from one of the kids during Finn’s zoom class this morning. “Teacher, can you repeat everything you just said, I wasn’t paying attention.” I cannot even.

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Although as far as silver linings go, there are plenty to be found. In the midst of all the mayhem, the kids have been in an unexplainably chirpy mood and life around here is best described as a beautiful mess.

We’re spending a lot of time building forts, fixing legos, reading stories, hanging out with bunnies, staging epic pillow fights, doing movie nights and having indoor picnics. I was prepared for more squabbles seeing that everyone is at home all the time but the kids have gotten along fabulously. The days while intense, have also been a lot of fun.

It’s also been nice having the husband around all day. All the kids are pleased to have him at home for a change. The big kids will come observe him at work and ask questions like “what is it exactly that you do?“; Finn will offer hugs; Theo will challenge him to multiple combats (I feel the need to mention that these are real fights with karate chops and body slams on the bed and I have mixed feelings about it) and Hayley will ask him for snacks. They are now conditioned to keep it down whenever daddy is on a work call, and they do a fairly good job – there’ll be a lot of shushing or loud whispers of “keep quiet, don’t disturb papa...”, it’s adorable.

When all of this is over, I think we’ll look back on this as a special time where we got to spend time doing life a little differently.